At What Age Did Dissociation Start?

[xena21]

I am wondering if others have questioned their dissociation? My therapist recently asked me when I first experienced it, and I tried to remember back to the first time I ever slipped away to that peaceful place away from all the danger I was in. I know I was young, but I couldn't give her an exact age. I guess an elementary school kid by that time. I learned how to escape in my mind.

DId others learn that technique early on? Were you able to slip away and visit a different place? I remember being in two different versions of space. I could see where I was but it was blurred out. I also could see two sides to things at the same time it seemed.

Now I wonder how people have moved on if they have? I know I haven't since I am still learning all this, but what have you used if you have moved on? Thanks for any information.

 

[Chava]

I don't feel like I consciously went to any safe place, so it's hard to say because I don't even know what was normal childhood daydreaming or being in my bubble and what wasn't. I remember walking home from school and watching myself from outside and far above and I was just a character in a show. So that could be very child daydream-ish. It seems like I was viewing my life from that perspective more as a young kid. Then, like later elementary school I just don't remember much but probably started just numbing out more and distracting myself in what felt like really productive ways. That might not have been dissociation, but the numbness is really disconnecting...now when I feel it, it's probably closest to what we call depersonalization. I'm here but I just "leave". I have no feelings or emotions attached to my body but am an empty shell. That's gotten better I think but it's still hard to tell because I might be numbing out on a more even level (like more often, but less intense....I sound confused because I don't think I know very well what it even feels like to not be sort of detached on some level most of the time).

 

[ellienad]

Dissociation started happening for me very early on, but I didn't know it was dissociation until I began therapy as an adult. My dissociation has also changed as I got older.

I remember how old I was when I first started dissociating because my abuse happened at an early age, and I dissociated during the abuse (So, without getting too specific, before the age of 7)...Usually, I would just "zone out" until someone would call my name or make a loud noise, and I would startle. Sometimes someone would be calling my name a few times before I would even hear them. During that time I was usually just staring at something, but my eyes would blur and my mind would be completely somewhere else.

More recently, I still dissociate in the way I did when I was younger, but I also will sometimes feel like I'm "outside" of my body. Like I'm on the outside looking in, and I will feel very detached. For example, I use my hands a lot when I talk and sometimes when I dissociate in therapy, I will look down and see my hands moving as I'm talking, but they don't feel like they're my own. It's almost like I'm watching myself in third person.

I also dissociate when I drive sometimes, which has made me very aware of noticing the first signs of it so I can pull over. There has been times where I've gotten to where I was going and not remembered entire chunks of the drive...:nailbiting:

I don't think there is a way to necessarily move on from the dissociation, but I think there are ways to manage it. For me, I know that paying attention to the first signs of it happening and being aware of it is helpful. Also discussing (with my T) what triggered it is helpful as well.

 

[xena21]

That might not have been dissociation, but the numbness is really disconnecting..

Disconnecting is the word I usually use to explain it all. That is the key to all dissociation for me. I always feel like I am disconnected, maybe not like you feel but in another way? I know it is different for everyone.

 

[xena21]

Like I'm on the outside looking in, and I will feel very detached. For example, I use my hands a lot when I talk and sometimes when I dissociate in therapy, I will look down and see my hands moving as I'm talking, but they don't feel like they're my own. It's almost like I'm watching myself in third person.

Exactly! Thats how I feel. I don't actually see my hands in a foreign sense, just a different view. I definitely see myself in a third person though. It's odd to see yourself so far removed yet knowing you are right there.

When I dissociate I get rid of all this extra crap and just work on the present info.

 

[ghotiff]

I read once that disassociation starts with pre 7 yrs old trauma. I too had no idea what it was until starting therapy recently.

My dissociation ranges from the mild escapism into my head to the more scary losing time.

Not sure if that helps any.

 

[Chava]

So you wouldn't as likely have dissociation if your trauma was after age 7? (makes sense the younger brains cope in different ways, sometimes naturally very creative). My major traumas were before age 5.

 

[ghotiff]

"So you wouldn't as likely have dissociation if your trauma was after age 7?"

Yes. What I read is that it is only pre 7 that the brain is able to "learn" this coping mechanism. If I can remember the source I post it in this thread.

 

[ellienad]

Wow, that's really interesting @ghotiff. I hadn't heard that before. Please post the source if you can remember it! I would love to read it.

 

[ellienad]

I don't actually see my hands in a foreign sense, just a different view.

Yes, this is more what I mean when I say "they don't feel like my own". It's not that I feel like they're someone else's, or I don't know who's they are, it's just like you said, I'm seeing them from a different view. Like I'm watching them as someone else would be looking at me, not as if I were looking down at my own arms...if that makes sense.

 

[kagamine]

I'm not aware of how much I dissociated when I was really young, I know that I lost huge chunks of time and sometimes I would often end up confused about where I'd been. But I first became aware of it and able to induce it by choice around the age of 9. I called it "going away" I would tell people I was going away when I got upset. I learned how to be semi aware of what was happening around me when I was in school, but at home I went away completely.

 

[.Bubbles.]

I remember dissociating as young as 4 or 5. Sometimes I would leave my body ("fly") Other times I was just in a big fantasy world in my head. More than what I think is normal for a child. I don't "fly" anymore, but dissociate sometimes in other ways.