Awful, Awful "fleas"

[scout86]

a reaction/reacting and a response/responding.

When you put it like that, I think I see what you mean.

I like the way you and your 2 oldest sons & their wives handle things. That sounds perfect.

I wish I had a suggestion on "getting over it", but I don't. Maybe just "practice" and awareness will do the trick, in time? Maybe it would help if, when they see this happening, they asked you what you were thinking/feeling/experiencing at that moment? My thought being it might help you to learn to spot it faster yourself and then to learn to recognize it as something that no longer works and is no longer necessary, so you can rearrange your thinking faster. Beats me! :)

 

[DMerish]

Thanks Scout (and everybody, really). I/We do what you suggested, and things are far, far better than they were 15, 10 and even 5 years ago. My other two sons are from a different father (ex#1) and we are friends sort of (see each other at birthday parties, xmas etc.). What I've described only happens with children from ex#2, or if I misperceive the threat of verbal/mental/emotional abuse - sometimes I get confused and think it's there when someone's said something but it's not.