Avoiding jobs

[InWheel123]

Hello. For decades I am avoiding jobs. I am getting older and I see how everybody is doing something and yet I am doing nothing. I have a room for very affordable money in my brother's apartment - he is on wheelchair so also not working - so I am not forced to get real job. But problem is not that. The problem is that I really avoid to engage in something in general. I have no obligations whatsoever I am not involved in anything at all. Not even friendships. I am not meeting people. I used to think I need to keep study in order to be prepared for a good job. But I jump form one thing to another. I got a job offer to go to Greece. So I start to learn Greek language. I find the best sources to do it yet in the end I say no to the job offer. I still find something which is not good enough to engage. And if I consider to engage in something I always think about how could I quit it right away. Once I found a job in the Netherlands. Just for three months I didn't want to get into something longer. But it was a horror for me. I withstood it because I told myself this three months you have to. But all I was thinking about was to get back home. I am good at languages because all that free time I put a lot of effort into it so my CV is not so bad. I also finished two Universities. But at the end of my studies I had a very bad relationship. Since then and it is already almost 20 years I am like that. I never had a job I was happy in neither a relationship. Everybody I know moved somewhere with his or her life but I just cannot move on. Every time I try I came back to this state of hibernation. As though there was no life inside of me and I have no idea what is the purpose of my life here.

 

[InWheel]

Hello.

For decades I am avoiding jobs. I am getting older and I see how everybody is doing something and yet I am doing nothing. I have a room for very affordable money in my brother's apartment - he is on wheelchair so also not working - so I am not forced to get real job. But problem is not that. The problem is that I really avoid to engage in anything in general. I have no obligations whatsoever I am not involved in anything at all. Not even friendships. I am not meeting people. Time to time yes of course, but I am not involved in anybodies daily life.

I used to think I need to keep study in order to be prepared for a good job. But I jump form one thing to another. I got a job offer to go to Greece. So I start to learn Greek language. I find the best sources to do it yet in the end I say no to the job offer. And I quit with Greek language and start something new in order to keep busy.

I still find something which is not good enough to engage. And if I consider to engage in something I always think about how could I quit it right away. Once I found a job in the Netherlands. Just for three months I didn't want to get into something longer. But it was a horror for me. I withstood it because I told myself this three months you have to. But all I was thinking about was to get back home.

I am good at languages because all that free time I put a lot of effort into it so my CV is not so bad. I also finished two Universities. But at the end of my studies I had a very bad relationship. Since then and it is already almost 20 years I am like that. I never had a job I was happy in neither a relationship. Everybody I know moved somewhere with his or her life but I just cannot move on. Every time I try I came back to this state of hibernation. It's getting worse with age. As though there was no life inside of me and I have no idea what is the purpose of my life here.

Do you have it similar? Is it possible to overcome such a thing?

I know I should find a therapist and do the long term therapy. But for that I need regular income in order to be able to aford it. What a vicious circle ....

Thanks for reading this ...

I found out about this forum because I read a book from Pete Walker about CPTSD. I pretty found myself there. Maybe a freeze type, lost child ...

 

[Rorster93]

Have you tried an antidepressant?

 

[OldDogNewTrix]

Hello! I am new here and just like you I found this website from Pete Walkers CPTSD book. I hear you. I understand what you are saying. It is hard to function in the world (at least I feel that it is difficult). I would rather not have to live in this paradigm but here I am...... Anyway, have you looked into EFT or "Tapping?" There are really great YouTube videos on it. I recently started using the technique and so far I really feel like it is helping me. The clinical studies have reported high efficacy rates in this technique, they said it works faster than EMDR.

Hope that helps

 

[InWheel]

Have you tried an antidepressant?

Hi, yes, I've tried them. I felt better. But since the problem I described above I never know where I end up. So one day I just went to the Netherland. And there I realised I don't have enought antidepressants with me for the entire stay. So I just gave it up with antidepressants. It's hard to start any kind of treatment, when you have no idea, where you will be next week. I better not start anything on the long run for that reason because I am not able to stick on it. It's a vicious circle ...

 

[InWheel]

Hello! I am new here and just like you I found this website from Pete Walkers CPTSD book. I hear you. I understand what you are saying. It is hard to function in the world (at least I feel that it is difficult). I would rather not have to live in this paradigm but here I am...... Anyway, have you looked into EFT or "Tapping?" There are really great YouTube videos on it. I recently started using the technique and so far I really feel like it is helping me. The clinical studies have reported high efficacy rates in this technique, they said it works faster than EMDR.

Hope that helps

Hi, thank for your reply! I've already heard about it, both of it, EFT and Tapping. I could have a look some videos. What I am doing on regular basis it's TRE method. It should shake some stress stored inside of you. And now I am also trying to get rid of the trigger points in my body. So why not to add some EFT or taping. Thanks for the tip. Anything that could help. :D

In two week I am going to Camino pilgrimage. Recently I read a book of one Hungarian author who did it and it appealed to me. Will see if it helps.

I've already tried so many things last 20 years and it seems like nothing really helped so far. So I basically trying just everything. Moving one milimeter a day. Watching adolescents beeing light years ahead of me in my 40s. Hope I come to some kind of break point one day. I don't want to spend the rest of my life like that. I'm already tired to death of all this tries with little or no success ...

 

[Friday]

In two week I am going to Camino pilgrimage.

That should be pretty/fairly effective in the short term… as literal survival mode tends to drop kick PTSD to the back burner.

The PTSD will all seep/flood back once you’re back in civilization… but the respite is… amaaaazing. Just don’t be discouraged when it all comes back. That’s as normal as the freeing sense of being alive in life-or-death decisions & circumstance.

 

[InWheel]

That should be pretty/fairly effective in the short term… as literal survival mode tends to drop kick PTSD to the back burner.

The PTSD will all seep/flood back once you’re back in civilization… but the respite is… amaaaazing. Just don’t be discouraged when it all comes back. That’s as normal as the freeing sense of being alive in life-or-death decisions & circumstance.

So better to be prepared for this. In the end, it always come back.

 

[Midnightmoon]

Do you have any structure in your day at all? Sometimes going from 0 to 100 ups my avoidance to the point I don't even try. I also realised that even though in my head I have all the skills that I did before CPTSD started kicking my backside, the reality is, I don't, and putting myself in the situation where failure was 99% certain wasn't helping the self esteem element in the slightest.

So, I've started building a very very slow few things out of the house. End goal- I want to work, desperately. But at the minute if I can't get dressed and do a basic activity then that's a step towards that goal. I use an equine charity, no cost , one on one so not got to navigate groups, makes me feel slightly human. Little steps

 

[InWheel]

Do you have any structure in your day at all? Sometimes going from 0 to 100 ups my avoidance to the point I don't even try. I also realised that even though in my head I have all the skills that I did before CPTSD started kicking my backside, the reality is, I don't, and putting myself in the situation where failure was 99% certain wasn't helping the self esteem element in the slightest.

So, I've started building a very very slow few things out of the house. End goal- I want to work, desperately. But at the minute if I can't get dressed and do a basic activity then that's a step towards that goal. I use an equine charity, no cost , one on one so not got to navigate groups, makes me feel slightly human. Little steps

Yes, pretty much. The structure change time to time, but I usually have a list of what to do. This week routine looks like this: I get up around 7am, I have a breakfast, than I do a laughter yoga (I literally learn how to laugh out loud with it and I really like it). Then I do a 10 minutes neck excercises. After that I learn Spanish about an hour, then French, around 2 hours. Then I go on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays on skateboard and on Tuesdays and Thursdays for jogging for an hour. After that I do some stretching and TRE (also a good method for people with PTSD to shake out some stress out of body) and then I go for lunch to my parents flat, which is not far away from the place I live. Then I walk my niece's dog which lives with my parents for an hour or so. When I come back, I study books about anatomy a stuff like that because it's what I am interested in - how works human body and so. When I am finished I do some Spanish Duolingo and I finish my day with some series. Now I watch How to sell drugs online in German :D. Weekends are pretty similar, but much less intense, with more time spent on sports and also with longer dog walks. So I keep myself pretty busy, using the time without job the better I could.

So, I don't mind to "work" a lot I just avoid to go to the real job because usually I feel like really trapped there, not on my right place. I mean, there was a very few moments I really felt right somewhere. But it was usually a very short period exceptions. Once I had a home office job. It ended after three months because the project ended or something. It was the best thing I encountered recently. When it was finished I lost myself again. I found the very similar job next year in Budapest but I couldn't be there. It felt all so wrong. I don't know. I'm extremely sensitive. When I don't feel right somewhere I just cannot be there. And if I do it's only with the will power force. I feel like I have nowhere to go and all the offers are like you have no idea where are you going. And for me it usually means to move to another city. Than home office job was great because I had a freedom to stay at my brother's flat or move to Prague if I wanted. Even though it's not my dream job, it was great at that time. It felt so right at that moment. And since it finished everything just feel wrong.

Ok, in 10 days I set off for the Camino pilgrimage. It's gonna be for 5 weeks altogether. I hope I will see why I behave like this from another perspective. I cannot find my place of be able to stay somewhere for decades. Since I finished the school in 2006. Nothing helped so far. I lived in Germany, I rent a flat there and I told myself I stay there no matter what just to finally stay somewhere. But it does not work like that. I cannot force myself to stay somewhere to finaly settle down or force myself to the job just to finaly have one. Ok, I stop here, it's way too long already this contribution.

 

[InWheel]

Hello! I am new here and just like you I found this website from Pete Walkers CPTSD book. I hear you. I understand what you are saying. It is hard to function in the world (at least I feel that it is difficult). I would rather not have to live in this paradigm but here I am...... Anyway, have you looked into EFT or "Tapping?" There are really great YouTube videos on it. I recently started using the technique and so far I really feel like it is helping me. The clinical studies have reported high efficacy rates in this technique, they said it works faster than EMDR.

Hope that helps

Hi once again. I looked for some videos and found some and now I started to try them. But could you share with me your favorite video you find really good? Maybe it doesn't matter which video you look, but maybe yes :D. Thank you!

 

[slaleo]

I feel like I'm going in the same direction as you. In my case, I have a really strong social anxiety and just the thought of having to be in a job interview causes a lot of distress. Much worse is the thought of having to be around other people who I may not know well, as well as being in environment where I have someone be my boss who would be abusive to me. I'm thinking that I should seek meds for it because of the severity, so hopefully that'll help with it. How did it the pilgrimage go for you btw?