Attempt To Take My Life Almost Succeeded

[Roundeye]

Hi everybody. Don't really know where to begin so I guess I'll follow the standard first post form. My name is Tobias and I'm from Stockholm, Sweden. I've recently been diagnosed with PTSD and Bipolar disorder after an attempt to take my life which almost succeeded.. Spent some time after that locked in a mental hospital.

I destroyed a 5 year relationship with the most wonderful, loving woman I ever met and I thanked her by breaking her spirit. I'm ashamed of my life, my behaviour and thoughts. I need answers to all my questions but there seem to be little of that in Sweden so I hope by sharing with you I can understand more about myself and why I'm so destructive in everything I do. Cannot shake the feeling it would be best for everyone around me if I had been successful in my attempt. I know this is wrong and I'm fighting and will continue to fight as long as needed but it's hard to see the light.

 

[amethist]

Hi Roundeye

Welcome to the forum and a place full of help, support and encouragement.

Have a look around and read all you can, ask as many questions as you like someone will answer you.

Good luck

Amethist

 

[BethRSA]

Hi Roundeye :hello:

I'm glad that you found us. Please feel free to read our real-life stories. You are NOT alone.

5 years ago, I also tried to kill myself (with pills). At that time, I saw no better option. I was in a deep, dark depression and I didn't think anything would ever change. My family was across the ocean and no one seemed to know, understand, or care what I was going through. If you're in that place/mindset now, please know that we are here and we care.

Through lots of therapy, I'm still here. I would have missed so many great moments that I never thought possible. So, please "hang in there".

:Hug_emoticon: Beth

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi Tobias, welcome :hello:

You've come to a good place.

It helps to keep talking about it.

Peace to you
Meg :Hug_emoticon:

 

[pandora]

Welcome..take one day at a time..read and write as much as you feel comfortable or strong enough to do.

 

[nie]

Welcome to the forum Tobias. There is a lot of great information here. I hope you will find it helpful.

 

[PerfectEmpire]

Roundeye,

Welcome. I too nearly succeeded in dying. Sometimes I get angry that paramedics saved my life and wish I would have never been resuscitated. It feels weird - like I'm supposed to be dead but I'm still here so now what? Just know that there are plenty of people here who understand and support you.

 

[kayjay]

Tobais....that's such a beautiful sounding name!

Keep looking for that light, it dissappears from time to time, but it's there.

Best wishes
Kayjay

 

[lost]

Hey round eyes sounds like you have a lot on your plate! But good job helping yourself. Its good that you are alive there MUST be a Reason, you just have to figure that out and you have time too. Sounds cheesey but thats the way I look at it. There is a lot of good info on this site so check it out~

 

[Keenbean]

Hey Tobias,

Another one here with bipolar and PTSD....a hideous combination. I was in a similar situation to yourself a few years back. I had had 8 or 9 admissions to psychiatric wards, some of them under section, and although ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) helped me feel better for a while, I would always relapse and end up back on the ward. Like you, I had had enough and attempted to take my life, coming horribly close to succeeding.

For me the suicide attempt was a huge turning point. I decided to have one last go at saving myself, which for me meant changing my medication (for the 100th time!) and throwing myself into therapy in a big way. Previously I had struggled to engage with therapy, but I realised that I would lose my life with the next episode of illness if I didn't fight. That was three years ago, and with the support of a fantastic psychotherapist I can honestly say that I am so glad I didn't throw my life away. It was so so hard, there are ups and downs and I am still working at it, but you can change things around. I recently went on my first holiday in about 8 years- I have always been too ill to go on holiday- and I went paragliding, which was something I had always wanted to do. I was floating round up in the sky with tears in my eyes thinking of all the things I would have missed if I had died that day three years ago.

I guess things may never be easy for any of us, but please please please keep trying. You will get there in the end and it's a worthwhile place to be.

Best wishes, be strong.
KB

 

[Manic11]

Hey Tobias,

Welcome to the forum! :hello: There is a lot of information on almost anything you need to know as well as a lot of support from members.
It is a big step that you joined this site. Good for you! You should be proud of yourself!
Take care of yourself!

Manic