Attachment Disorder And Therapy

[Valentino]

"Do Nothing" is a very common technique within a lot of meditation traditions. It is a bit of an art, and might be more of an advanced technique for most practitioners, though some people naturally resonate with a 'Do Nothing' type of practice.

The Taoist pointer of Wu Wei might be one of the clearer pointers, but it's still something that can't really be known by the mind.

from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wu_wei
Wu wei (English, lit. non-doing) is an important concept in Taoism that literally means non-action or non-doing. In the Tao te Ching, Laozi explains that beings (or phenomena) that are wholly in harmony with the Tao behave in a completely natural, uncontrived way. As the planets revolve around the sun, they "do" this revolving, but without "doing" it. As trees grow, they simply grow without trying to grow. Thus knowing how and when to act is not knowledge in the sense that one would think, "now I should do this," but rather just doing it, doing the natural thing. The goal of spiritual practice for the human being is, according to Laozi, the attainment of this natural way of behaving.
Meanings:
Wu may be translated as not have or without; Wei may be translated as do, act, serve as, govern or effort. The literal meaning of wu wei is "without action", "without effort", or "without control", and is often included in the paradox wei wu wei: "action without action" or "effortless doing". The practice of wu wei and the efficacy of wei wu wei are fundamental tenets in Chinese thought and have been mostly emphasized by the Taoist school. One cannot actively pursue wu wei. It is more a mere observation of one's behavior after they have accepted themselves for who they are and release conscious control over their lives to the infinite Tao.

There is another less commonly referenced sense of wu wei; "action that does not involve struggle or excessive effort". In this instance, wu means "without" and Wei means "effort" (instinct?). The concept of "effortless action" is a part of Taoist Internal martial arts such as T'ai chi ch'uan, Baguazhang and Xing Yi. It follows that wu wei complies with the main feature and distinguishing characteristic of Taoism, that of being natural. To apply wu wei to any situation is to take natural action.

In Zen Calligraphy, wu wei has been represented as an ensō (circle); in China, the calligraphic inscriptions of the words wu wei themselves resonate with old Taoist stories.

Here is Shinzen Young answering a question about "Do Nothing" technique within a mindfulness context, suggesting there are risks to exclusively using this technique without any guidance:

 

[ms spock]

@Hashi Thanks for your feedback. I might indeed be giving monster1977 unhelpful advice.

I was thinking mindfulness, as I understand it might be helpful.

I will think on this and get back to you.

 

[Abstract]

@monster1977 Gosh that sounds hard. My brain can't follow the rest of the thread (hopefully will come back to it) but I just wanted to post my instinctual reaction to what you said. It sounds like some sort of intense abandonment was triggered for you or that it connected to something even deeper and more primal. It sounds like you are saying it was way more than just being devastated by the possibility of loosing your t. A think a certain amount of people would come out of that wanting nothing to do with the t. And I think a common reason for that is attachment based. When the pain is too intense and we have been faced by the risk of caring then our mind can play every trick it can possibly lay its "hands" on to keep us away after.

Just something to consider. I am really sorry to hear what you have been through as I know how hard you have worked at tolerating therapy and how far you come with being able to trust and build a healthy relationship with your t.

 

[ms spock]

Okay @Hashi my thinking was to keep monster 1977 alive. So I acknowledged the attachment issue but focussed on the self soothing. As we know monster 1977 has had a really rugged time of it and has been hugely distressed, triggered and suicidal.

Knowing how hard monster works in therapy I was reasonably certain that she would work on the attachment issues and that her T would bring that up. My focus was on self soothing because when someone is suicidal there is so much a person can bear.

 

[ms spock]

I just wrote a long post about people who have no coregulation with a care giver and thus have not learnt to self regulate, can experience attachment in action through sympathy and empathy.

 

[seedling]

All I could picture was being in a white room

Monster, my experience with this kind of a mental picture is that it turns out to be a real place in my memory where I originally experienced the kind of emotion I'm feeling at the time I have the triggered vision of it. I've managed to place several of these mental pictures in my traumatic memories.

I have an appointment for friday but I have no interest in going.

When I have feelings similar to this I tell myself "just go one more time." I don't need to have any ambition or goal other than that.

I've had the experience of losing insurance coverage for therapy. And more often than that the threat of losing coverage for therapy. May a better day come.

All the best.

 

[ms spock]

I know you have had a hard time of it too lately @Hashi. I thought we had a conversation and I looked for it to PM you but couldn't find it.

What is the awareness?

The awareness is that in this situation, whilst Monster1977 has some attachment issues to work on, she is to be mindful of the convergence of so many distressing events and thus is to take the pressure off herself by using mindfulness by being present in this now. There is no use working on attachment issues until she is eating, sleeping, grounded, meditating, has reconnected with her T and is not fighting to stay alive. The awareness if of what she is feeling and thinking right now and she might use the labeling technique or another similar mindfulness technique depending on what she is useful for her.

The awareness is also based on there is a time and a place to process major issues. The time for processing major issues is not when you are emotionally overwrought, down and exhausted. The suicidal ideation needs to be contained and Monster1977 needs to be encouraged to keep herself safe.

I am familiar with the idea of mindfulness. I am thinking that mindfulness does include awareness, and that can be awareness of all sorts of things. Mindfulness can enable us to face things we would otherwise find overwhelming - with the point of facing and dealing with them. Not to just watch them forever.

Your understanding of mindfulness is very different from what I have read about, experienced, discussed with my Buddhist friend and been taught at a Mindfulness Course and that I work on with my psychiatrist.

There are no goals of dealing with big overwhelming feelings in Mindfulness. And there is no expectation of facing and dealing with them in Mindfulness as I understand it.

It is simply to be totally present in this moment.

"Often the first step in mindfulness is to simply pay attention to and notice your experiences right now." p29 The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. Chapman, Gratz and Tull.

I didn't suggest that Monster watch things forever. I suggested she use mindfulness to slow herself down after having a severe period of suicidal ideation and medication upheaval. A few hours or a few days grounding and containing oneself in those situations doesn't go astray.

I feel like this enquiry is being self-soothed away perhaps a little too much.

I think it is a little soon to be judging it in this way. This is all very recent and very fresh. Taking time to settle, soothe and do self care is a good idea when the suicidal ideation and the medication upheaval have been so recent and combined with a range of other distressing events.

If this is a process, what is the process? What is happening?

The process is of slowing down, being mindful and attending to the very important issues of staying alive after such a recent upheaval.

What is happening is attachment through care and concern of other people on the forum. Attachment in action through attention to detail and assisting Monster1977 to slow right down, breathe, self soothe, be kind to herself and self regulate. So she is aware of what is happening now. When the overwhelm is so substantial it is okay to distract (a DBT skill) and change focus for awhile.

So... great, let's put away the judgement. And work on the attachment issues. Or whatever the issues are. No judgement, and no putting everything away either.

I think you can put things away sometimes until you have stablised or are seeing you mental health professional. I don't see much value in beating the horse when s/he is down, so to speak.

So,,,, this is where I'm lost. What happened to trying to understand it? Non-judgementally, sure. What happened to all those big questions though?

The big questions and issues are safely put away until such time as it is safe and appropriate to deal with them i.e Monster1977 is stable. They have been put aside until an emotional consolidation has occurred. There is no point in retraumatising yourself. Once some time and space has occurred fresh eyes can focus on the issues again. Sometimes all it takes is a good night's sleep.

Once Monster has grounded, is not feeling suicidal, her medication has stabilised and the other issues have had time to be resolved, she can look at attachment issues again. I would suggest that a person deal with such a primal emotional response from a place of well rested, resiliency, without suicidal ideation and medication flux.

I'm going to be very straightforward and say that Monster I'm also mindful of other fairly recent posts of yours I've read where you indicate that you've felt unstable, suicidal and at times have been in need of going to hospital. Has that changed? If not, I think something more concrete is needed than sitting without judgement and watching. I'm concerned that this is actually an unhelpful approach, when you might be in need of more grounding, more awareness and seeing things more literally.

I may have been remiss in not mentioning grounding techniques at this time but as Monster1977 does meditation and meditation classes I presumed she would be grounding herself. I will be mindful of this in future.

Even if Monster did think about attachment at this point, she is unlikely to come up with anything extra then she has done at this stage. She simply needs a break and a good night's sleep and friends to talk to in the morning.

 

[ms spock]

Just something to consider. I am really sorry to hear what you have been through as I know how hard you have worked at tolerating therapy and how far you come with being able to trust and build a healthy relationship with your t.

Monster1977 certainly has a track record of working very hard on herself. So some time to rest and recuperate, eat well, be grounded, meditate, self soothe, and not be fighting to keep herself alive is well in order.

 

[ms spock]

I would suggest that detached non-awareness isn't helpful in this situation. Or any situation.

Detached non awareness would be dissociation in my book, so that is why I suggested the Mindfulness.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh wow, I can't fully do this thread justice but I have to say after 30+ years of dealing with this I think @Ms Spock has brilliantly captured the situation with the posts #17 and #19. Wow I can't even understand #17 entirely.

All I was going to say- and it has none of her wisdom or eloquence but draws the same conclusions and has the same approach, is that this sounds (as others have said) absolutely overwhelming for you @monster1977 . And no surprise given how hard a struggle it has been lately. The issues regarding (possibly) attachment or abandonment can be explored later, you are not dodging hard work. The first Cardinal Rule is to get stable and self-care, and therein lies the great use to apply mindfulness. It's like rebuilding a house of cards, one cannot start at the top when the rug gets pulled out. Similarly speaking, the numbness makes entire sense to me. I believe as @seedling said, sometimes it's just really important to 'show up'.

I hope you are feeling a little better Monster. I am a big believer that good things can come out of lousy happenings. Not only self-awareness, but hearing your T say he would do it pro bono- wow. That certainly indicates his dedication, sincerity and great faith in you and your recovery. Try to trust that. :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Hey @monster1977 , you might have quit 15 times but you started again 16. :hug:

 

[Hashi]

@Ms Spock, thank you for explaining it so well.

I'm obviously of way too different a mindset. I think in the end it's a case of what works for an individual, so if it works then of course that's best. I'll bow out of this thread and leave it to those who are more in tune with these ideas.