Avoidance Of Trauma Therapy

[shell]

I think that it is important to note people who are traumatized and have PTSD often are so removed from their trauma and the emotions from the trauma, that they often talk fairly calmly about it. In fact, I laughed like my entire set of traumas were funny until a big flashback came and reminded me how un funny it was. I imagine that she is looking at the depth of the impact on you, how likely jumping into it will destabilize you. Think of it, if she does all these sessions just to kick your feet out from under you on your way out the door, is she doing her job?

Did she undo the trust you had or are you withdrawing the trust you had based on a miscommunication or a misunderstanding? Because to me, it sounds like she is making the best possible treatment plan for the limited sessions you have left. Maybe she failed to fully explain herself...but you can ask her to clarify.

So what are your options? It sounds like she has helped you quite a bit, despite the bump in the road. Have you talked to her about options to continue? Payment, sliding fee scales, less appointments with more homework? Have you discussed why you feel dealing with trauma is important?

No I was so shocked I didn't really have time to think about it, I wasn't expecting that response I guess.

I am really lousy at saying what I'm thinking, and allowed her to take over and talk me out of proceeding, because I felt so uncomfortable about what she was saying. Discussing it is hard enough, without having someone say its not a good idea to proceed. I don't get why it was Ok the session before, but not the following session?

I was anxious as I always am when I go there and just felt so uncomfortable, especially as I had already had issues with the previous T essentially writing me off, and telling me to except that I will always be stressed about my past.

Perhaps your right its my issues with trust taking over, and I need to talk to her. I wasn't aware that fees could be discussed, I thought they are what ever they quote when you when you first start.

Thanks for your input, it does put a new perspective on it.

 

[OKRADLAK]

She is a sh*tty therapist, pure and simple and someone needs to tell her. Reading this makes me MAD! She has no right to tell you how traumatizing talking about your past will be. You are PAYING her. She is like your prostitute right now. If that is too strong language, I am sorry. I don't mean to be offensive but this make me angry!!!!

Many people try to control how we process our trauma......religious people tell us not to swear even if it's in our head. Family tells us not to be inappropriate. Educators think we are a disturbance to be quelled. A therapist?? They are supposed to be the one hand that understands when no one else does.

She sucks. SHE SUCKS!!!

I also have had T's who could not take it. It is not you and it is not me that has the therapy problem, it is the T.

I did fire many T's and have such a mistrust of them. I do need a new one but a good T is hard to find, especially in my economic bracket. . I found a good one 80miles away, but I cannot afford the gas to get there!

I am sending you warm hugs and strength to follow your instincts. YOU are right. It is your trauma, not hers. Let her process her own that stupid way if she likes!!!

 

[shell]

People on here have shared very sick and complex stories and I am so glad they did because I was feeling like a weird freak. So it is not you and it is not me that has the therapy problem, it is the T.

Yes your right, I did feel like a weird freak, after all I expected they hear this type of crap all the time, it's what they do isn't it? I'm not in denial about my crappy past, but it just makes me feel really uncomfortable. I got told I need to do it, then suddenly its not ok. But then like so many on this forum, I don't feel normal and I never have, when you've never had a normal life it just not possible.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I'm sorry you are struggling so much! I'm happy you have a son to enrich your life! Having my son in my life has been what has kept me on this journey of healing. Sometimes, when I couldn't live for me, I lived for him, and decided the best gift I can give him is a happy mother.

I am 54, and spent all these years running from the biggest issue in my life...my horrible lack of self-worth. Now, my T and I are tackling it with a form of EMDR- Brain Spotting. I am blessed that my T goes out of his way to learn any and all techniques for healing, as he knows everyone is different. He is a csa specialist, and my angel.

It IS worth it to seek out the right T for you, because anything that makes you more at peace, will spread into the rest of your life. You will be able to feel more joy, when the 'junk' gets cleared away!

Blessings to you and your's!

 

[anthony]

Doesn't sound like a trauma therapist to me if they make statements to you, the client, such as: it will traumatise me listening to it, or words to that effect.

Find a new therapist, and six sessions are not enough to perform trauma therapy.

 

[Sunrise]

my previous T, when I outlined the incident very briefly said how violent it was. Maybe it was more than she was expecting? My problem is, even if I go back and say yes we will continue, am I going to modify everything I tell her because I'm worried, she won't like the content.

Hi there,
I know I harp on about person centred therapy being a must for trauma therapy, but this small point demonstrates why. The "rules" for person or client centred therapy says the T must not evaluate, invalidate, etc. The whole point here is that a person speaks about what they see in their world and the T should acknowledge what they hear as being so. "OK," "All right," Uhh huh," "Go on," etc.
If the T says "Oh that's terrible!" the client can be thrown off the track as they may or may not think it is terrible - it may be nothing compared to what's coming in the next sentence. Now what is the Clt (client) to do? They will be inhibited to share the next bit as the T might be really shocked.
The moment the Clt starts to edit for the sake of the T, therapy ceases. It works the other way too. A Clt says something seemingly innocuous like “so then I ignored him…” and the T says, “Well done!” This may seem perfectly OK and be in support of the Clt but a Clt half way through relating from their past pictures and in a fragile state suddenly has their attention skewed onto the praise and pleasing the T. Now the inclination may be to seek more approval from the T.

Look, this is not easy and takes focused training. I am sadly becoming convinced that therapists enter this profession for very different reasons and what I call the 'wise advisor' approach may be the only acceptable one for some T’s. It is just not going to work in trauma therapy in my book. If the Clt relates a gruesomely violent act and the T says, OK, with empathy and acceptance, (not shock, distaste, incredulity, disbelief, anger, approval, pleasure, etc) the Clt knows it is safe to relate, to unload. This kind of listening can be very healing as the Clt discovers their own limitless ability to come to conclusions and solutions, much more powerful than the T offering an opinion. Think about it - Ten different T’s, Ten different subjective opinions taken from their world and possibly all missing the mark for the Client.
Love to you,

 

[anthony]

I know I harp on about person centred therapy being a must for trauma therapy, but this small point demonstrates why. The "rules" for person or client centred therapy says the T must not evaluate, invalidate, etc. The whole point here is that a person speaks about what they see in their world and the T should acknowledge what they hear as being so. "OK," "All right," Uhh huh," "Go on," etc.

That is not exactly accurate... as all therapy is founded upon person centered, however; trauma therapy takes another additional path into education based and more heavily with confrontation, which is already present in person centered.

Person centered is not just acknowledging, its actually about cleverly disguising the entire conversation so that the client believes they solved their own problem, which by doing so, their brain will more readily accept that outcome.

Person centered is not effective for trauma therapy at all, and this is proven time and time again. Empathy is required in every type of therapy, and parts of therapies cross over... and person centered is the foundation that all other therapies are built upon, thus is used in combination with all types of other trauma therapy, ie. EMDR, exposure, stress inoculation and cognitive trauma therapy.

I think where you are eluding Sunrise, from what I am reading, is the difference between a counselling type approach to a psychodynamic approach, often used by psychiatrists and psychologists... being they literally lose focus of the client, and instead shift into trying to solve their problems for them, which is just all bad... that I totally agree with you about. A therapist cannot solve your problems... they can only educate you and guide you.

With trauma though, extending empathy, or even giving sympathy, can be all bad... and they both have there time and place and usage limits. Doctrine even states for person centered therapy, being too empathetic towards the client is just as harmful as not being empathetic at all. In other words, sitting there saying, "ah ha" "ok" "go on" "how does that make you feel", etc etc... without confronting, guidance and problem solving techniques... all just as bad as they can be good, if used correctly and within moderation.

Its not uncommon for a person with trauma to leave therapy, quit, not turnup, all sorts of excuses... all of which a therapist must face them and deal with them, confront them... if the person isn't doing assigned homework to help themselves, etc... then the therapist should pull the plug on the therapy and move on to the next client. This is doctrine...

IMHO, I think there are right people for specific types of therapy / mental health / medical fields, period. Then there are those who think there in the right field, but suck at it badly.

 

[shell]

Thanks everyone for all your help, that's the great thing about this site. Being able to get help to make the decision has made it a lot easier, and helped me ensure I was doing it for the right reason.

I was worried I was bailing out because I'm being a wimp and not liking doing therapy, but after having digested all your opinions, I will be changing to a new therapist, taking the last of my assisted sessions and then paying for as many sessions as it takes, somehow.

I have a habit of avoidance, so I wasn't really sure that it wasn't me taking the easy way out as usual.

 

[anthony]

Shell... only you know what is right for you... simple as that. The best thing though, is that you made a decision that you feel is best for you to heal as quickly as possible. Well done.

 

[Sunrise]

Thank you for your words Anthony. I always appreciate what you have to say and we seldom disagree.

That is not exactly accurate... as all therapy is founded upon person centered

The person centred approach is actually only one approach.
REBT, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, is not person centred but is popular world wide in treating PTSD. There are many schools of therapy but I strongly favour the person centred approach. Yes, the person centred approach is way more than acknowledging but I tried to say a lot in a short space.

With trauma though, extending empathy, or even giving sympathy, can be all bad... and they both have there time and place and usage limits. Doctrine even states for person centered therapy, being to empathetic towards the client is just as harmful as not being empathetic at all. In other words, sitting there saying, "ah ha" "ok" "go on" "how does that make you feel", etc etc... without confronting, guidance and problem solving techniques... all just as bad as they can be good, if used correctly and within moderation.

My learning has been to empathise and not to sympathise but, I agree, Anthony.

Person centered is not just acknowledging, its actually about cleverly disguising the entire conversation so that the client believes they solved their own problem,

Sorry you feel that way; that is not its intention nor how it is taught, but if that is your experience of it of course I respect your opinion.

My concern is for Shell and the shabby way she and so many others are treated by their T's as reported on this forum. An important point that comes across time and again is the client feels that something is not right but is initially reluctant to blame the T, after all they are the expert aren't they? From this and other forums I have learnt to my horror that there are a lot of people out there practicing that should not be. When it comes to trauma many seem to show no respect for PTSD as a unique beast that needs special handling. I make a point of reassuring people that it is the therapist and to not feel bad about it.

Just as an aside, in the teaching of the trauma therapy, TIR (Traumatic Incident Reduction) an intensive part of the training is routines designed to teach the trainee to completely "be there," for the client to not evaluate, invalidate etc. Psychiatrists and Psychologists etc often find it tough going as they have to "unlearn" their advice giving habits before they can learn the technique.​

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So, Shell. Hope I haven't overwhelmed you with all this. Whoever you employ to to work with you, make sure you feel safe and know that you deserve the best help. If it isn't effective I urge you to sum up the courage to seek out someone new.
Love,

 

[Sunrise]

i took a while to post the above -was open on my pc much of the day - and have noticed you have decided to make the change,
love go with you

 

[shell]

i took a while to post the above -was open on my pc much of the day - and have noticed you have decided to make the change,
love go with you

Thanks, now the fun begins, trying to find someone new that has experience in what I need.