Attachment Disorder And Therapy

[ms spock]

@Hashi you so often have such good insights to share. I have appreciated them.

Your questions did assist me in considering the thinking that went into my comments and suggestions. I must say I really thought it through and it was a most useful exercise for me.

 

[Valentino]

Is it because the worst thing I could imagine in therapy happened, and I still lived, even though I didn't think I'd make it through the grieving alive?

Yes!

From my perspective, this feels like the most obvious and logical answer that matches the rest of your description.

Often times, we already know the answers we seek, usually they lie hidden right inside the question themselves, or sometimes in the assumptions behind the questions.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @Hashi , I think perhaps you were saying many of the same points in a different way (or order), the first being to deal with the SI etc. I am thinking of the mindfulness as calming, trying to get thoughts back centered, reduce anxiety (versus doing 'nothing'). Does that make sense?

Hope you are feeling a little better @monster1977 . :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

And as Valentino said, the asumptions/ beliefs/ fears carry so much weight.

 

[Hashi]

Junebug VIP Member New Dear @Hashi , I think perhaps you were saying many of the same points in a different way

Oh, Junebug, I could say so much but I'm really trying my best to stay away! And then you tagged me... fatal!

l'll just say that I don't think I'm saying the same thing as other people at all. I just don't see it that way. I don't mind having a different view from other people, but I don't want that to be seen as the same view if it isn't.

I can only hope this is the right approach... It wouldn't be mine. Just wanted to make that clear.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I just love the image of the 'formal feeling'. I'm so familiar with it.

Me too, thank you so much for posting that. It makes my feelings feel more normal.

What happened to trying to understand it?

I am Buddhist, for me to sit with it and not judge means to ground and center myself, and see the bigger picture. Often times I find the answer by doing this. I totally understand what Ms. Spock is saying because I practice mindfulness meditation.

suicidal and at times have been in need of going to hospital. Has that changed?

No, well yes. I was really badly off and the ER psychiatrist told me since I had 7 admissions last year, it wouldn't help to go inpatient. I was too afraid of her to say that they kept me alive. The ER nurse and the social worker didn't want to discharge me. I was just sobbing. It is alway so awful when I go to the hospital.

When the pain is too intense and we have been faced by the risk of caring then our mind can play every trick it can possibly lay its "hands" on to keep us away after.

That is so true. When my therapist (T) emailed me to check in on Monday, I told him I was really triggered and afraid to come in, but I'm coming in anyway. It helps to tell him I'm afraid, then its not this hidden thing. That is another way of being mindful - being aware of our feelings, and how they are feelings and not fact.

does meditation and meditation classes I presumed she would be grounding herself.

I do. I have lots of different techniques I use. You hit the nail on the head when you said I needed sleep. It really helped when I got it.

I am no longer having suicidal thoughts. I want to thank everyone for your input, this PTSD is so hard to understand, and it keeps hiding itself and popping out again. I have a lot of trouble with self-soothing, but I made a list of things and I can refer to that in the future. We have not been doing a lot of trauma work in therapy, since I was having so much trouble with my blood sugars. I think sometimes the trauma finds a way to come out even when you don't want it too. My flashbacks have been worse than they've ever been. I have been really grounded so I haven't had one in 5 days. I will get through this too.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I'll try to explain the process without triggering myself. I was completely wiped out by the fact I wouldn't be able to see my T. I was triggered also and re-experiencing whatever it was. I was having flashbacks that were more intense than I've had before. I was suicidal and exhausted, and I kept trying to fix other issues while dealing with this. I was really angry with myself for feeling this way. I didn't want to become attached to my T anyway, and now I'm a mess because I did.

The mindfulness approach would be for me to ground myself, then use radical acceptance to say to myself - I am attached to my T, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it, as well as being triggered. If I look at that without emotion, or attachment, I can see that I should feel attachment to my T, and it is normal to feel a huge loss when that relationship ends too soon. I can also see that the whole thing has triggered me, and see that the unbearable emotions come from a different time, and a different ability to deal with them. Now that I have established that I am having a normal reaction for someone with PTSD, I can start to deal with one emotion at a time, in therapy, since I still can become overwhelmed by this.

So there is a process, and it took a while to get it together. I started having dangerously high blood sugars and it really skewed my thinking. I could barely make it through the day. I hope that explained it but I don't think I really got my point across.

 

[Tinyflame]

And then you tagged me... fatal!

I don't mind having a different view from other people .

Oh @Hashi , 'fatal'- :laugh: .

One day if you want to I would like to hear your approach. :tup: :hug:

Good you feel a bit better @monster1977 :tup: , no sleep seems a huge factor. :hug:

 

[Valentino]

It makes my feelings feel more normal.

I love this. Imagine that before somehow you got duped into believing that your feelings weren't normal? wtf.

I'll try to explain the process without triggering myself.

Bravo! Do you think mindfulness practices helped you with developing this skill to communicate about something highly sensitive but at the same time be aware and conscious of potential triggers?

You should give yourself a lot of credit, a lot of people haven't developed that skill or ability yet.

 

[DharmaGirl]

To a point, Valentine. I can usually gauge how much I can say, or feel, before I become triggered. But that is only when I can prepare myself for it. I can bring myself out of a flashback by concentrating on my breath in the present. I still get triggered though. I have worked hard at learning to identify triggers, but the latest functional MRIs (magnetic resonance imaging) show that the brain is already starting the triggering process even before we're aware we're triggered. So its more about bringing yourself back, I think, than avoiding. Although when I talk about potential triggers, I listen to myself more now, and stop as soon as I have the thought to stop.

lot of people haven't developed that skill or ability yet.

When I was a teenager, I was in Scientology, where they teach you to be present but they don't call it that. I drilled for hours a day on being present.

 

[Valentino]

I drilled for hours a day on being present.

This is a pattern that I'm noticing recently. It seems that some people who have some sort of cult like brainwashing in their past history end up with this uncanny ability to stay more conscious during emotional triggers. I was involved with Amway/Multi-Level-Marketing which had some cult aspects to it, but my brainwashing primarily came from my borderline mom and narcissist like dad within the context of a shame-based traditional Chinese culture upbringing.

I spun it around positively as mental toughness and ethical character development. But now I see the toughness was simply the result of enduring and surviving lots of mind games, psychological manipulation, shame and guilt.

I used to struggle with the reality that most people out there simply do not have the ability to stay conscious under emotional stress. In the past, I used to try to encourage to develop more capacity to stay conscious. But now that I see how my abilities were developed through decades of surviving cult-like mental environment, I will naturally have more patience and willingness to hold other's hands in their process and pace of healing. They might just not be able to have the same type of mental toughness or emotional capacity.

Thanks for sharing parts of your story, it was very helpful and interesting.

 

[seedling]

I hope that explained it but I don't think I really got my point across.

I think you got it across beautifully! The process, fully laid out.

I don't think we can ever convey what it's all really like for us when it happens, it's so personal. But I recognize the same thing with different details in my own journey.

Staying in the present:
I've been working on my breathing now for a little over two years and it's becoming more automatic.

I used to struggle with the reality that most people out there simply do not have the ability to stay conscious under emotional stress.

I relate to this. I like your acceptance of yourself and others in your approach now. Much of the work I've done now is because of "needing" to get over this. Others don't have the same urgency in their lives right now.