awayhome06
Bronze Member
I am a bit dazed and in shock, but in desperate need of advice so I'm trying to be as clear a possible.
I am a supporter. I also struggle with depression and anxiety. My husband, PTSD sufferer, cheated on me a few years back. We reconciled, but I have had a hard time holding him to boundaries both with how he interacts with other women and with what I do to support him. I've been afraid if what it would do to him and to our relationship because of his last reactions.
So last night he went to the store and took his female friend without telling me. I saw her get in the car as they were leaving. I've had issues with him being alone with her encouraging emotional intimacy before, and I've been very clear that my boundary is that he needs to make it clear and evident in all off his behavior that their relationship is platonic friendship.
So seeing this and the fact that he was hiding it I went into a full on panic attack and started having suicidal thoughts.
I've struggled with SI before, and had a plan for dealing with it. I have a bad cough and have lost my voice, and felt incapable of acting on the thoughts I was having anyway from the panic part, so rather than call a hotline I started a chat with one online. It took over an hour for them to get to me, but I was handling it.
In the meantime, husband comes home, sending me into further crying fits. At first he's all sympathy, helping more talk through it, verbally recognizing that getting me through this wad the most important thing. But by the end of the conversation he was angry and impatient and literally counting how looking it was taking me to respond and put together a coherent thought. Apparently 57 seconds was too long.
This morning I needed to get out if the house and process my anger about it away from him.
So tonight he brings it up, asking me why I had to stop on my way home from the store. I explained that I was still feeling to vulnerable and angry and was calming myself down. This started pretty much the biggest and most absurd argument I've ever been a part of in which he addled me if I considered what of our conversation from last night could have been my fault.
Told me he didn't feel like he could leave me because I'm suicidal. And additionally yelled at me for not interrupting him to apologize to him for having interrupted him.
Not to say that he didn't have anything valid to say, just a lot of inconceivable too.
I've been working really hard to communicate clearly and do what I say over the last month.
This kind of argument it's not something I'm willing to engage in again.
I don't trust him to talk things out right now.
I'm not site where to go from here though.
Advice welcome!
Particularly with this: if I decide to separate from him, how do I do that in the most positive way? He'd have to be the one to leave the house, but he barely feels safe anywhere. It's feel like I'm punishing him.
I am a supporter. I also struggle with depression and anxiety. My husband, PTSD sufferer, cheated on me a few years back. We reconciled, but I have had a hard time holding him to boundaries both with how he interacts with other women and with what I do to support him. I've been afraid if what it would do to him and to our relationship because of his last reactions.
So last night he went to the store and took his female friend without telling me. I saw her get in the car as they were leaving. I've had issues with him being alone with her encouraging emotional intimacy before, and I've been very clear that my boundary is that he needs to make it clear and evident in all off his behavior that their relationship is platonic friendship.
So seeing this and the fact that he was hiding it I went into a full on panic attack and started having suicidal thoughts.
I've struggled with SI before, and had a plan for dealing with it. I have a bad cough and have lost my voice, and felt incapable of acting on the thoughts I was having anyway from the panic part, so rather than call a hotline I started a chat with one online. It took over an hour for them to get to me, but I was handling it.
In the meantime, husband comes home, sending me into further crying fits. At first he's all sympathy, helping more talk through it, verbally recognizing that getting me through this wad the most important thing. But by the end of the conversation he was angry and impatient and literally counting how looking it was taking me to respond and put together a coherent thought. Apparently 57 seconds was too long.
This morning I needed to get out if the house and process my anger about it away from him.
So tonight he brings it up, asking me why I had to stop on my way home from the store. I explained that I was still feeling to vulnerable and angry and was calming myself down. This started pretty much the biggest and most absurd argument I've ever been a part of in which he addled me if I considered what of our conversation from last night could have been my fault.
Told me he didn't feel like he could leave me because I'm suicidal. And additionally yelled at me for not interrupting him to apologize to him for having interrupted him.
Not to say that he didn't have anything valid to say, just a lot of inconceivable too.
I've been working really hard to communicate clearly and do what I say over the last month.
This kind of argument it's not something I'm willing to engage in again.
I don't trust him to talk things out right now.
I'm not site where to go from here though.
Advice welcome!
Particularly with this: if I decide to separate from him, how do I do that in the most positive way? He'd have to be the one to leave the house, but he barely feels safe anywhere. It's feel like I'm punishing him.
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