Are You Still There?

[Echo]

Cue your therapist being pleasantly surprised, I hope.

I hope also that your medical procedures go very smoothly.

 

[Justmehere]

In my voicemail message I said there was no crisis just long day dealing with medical stuff and that I thought maybe something is very wrong with my request, but i had a request and I was just wondering if she could just remind me that she is still there.

It is taking all I have to not text her and say "please do not listen to my voicemail message but just delete it"

I don't expect her to even get the message until the end of her sessions this afternoon, and maybe my even until tomorrow.

I am torturing myself. My therapist said in an appointment once that suppressing needs was how I survived as a kid growing up. She said that even the self critical side to me is just trying to help me survive and be safe. I didn't understand what she meant at the time. I think I am torturing myself now for asking for this so that I am somehow safe and ok no matter what happens... but I'm so tired of being so hard and mean to myself. I want to be different.

Just needed to ramble. Thanks for being safe for me to post about this here.

@Echo - thank you. Everything with the infusion went well. I'm recovering still but going home soon.

 

[Justmehere]

She left me a message back! She said she was not mad, and that she is still there and all is ok.
:) :) :)
I'm grinning from ear to ear!

 

[maryel42]

Awesome! I know that feels really good. Next time, it will be a bit easier, because you've got this moment right here to use as a reference point.