Avoiding in therapy

[Stephani8o]

I was abused by my dad growing up. I'm in my 30s and was doing well until I had a major mental health problem last year. I started therapy to help manage my symptoms some of which I knew came from childhood. My therapist thinks I have cptsd and asked if I wanted to do exposure therapy. I've been trying. It's been hard and has opened wounds. It's been a slow 6 months. My problem is I'll be talking about something and I'll have a thought or a feeling or a memory that I want to say but I can't. I get so frustrated. I'm telling myself that I'll be stronger this week but I don't know. Sometimes I think I'm wasting therapy. I want to talk about it and I basically yell at myself in my head to say it but I can't.

 

[Missycat]

I too struggled and actually still do at times to say the words. It was/ is taboo to talk about ‘it’ but as a kid i felt if someone just asked me the right question then i was allowed to speak . So knowing this My t said i could email her and then she would ask me questions ......It really helped , yea it was a little difficult at the start and it really works for us.

 

[ladee]

I doubt there are many of us, who walked into to a T's office and just started talking. Especially if it's things we have kept inside our whole lives.

You can always let your T know you are struggling, if you haven't already, and maybe the two of you can come up with something that will help.

You aren't wasting therapy!! You are trying to get healthy, and it's very uncomfortable and frightening to share about our past. Six months in and you are still going, that shows that you want to share, you just aren't ready. It doesn't mean you won't eventually feel safe enough to say what you need to say.

Sometimes people write down what they want to say and just hand it to thier T and go from there. Maybe talking with your T about this will help.

Don't give up on yourself. This is hard work. And you are trying, and truly doing your best. Hang in there for yourself. You are worth it.

 

[MyWillow]

One thing my psydoc is teaching me is that we don’t have to talk about the terrifying flashbacks (which are all I have of my memories) to heal. She encourages me to ask inside whether it’s helpful to share right now and listen to my body’s response. Shaking and hyper/hypo-arousal at the thought and my answer is Hell No. It’s not a race (says me lol...Pot. Kettle. Black. Much.)

 

[grit]

What worked for me, and may work for you if you have not tried yet. Can you actually say out loud what your memories are.

I do this weird thing of talking to myself like having conversation with the therapist out loud.
I say this (weird thing from my childhood that I never put into words) and I would imagine the therapist reaction or response and go on to do this for while.

I do it because I am tongue tied in therapy sometimes because I do not know how things will sound but if I rehearse, at least I can hear myself and sometimes also see the feelings that come up and LET IT ALL OUT ALONE (something not everything and often what i rehearsed is not what happens...most of the time actually).
So my recommendation is try to hear it yourself first and see what the words sounds like outside of your head.

If you cannot even utter the words, then you are right to avoid in therapy because you are not ready and that is OK too.

If you say it outlooud to yourself that itself is probably the safest exposure of all and if you can handle it then it may be easier to share with others.

Hope this makes sense. it works for me and I am very sure I am not alone...so I thought I will share...we all have our way of dealing with issues.

 

[Skywatcher]

I’ve actually used hand gestures before. A little bit awkward when I couldn’t say penetration... so I used a gesture. ?. The thing is, my T hasn’t judged yet (one of my fears). She usually nods that she understands whatever I am trying to say. I show her stuff in my journal, too. It all has to be done in small chunks, or I disassociate. I also do emdr. You don’t have to say much or anything in that technique, but it helps when you do.

 

[Stephani8o]

This is a really good idea when I have tough stuff to talk about. I can write it and read it but it's not the same as talking about it and discussing it. That's where I get stuck.

 

[loui50]

I often plan out exactly what I want to talk to t about and then when I get in her office I can't do it. If I can even give her an idea of what I'm thinking she will start asking questions and that helps me a lot. It's like I need her permission to say things and if she asks me a direct question, then I feel I have her permission. Recently I emailed my t about something I wanted to talk about (so she could ask those ever helpful questions) and she refused to ask questions. She said I needed to just talk about it. Most uncomfortable session ever! I'm not much help. But to say you aren't alone.

 

[Stephani8o]

She said I needed to just talk about it. Most uncomfortable session ever! I'm not much help. But to say you aren't alone.

Wow, that is uncomfortable. I wrote a note in my journal to tell her how I wanted to say things but I couldn't but I didn't need it. Ended up telling her that and what i had been thinking about all week. We decided it would be good to look at my journal each week but that she would ask. That is a helpful solution for me.

 

[Freida]

I take notes thru the week, then review them just before my appointment. If they are things I can talk about, I talk. If not, I show her the notes and we move from there. Sometimes we have to approach things from the side -- I may not be able to talk about exactly what happened but we can discuss why or how it makes me feel. Eventually we get around to what I need to discuss. It's a slow process but it does happen.