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Asking for what I need - maybe EMDR?

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esz

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So I haven't had great experiences with therapy. I always feel like I'm doing all the work and the therapist just sits there or nods or agrees. I should just talk to a wall for free instead. My current therapist I've only seen 4 times so far, but she just kinda repeats everything I say. I know that is a listening technique and all but is it too much for me to expect my T to actually say or do something meaningful?

I'm annoyed with talk therapy and considering trying EMDR. I want to ask my T about it (since I dont think she is EMDR certified) and see if she thinks I should see someone for it. But I KNOW she will just say "we haven't been meeting that long, why dont we keep talking and see if you are ready or if its needed". And then we will talk for months and never go anywhere.

I really dont want to therapist hunt again. Its exhausting and never seems to make anything better since they are all s****y as the last. How do I advocate for myself? I am an intelligent person and I have a decent sense of what I need. But how do I ask for it without coming across as pretentious/a know it all when obviously I'm not a psychologist?
 
But I KNOW she will just say "we haven't been meeting that long, why dont we keep talking and see if you are ready or if its needed". And then we will talk for months and never go anywhere.
How do you know she will say this if you've only seen her 4 times? You could always try asking her, no harm done.

You may just be experiencing teething issues? When I think back to my very early days of therapy compared with where we are at now, it is definitely very different.

In my opinion, building trust -- trust to take on the big stuff, such as trauma processing with EMDR -- takes time; more than the 4 hours(?) you'll have had so far.
 
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Tell her that you would like to try emdr. Also, please make sure that you are seeing a therapist that has a lot of experience with trauma clients. I think almost every therapist has “trauma” and “ptsd” on their credentials. But it’s bullshit. I kind of think that the more things they say they can fix, the less specialized that they really are. I appreciate that my therapist has a lot of trauma experience. She also continues to explore new trauma trainings and higher levels of emdr training.
 
If you’re considering EMDR... why ask someone who doesn’t do EMDR if they think it’s a good idea? Why not set up an interview appt with a trauma therapist certified in EMDR and ask them if they think it’s a good idea / good fit for you? In order to be certified in even basic EMDR, much less the advanced levels required for trauma, a person already has to be a practicing therapist. EMDR will just be one tool in their belt / therapy they’re trained and certified in. So it’s not like they’re going to be invested in saying yes/no. Instead, you could get an informed opinion by someone who actually knows what they’re on about.

Not wanting to find a new therapist is kind of beside the point. I get the not wanting to, but if you want to do a specific kind of therapy, you’re going to have to find a therapist who does that therapy. Otherwise it’s like wanting to go swimming at the bowling alley.
 
I liken the "not wanting to find a new therapist" to having a pretty good General Practitioner you would rather just hang with bc it is easier but you need a Cardiologist because you have A-fib. It is that serious. The recovery journey is painful, difficult, and sometimes so exhausting that you feel as if you can't go one more step. My therapist has drug me through those times. I wouldn't even think about doing any of this had it not been for the commitment of my therapist. I think I would talk with yours about how you are feeling. It can't hurt.
 
I so love reading posts I could have written myself? It was years back though I felt like this. I still feel like this but I've been with my current trauma therapist for years and I've never been so intimate with a woman I'm not actually intimate with. That makes it so different. But getting with her was just like what your saying. What are we going to do what's it going to be like? But when I got to her I was done. I had a bunch of therapy and EMDR. I was not tenuous or halting at all. She used to say "why me" and I'd say "because it's you or nothing, do or die.". I really felt like that. I think I would actually yell that at her sometime. It was either that, either this works, or go back to the shrink and get enough meds to make me comfortable, which means sitting around drooling pretty much. I'm a little better than that, not a whole lot lol.

It's a very hard process and I hope it works out ok.
 
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The reason I said to tell your T that you want to do emdr is because she is the one that will probably be able to get you a referral in with someone that is good. I wanted to do emdr and couldn’t find anyone in my area. My first T is the one that got me in with a highly experienced trauma emdr therapist. I still had to wait before seeing her and could have continued with my T during the waiting period. Also, some emdr therapists see clients that remain with their personal therapists. My therapist told me that she does it both ways.
 
Thank you all for your rational responses. I think I was in a bit of a panic and afraid that nothing is ever going to get better. But you are right, I've only seen her 4 times. Today was better, she helped me with some breathing exercises which no one else I've seen has ever done before. She thinks it would be helpful for me to come in more than once a week, which I agree with. Maybe I will make progress after all? EMDR is still on the table in the back of my mind, as is group therapy. We will see I guess.

Also, apologies that I swing so far back and forth on my rationalizations of what's going on. I tend to do this. Lol.
 
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