Are You Suicidal

[TonyG]

On Friday I needed to see my psychologist and couldn't get in, so I went to the doctor, I gave a brief description of my problems and that Question was asked,
Are you Suicidal?
I always say no, but the thought has crossed my mind and so my question is how do you know. I have lost friends due to Suicide and we never knew,

 

[Friday]

There is a very big difference between being on the outside looking in, and being on the inside. At least, for most people.

When Im really suicidal? Nobody knows. Because my affect is outstanding.

When I'm struggling with ideation? Then people usually know. Some, anyway. Okay, not a lot. But that's because I isolate like a mofo. The point being, though, that I'm in pain. It's written into and onto me, and I'm oozing that onto everything I touch.

Other people are different. And some people do just snap with no warning whatsoever... At least in their own minds (some of this is from school, others were fellow 'Self destruction, full speed ahead' friends). There are usually a whole street parade of warning signs (self destruction, ho! Being one of them). In my experience (biased & limited) these are usually from people who have not a lot of self understanding, are deep in survival mode, and don't consider suicide as "ever" being a viable option. It's one reason why coming up with safety nets and plans (the what to do when suicidal, not how to commit) is a smart thing to do in advance.

 

[TonyG]

Thanks Fridayjones

 

[Go Hungry]

I've only been properly suicidal twice in my life. Both times I went to the emergency room, once just to sit there until it passed; the other to check in. Ideation happens often (though not so much lately :)) sometimes everyday. It got to be so common that I got bored with it.. v0v

 

[joeylittle]

I have suicidal thoughts every day; that is sort of my "baseline". But they are only thoughts, not attached to detail or intent. So it's safe to consider it as ideation only. And when I'm asked by a doctor, that's how I explain it to them.

I've had times where I've been actively suicidal, and that (to me) is experienced as having means at the ready, having a solid plan, and having my finances organized and instructions left for where to find things, passwords, etc. Only one of those times led to an attempt.

My therapist also refers to parasuicide, which is basically defined as an apparent attempt at suicide where the aim is not death. So, taking a non-lethal amount of pills, or cutting yourself badly enough to end up in serious condition but not so badly that you couldn't make it to help. Parasuicidal behavior can also be called a "suicidal gesture".

For me, I know I'm in trouble if I'm ready to go and everything's organized. Otherwise, I'm not in trouble yet - and so I work hard to get back to the place where it's moved to the back of my brain again.

I think it's a really important thing to be able to talk about, if you do have the thoughts - but it's hard to feel comfortable enough to tell them. I got there after a long time.

 

[Privateer]

I am. I have to live because I have a family who need me. I have no desire to live myself, though. If I could replace myself with a copy so my family would never know the difference, I'd be gone by morning.

 

[TonyG]

After seeing a number of my friends commit suicide and the turmoil it leaves behind i think it's something I couldn't do, but in saying that all of them gave no Indication that they were going to end there lives,
The last one made a point of catching up with family and friends in the weeks leading up to the suicide, He invited my family for a bbq and some fishing at a quite spot near our home we didn't even know about, it was a great day both families had a great time. A week later he committed suicide in a very bizarre but effective way.

 

[Privateer]

After seeing a number of my friends commit suicide and the turmoil it leaves behind i think it's something I couldn't do,

That's why I need the copy.

 

[quietone]

When I am seriously considering suicide, I don't bother making sure anything is "in order" I simply don't care. I am too depressed to get anything organized. People may think I am selfish, but if I had cancer, they wouldn't want me to suffer, or be in pain. Why is PTSD, and depression any different?

 

[J_trustno1]

I have never tried suicide but that doesn't mean it hadn't crossed my mind. I was in that phase almost entire year last year. Although I'm not suicidal right now but that doesn't mean I am happy with life. Life is not easy that is all I can say for now unless some miracle happens and changes things around.

 

[Hashi]

Are you Suicidal?...
I always say no, but the thought has crossed my mind and so my question is how do you know. I have lost friends due to Suicide and we never knew,

You might not have known how your friends were feeling, but that doesn't mean they didn't know. Having a barbecue doesn't mean everything's OK, I'm afraid. It might just mean they're trying hard. I think it would also mean that they valued and appreciated their friends, even if they were feeling so depressed that they couldn't ultimately make it through.

Are you asking because you're concerned for yourself maybe feeling suicidal? Or because of concern for other friends maybe feeling suicidal (which would be very understandable, given what you've written)?

In my experience, for myself - I know. But that might not be what I present to other people.

If your concern is for other friends, do you feel able to ask them?