Sexual Assault As your rapist walks freely around society. do you keep tabs on your rapist?

[ms spock]

I tried to keep tabs on where my Father was living, until he moved 8 blocks away from me, at which point I should have just moved, because I just was so triggered at that point there was no point living there.

85% of rapes are not reported.

It is really hard to see them walking around getting off scot free.

 

[ms spock]

No one expects anyone raped by a stranger to have a Xmas dinner or be part of their social network. But if you are raped by your Father or a part of your social network, pretty much everyone expects you to have Xmas dinner or be part of their social network!

 

[Deleted member 40995]

No one expects anyone raped by a stranger to have a Xmas dinner or be part of their social n...

*this is so true!

No one expects anyone raped by a stranger to have a Xmas dinner or be part of their social n...

So many times, what wouldn’t have ever been expected had my rapists been strangers was expected since they were family this is very true

 

[Hooper]

I hunted down my wife's rapist and it actually benefited me. I checked his criminal record which was clean and saw his family. I wanted to hurt him badly but knew it was a bad decision. Seeing his children and knowing hurting their father would hurt them was beneficial to me. Unlike posts above he doesn't smile, can't fake a happy life and has 2 daughters I hope don't run into the likes of their father. I know I come from a totally different background from the op but how could it not be. It didn't happen to me just the person I love the most which hurts.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Are you just looking for...

No

 

[anonymous]

Once after almost two decades I put his name in a search engine. It made me physically sick to see what he was doing and where he was and I got so angry, Completely did my head in. I will never ever do it again. It did not make me feel any safer, it didn't help me at all.

I do not have a fb account. I have no interest it putting myself out there for him to find me.

There is no real Justice for victims. Crimes cannot be undone. Sorry if this is a jaded point of view.

Please drop the friend and make a pact with yourself to not do that to yourself anymore.

 

[EveHarrington]

My point is that by keeping tabs on abusers, you are making yourself a perpetual victim, especially if it is upsetting or triggering.

Who needs that?

What is the purpose of knowing about them? What does it do for you? What are you getting out of it?

 

[Deleted member 37474]

My point is that by keeping tabs on abusers, you are making yourself a perpetual victim, especial...

I think I answered this in my original post. I explained my motivation. I am not saying that it is healthy. I don’t do it all the time, usually at times that I am more symptomatic. Earlier I felt validated by a particular response because she described what I see in a picture and then said exactly who he was to me. I wasn’t asking for validation in my post but received it and it helped me so much and is exactly what I needed to hear at that moment in my healing. We aren’t all wired the same in how we process or heal.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think I answered this in my original post. I explained my motivation. I am not saying that it is hea...

I never said we are all the same in how we process or heal. However, I don’t think your actions are necessarily serving you a positive purpose in your healing. You made no mention as to this being a temporary state or one that you will vary on indefinitely. My point is that if you’re still doing this in ten years, it’s definitely an issue. If it’s a temporary thing you did just now, and you’re moving forward, all the more power to you. I’ve been where you are. I looked up my abuser. It f*cked me up royally. I said no more, never again, I am not a victim. So you have a choice. Do you want to continue to be a victim or do you want to take back the power. It’s 100% your choice.

 

[Friday]

Have any of you kept tabs on your rapist?

Not my rapists, although there are a few people I periodically check to see if they’re dead, yet. Beyond that, I DGAF about them. Yo! You dead yet? No? Oh well. Better luck next time. Carry on.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

:/ I hope they all get what's coming to them.
You all are some strong women.

 

[Sideways]

I periodically check to see if they’re dead, yet.

Oh golly, I do that too. Didn’t realise that was an ok thing to be doing...

But hey, since it is? I will make a point of celebrating very publicly the day I get good news from the obits:cool: