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Avoiding sex and romantic relationships

#37
I am a man and have suffered from impotence all my life. I remember about 6 women getting up out of bed and walking away. I don't blame them. I was not able to even admit I was impotent and that is why I merrily went on my way disappointing women lol. I decided I needed to get to know myself and to develop friendships. I have friends but I never let them get too close. My father called me every gay abusive name you can think of as well as a wimp and mommies boy every single day. I was sexually abused by a male teacher for a year when I was 12 but I have not even faced that yet. I just block it out. I am so full of self loathing and shame it is no wonder I do not want to bring someone else into that world. I have accepted my lot and found comfort in TV, computer games and twitter. I am still in therapy but I am becoming more aware daily at how absolutely broken I am. The abuse was from both parents and unrelenting. One thing I am grateful for is that I have empathy for others in pain and fight the good fight for the underdog on twitter. I love watching animals who get on with other animals on U tube. I am grateful I can feel my feelings now.
 
#38
I am a man and have suffered from impotence all my life. I remember about 6 women getting up out of bed and walking away. I don't blame them. I was not able to even admit I was impotent and that is why I merrily went on my way disappointing women lol. I decided I needed to get to know myself and to develop friendships. I have friends but I never let them get too close. My father called me every gay abusive name you can think of as well as a wimp and mommies boy every single day. I was sexually abused by a male teacher for a year when I was 12 but I have not even faced that yet. I just block it out. I am so full of self loathing and shame it is no wonder I do not want to bring someone else into that world. I have accepted my lot and found comfort in TV, computer games and twitter. I am still in therapy but I am becoming more aware daily at how absolutely broken I am. The abuse was from both parents and unrelenting. One thing I am grateful for is that I have empathy for others in pain and fight the good fight for the underdog on twitter. I love watching animals who get on with other animals on U tube. I am grateful I can feel my feelings now.
@koalaburger
I felt very moved by the humility in your post, thank you. wish you well
 
#39
My father called me every gay abusive name you can think of as well as a wimp and mommies boy every single day. I was sexually abused by a male teacher for a year when I was 12 but I have not even faced that yet.
With all of this, it absolutely stands to reason that you suffer from erectile dysfunction. It would honestly be strange for you NOT to come away from what you what you went through without some kind of sexual issue. I'm sorry.
I am so full of self loathing and shame it is no wonder I do not want to bring someone else into that world.
I found that as long as I had that self-loathing and shame, I was absolutely unable to perform sexually. Without the self-loathing and shame, it's still pretty hit or miss, to be honest. But it's better than it was.
I am becoming more aware daily at how absolutely broken I am.
You're not broken. You just need some help. You're reacting absolutely normally for someone who went through what you did and who survived. But you CAN get better.
 
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