At What Point Am I Just Too Broken?

[theshadowoftheliving]

I don't know if it's worth it to try anymore. I just want to disappear. My future seems too overwhelming and I'm never going to have the opportunity to do what I really want. If I can't do what I want, if I can't be who I want to be, am I just better off killing myself?

 

[Philosopher108]

Those are the thoughts, man. It sucks when life gets hopeless. I have no idea where you are in life, so I can't tell you "things will get better" or anything like that.

But I can tell you that more than one I felt the same way you do now and I was ready to throw my life away, but I didn't. And now I'm glad I didn't because I eventually did find enough joy to keep me going.

I hope you make it, man. Remember that this point in your life is transitory and (for better or worse) your life circumstances can change.

 

[Stickler]

I feel like that often.
Then I don't.

You are probably not psychic enough to REALLY know if you never can achieve what you want...or failing that, find some other thing you'd be happy doing.

So that is a cognitive distortion. You are looking at the world through :poop: colored lenses.

So...self soothe. Be kind to yourself. Focus on the very next step.
Not the far future b/c that feels like too much right now.

 

[Zanshin]

We all see changes through life that alter who we are going to be when (if..) we "grow up." While ours may be more dramatic than most... It doesn't mean all hope is lost, just a change in mindset and a change in plans.

Take care of yourself. List things you enjoy, DO things you enjoy, even if it's simple things like a hot cuppa, a book, sitting in the sunlight, etc. Little things add up and make the days easier.

 

[EveHarrington]

You're never going to be at a point where you're just too broken to go on. (I hope that I'm saying this right----I mean I don't think any of us are "broken" really; we just have our struggles.)

You will always be worthy and deserving of a happy and healthy life.

Can you share with us what you're referring to when you say you won't be able to get what you want in life?

The truth is that PTSD robs us blind! I think it's important to be able to find other ways which we can find meaning in life. It's not easy-----I've lost major life opportunities and I'm in a mourning process of sorts. But, I know there are other things in life which are within the realm of possibilities.

I know it's hard-----can you focus on making things better in this moment and not worry about future things right now? I know that for me, focusing on the bigger picture can make me feel completely overwhelmed.

 

[expectingbetter]

I think that even the fact that you know what you want is something. I struggle even with feelings of not having a goal in my life, I feel like I don't wish anything, like anything couldn't make me happy or better.
I think you have that first step passed. I wish you could see other perspectives, things very often could look completely different if we looked on them from different side or even time point. Please don't be harsh towards yourself, you are doing your best. So many stuff in life depends on pure luck. Maybe we only need to wait a bit longer for our peace of luck.

 

[shimmerz]

am I just better off killing myself?

I am going to say that a whole lot of us would say 'NO'! Why? Because you help many of us on the board shadow. Your insights, thoughts and opinions are of great value. Perhaps for now, helping vicariously can be good enough?

 

[Snowflake]

I am sorry for how you are feeling. I have no magic words or phrases to help you feel better or think differently about your life. All I can say is I have felt the very same way you do on many recent occasions. All I can say is focus short term....the next hour, or day. It is not easy. Reach out if you can, to anyone, and talk about anything. Text the crisis line, I have done that many times and it helps. I know it's hard to think about anything right now, but many of us on this site have felt exactly like you do at this moment and we understand and we care more than you know. This pain sucks doesn't it!!! I am thinking of you!!!

 

[Sideways]

After everything you've come through, don't give up now. Don't quit here. Things change, and just like the hopelessness has flowed in, it will flow out again. You don't need to be a hero, you just need to keep breathing, and not quit on yourself. We'll all be here believing in you while you can't, and we'll be here to fight with you when you can.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I'm trying, guys. I'm trying. Made (and ate) a salad. Making some tea. Trying to just hang on. The shame for existing runs so deeply within me and all I want right now is to make that shame disappear completely.

I'm struggling because I have so many professional goals that I don't think I will ever meet. I have so many obligations to a family I don't love and I just can't imagine the possibility of accomplishing what I want. Work is what I hang my self worth on, and when that disappears, there's just nothing left.

 

[Zanshin]

Self-care is a good step for today - food and drink. Coming here to ask for help, guidance, someone to vent at or understand is a huge step for today.

I don't know your specific situation, so using mine for what I'm doing to try to help... In those hopes it helps you as well.

I'm dealing with heavy shame, too. I'm trying to get to the source to try to neutralize it, and it's not easy. PTSD fights back to maintain an ugly hold.

I'm trying to change my inner dialogue to arguing with myself instead of a general, "You're totally right, I do suck and am awful and I'm surprised I can even tie my shoes in the morning without help." Convincing myself that the inner critic isn't always right and fighting the gut reaction of agreeing is TOUGH. Asking why it's telling me that and where the core problem/core belief comes from is even tougher... But I won't heal unless I do that.

I'm not always able. Sometimes I stagnate, hours at the computer mindless, not even realizing the sun's gone down and the day's a waste. But... That's a day that I'm still here, and maybe resting mentally for the next battle, the next argument with myself to try to bring myself back to who I was...

Stay with us. Today, tomorrow, and beyond, and work to find yourself and where you need to be now, and where you need to be heading.

 

[Justmehere]

When are you too broken? In a word: never.

You have great value, just as you are now.

I lost a really important dream of who I wanted to become and I what I wanted to do in life. It's been hard and painful. It makes me want to give up on life at times too. It has been worth it to hang on.