Relationship Asked About Getting An Annulment

[MSMiller]

I am clearly having a hard time with my home life. Apparently it is written all over my face at work. I am doing my best...hell I am here. Besides I am weeks into the marriage although upset and very hurt I am not ready to walk away.

I have been pulled aside by a single HR person asked if I wanted to talk about it and I said no it isn't a work thing. Another colleague saw the tear brewing in my eyes and said hey I am here for you... which was nice but later she came back at me again. Clearly I want to be left alone. I have the headset on but am not on a call. Another asked how hubby was I said okay said he was released form hospital since she already knew that much from when I had to leave work last week because of my sufferer. But she could not leave it at that statement and kept trying to probe why he had been admitted. Is there NO privacy???

Then a higher up who I am moderately close with called me into his office; says he noticed I was not as friendly as usual since I hadn't said good morning (WTH!). He proceeds to tell me a sad story about his sister in law and her hard ships and for some reason he thought that was comforting to me. He then followed it up by saying hey sometimes people make mistakes and said an annulment may be the next step. I let him know annulment had been discussed at home and I just needed some time and am glad to be at work so I can not focus on that. The remainder of the day he made it his mission to remind me to stay in the game at work. Actually said I was displaying misplaced anger to a colleague who was clearly shucking his duties (others noticed it but I was in such a mood that I just called him on the carpet about it).

This is hard enough without having to rehash my personal situation for everyone. I come to work to get a break from the home life. Does anyone else just come to work to get a break from the PTSD roller coaster of your sufferer?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think it may help to at the very least consider that people were actually trying to help you. It may seem intrusive, but on the flip side what if nobody said anything all day long after you'd exhibited obvious signs of distress? You'd probably think they were cold and uncaring. Oftentimes in situations like these it is next to impossible to do the right thing. Some may want comfort, and others like you just want to be left alone. Nobody is a mind reader, so how can they possibly know if you want one or the other?

I'm a sufferer myself and in the past I've been SO pissed that nobody knows how to respond to my PTSD, or when I disclose my PTSD. Then the tables were turned. A relative disclosed her trauma story to me. While I don't like to compare traumas, hers was a lot worse than most....and I got the 2 minute watered down version. I stood there dumbfounded, not knowing how to react. Did she want a hug? Did she want me to say I'm sorry? I didn't know what sort of response to give. Being on the other side made me realize that oftentimes people have good intentions but sometimes these good intentions don't align with our needs. It's not fair for me to hold this against them because after all, nobody can read my mind and know what I want. (And not everyone picks up on "signals" which are an ineffective method of communication at best)

 

[Powder]

This sounds like a hard time. It is hard to leave things out of the equation at work. It takes practice. Having tears in your eyes and then not wanting to say what's wrong sounds like mixed signals to me, but it really depends. Maybe others are having as hard a time knowing what to do as you are.

 

[Dee Morris]

Have you considered responding with a simple "thank you for trying to help but I don't feel like talking about it right now" or something to that affect? I'm the sufferer in my situation so it's enlightening to me to see how a supporter struggles. Every time my ex husband would tell me how awful things were for him, all I could think was how do you think I feel? I do know what it's like to have coworkers expressing concern and trying to help when I'm not doing so good at keeping a happy face. Solara hit the nail on the head...my coworkers couldn't win for losing. If I was obviously upset and nobody said anything, I felt like they didn't care about me. So I'm personally glad that there are people willing to risk being intrusive. Sometimes it really helps me to know that someone is willing to listen. It's my choice to open up or not.

 

[franciemarnie]

It would be nice if work would be a place to have a break, but I never knew a place like that. For a long while, I felt like the final line of a Sartre play: "Hell is other people."

Sometimes there would be great people at work. But always there were people who were a pain in the arse. The best place I worked was a book warehouse where I ran into no one all day, except at our half hour lunch - where it was enforced we eat together. There were only four people, but my boss was always trying to provoke me saying idiotic things like, The Irish are real cheapskates aren't they? Or How many friends do you have? What an idiot - even though Ivy League.

I guess I had a vent in me.

But I am sorry you are going thru a rough time. Sometimes it's awful nice to be left alone.

 

[MSMiller]

I think they are well meaning and agree they nor I know what to say.

I have been saying "Yes, my husband is sick and I am at work trying to get some distance mentally from that situation and that it is home life and not up for discussion at work". I will try "thank you for trying to help but I don't feel like talking about it right now" and hope they don't come back at me at a later time to get more info:woot:, because it is a simpler statement and more direct. At first I wasn't frustrated by their inquiries, I felt grateful they noticed and cared enough to ask. I think rehashing it during the day doesn't really give me a time to recharge.

I may be sending mixed signals but when a person says NO then know that NO is NO I do not wish to discuss my personal home life with persons who do not have all the facts and or are not married regardless of the watery eyes I am displaying. I get calls during the day form hubby and disturbing frustrated text from him as well as his doctors/ team from the VA and it interrupts my workday.

I agree my hubby has a hard time seeing my issues with his PTSD. He doesn't understand how difficult it is to try and keep it all together for us and the kids; when I just want to scream get it together we all have issues or the times I want stay in bed on "Myptsd forum".