Yeah respectfully I disagree. I understand you'll be fixed in heaven. What you're saying is you have to earn Gods healing which is totally wrong.Thanks for your response to my post. I hope I didn't give the impression that marriage or God will "fix" everything. I meant that marriage is the only place where you'll be in a committed, safe (hopefully) relationship where sex won't leave us feeling used and abused. And as far as God goes, He WILL heal (not totally fix) but only IF you let Him. It took years of me being a Christian and being completely messed up before I was ready to do the work that needed to be done. It wasn't easy; it was painful and so difficult. But pure worth it. My husband was a saint, having to go through a lot of hell with me to get to the other side. He has paid a high price for my baggage, but by God's grace and his patience, we got through it. I'm so grateful to have a husband who was willing to walk alongside me in my pain.
I know two ladies who are in their 70's who have loved and lost your story is sad and there are many like you. I suggest that if you do want to find friendship and love as we all do then you find someone who has similar interests, photography, creative writing, sport , keep fit or even maybe judo or Karate classes which are great for building confidence and being part of a team but achieving as an individual. If someone shows an interest in you you can then slowly build a relationship until you are able to decide when you want to take things further . You are not alone there are men also who have such experiences who do not want to be hurt again. There are people who are not happy with the world they live in who never want to have children but we cannot live our lives believing that to love is not for me just because of the abuse of a sick individual. THE PAST CAN'T HURT YOU UNLESS YOU LET IT .Be brave there is someone out there for you and finding a common interest is the start . A judo class or Karate would be my choice and they also keep you fit. If you are a non violent person please remember that these sports are none violent self defense and are character building and you meet people of all ages and even families with children . Life is to enjoy you have much to giveContent note: discussion of sexuality, mostly in general, non-graphic terms.
Back story: I'm 28 and female, and was sexually abused as a young child (3-ish years old) by a relative who did not live with me.
I have never had a romantic relationship in my life, nor have I ever gone on a date. I am trying to figure out if this is because of a true preference or if this is trauma-related. I feel like my trauma experiences are in some ways "etched" into my mind on a neurological level. Whenever I think about going anywhere with a male or having any sort of relationship with one, my mind immediately jumps to risk of sexual assault and abuse. Even if I don't actually think it is likely with that particular person. It seems like my mind is so focused on making sure that my abuse experience never happens again that it is hard to look at anything else. It's like I see that there is a risk of assault so I determine it isn't worth it, even if the risk is small.
I also don't understand how people enjoy sexual relationships. I don't know if I am asexual or if this has to do with trauma, but it seems very unpleasant. I do think a big part of that is that I have never had any consensual sexual contact so my only point of reference is horrific abuse, and since the basic physical acts are the same, it's difficult for me to intuitively understand why someone would want to participate in something sexual. I feel so frustrated and ashamed of myself, like everyone else on the planet understands something that is beyond my capability. People talk about how wonderful sexuality and relationships can be and I'm completely missing out, and I don't feel like I am able to just change that.
I guess I just feel really alone with this, like something is deeply wrong with me. I know other survivors of sexual abuse who are able to at least participate in relationships and sex -- why can't I? I feel so defective. I imagine part of it might have to do with how young I was, the severity of the abuse, etc., but I see others that move through all this and wonder what's wrong with me?
Yeah respectfully I disagree. I understand you'll be fixed in heaven. What you're saying is you have to earn Gods healing which is totally wrong.
This is legalism or the root of it, the single biggest problem (my opinion) in the church today.
But good luck, we can disagree, both positions fall under the pale.
Which, along with everyone else, is why I have nothing to do with Christians. : ). That's not totally true, just generally.
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Wives are the most frequent victims of fatal
family violence, according to a study of family murder made public
1995 by the Justice Department.
This part you wrote really stood out to me. I experience this in terms of feeling a childish embarrassment towards attraction, crushes or any sexy stuff. I feel like I'm stuck developmentally because I was robbed of my teens/early twenties - a time when many people explore (dating. sexuality, discovering myself in relation to others).In some ways I feel frozen in time, like at a pre-puberty sort of stage
I know other survivors of sexual abuse who are able to at least participate in relationships and sex -- why can't I?
The fact that you've been in therapy for 10 YEARS already isn't a great advertisement for your therapist. In 10 years, an excellent therapist would have helped you to get further along
marriage is really the only "safe sex" one can have