totally get that. I spent the majority if my life hoping that i would somehow bring the love of my father to be a reality, but after it was clear he wasnt equipped or inclined to learn, it was too easy to just let him know I was truly sorry for the way his life had gone but I was not willing to tie myself in knots trying to earn what he didnt have to give.could only see the difference because the loss of my dogs felt like losing a family member, friend and loved one. The death of my father didn't.
So much energy wasted on him, so much more for my own kids. It was an easy choice once i made it and when he died it was just something else that gappened that day. nothing more. So unnatural.