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Back to emergency services. fight or flight?

Discussion in 'Military & Emergency Services' started by EddyMF, Dec 3, 2017.

  1. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

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    This it what I'm facing now and why I'm resigning. What they say on paper is not what they are offering. So I'll take the disability for a year or so and then look elsewhere. I'm not out of the workforce. I'm just hanging around for a bit
     
    EddyMF likes this.
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  3. EddyMF

    EddyMF New Member

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    Although the program is new, apparently many people have gone through it both successfully and not. Being on the down slope of treatment I am thankful I have gotten it. My relationship with my wife has improved significantly and I am happy (hell, experiencing emotion period again.) I was apprehensive about returning back to work at first. Until I learned I will have my support network with me as I'm exposed to the field. (Drs, OT's, and relaxation expert.) I have to say the program my company has in place is one of the few things they are doing right.

    Your right @brokenEMT it is individual and something I am learning quickly on this forum. It is a spectrum and unique for each person.

    I will play it by ear when headed back. If I relapse quick after returning 100% on car I will be leaning towards getting out. But with working regular hours and planning on seeing someone once a month to maintain what I have I may be able to join the "new age help" club and continue with my career.
     
    Freida likes this.
  4. brokenEMT

    brokenEMT Well-Known Member

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    that's great @EddyMF, you have a plan and concrete supports. Really the only way you'll know if you can/should be back at work, is if you give it a try. If you're symptomatic just thinking about being in the parking lot (me, currently), then that's a no. It seems like you're quite comfortable thinking about work generally, so that's a positive. Do you have a date yet for when you return?
     
    Freida and zebbidee like this.
  5. zebbidee

    zebbidee Active Member

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    Hi, I'm kind of going through the same thing at the moment. I have been able to continue working since getting diagnosed but in a non-operational capacity. For 12 years I've worked in forensic services (attend crime scenes and mortuary as well as doing lab and identification work).

    Since being diagnosed I've been fortunate that I can still just do the identification work and have received a great deal of support since letting the right people know what was going on with me. My trauma was not related to my work, but the ptsd was triggered by a job I had to do at work.

    we are nearing the end of my treatment and starting to discuss a graduated exposure return to operational duties, similar to what you mentioned. I feel like I should do it, I feel like if I'm not doing it, someone else is having to take up the slack on the on-call roster but I am seriously questioning whether I will be able to emotionally handle the 'grimness' and the gore anymore. or whether I even want to.

    I am very very lucky that I could stay in my job and be made permanently non-operational (with a medical certificate) and not lose any money. but I feel that I got into this work for a reason, its what I trained to do and was employed to do. I get satisfaction out of it and value the contribution I can make, and I do feel a responsibility to do my share of the operational stuff. BUT I still don't know if I can trust or anticipate how my body & mind is going to respond to my next homicide scene or deceased at the morgue. BUT then i think, I'll just try and see what happens, in a very graduated exposure way, like you mentioned. I guess the important thing to remember is, it doesn't have to be one big decision at one time. I also have said no to meds and the therapy has been the best thing I ever did for myself. I'll be so interested to hear how you go. It sounds like you've had great support also. Good luck! I'm sure whatever you decide will be for the best for you.
     
  6. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

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    I'm on the same road but I think I've already decided I'm not going back. This process has been way to hard and I have way to far to go before it's over. I'm not going to screw it up out of a misplaced sense of pride or to not let people down. That's what got me into this mess in the first place!
     
    MrMoonlight likes this.
  7. zebbidee

    zebbidee Active Member

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    I can understand that. I also get it how hard that decision can be. I'm sorry the process has been so hard for you Frieda. Because I have options I'm still willing to give it a try. knowing I can pull the pin on operational work if I can't handle it, and still be supported and keep my job, makes that decision easier for me and I appreciate how good a position I am in. I have a group of amazing people that I work with and yes I do feel loyalty to them. It's not pride for me. everyone knows what's happened and I don't care what anyone thinks and I'm not ashamed if I can no longer do some of the things I did before because of the things that happened that I have no control over.
     
  8. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

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    @zebbidee I am so happy you have a supportive crew! that can make the process so much easier. My admin was pretty supportive, it's actually my Ts that are pushing the not going back part. They just have to fight against my "I'm not giving up!" mantra

    ^^^^^
    this is what I need to learn!
     
    EddyMF likes this.
  9. EddyMF

    EddyMF New Member

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    Update. I'm fraking bored and need to get back to work lol. Think treatment has done what it can do. Basically all symptoms gone. So thats a plus right?

    Whoops, accidentally posted before I was done.

    Update. I'm fraking bored and need to get back to work lol. Think treatment has done what it can do. Basically all symptoms gone. So that's a plus right? I think the thing I'm missing right now is feeling useful. I'm so used to working towards something and even though I'm working towards treatment.... it's kinda boring. I guess going back to work will be just the thing I need. Or a motorcycle for some Adrenalin? Either way I will update again once I get back to doing what I'm good at.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 3, 2018
    brokenEMT, zebbidee and Freida like this.
  10. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

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    ahahhh...gone?? or you are ready and able to control them if they come back? :) And yep - I get the wanting to be useful and adrenalin thing...I totally miss those!
     
    EddyMF likes this.
  11. EddyMF

    EddyMF New Member

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    They do come back in a small form and I have been able to deal with them no problem-ish. Others have no idea except my wife. She know's me too well and I let her know when i'm working with something. But when it comes to get Shiza done, no problem. Go-time-mode.
     
    Byrdman, zebbidee and Freida like this.
  12. zebbidee

    zebbidee Active Member

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    It took me along time and alot of therapy to stop blaming myself for everything. But I'm there now and that has taken the shame away. I also now recognise how important it is to take care of myself first and feel more able to speak up if I'm struggling now that people know. That way I'm much less likely to keep it all inside until another breaking point. I think I would definitely be listening to my therapist if she was suggesting I shouldn't go back to the same work, if I also had my doubts. I think deep down we know what we should do for ourselves. Very individual thing though. I'm working hard to put less pressure on myself generally.
     
    Freida likes this.
  13. Byrdman

    Byrdman New Member

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    I agree with Friday on this matter, after quitting my job was the WORSE mistake I have made. Its not about the money it was the job that kept me in "check". I miss it every day, the tones, the people, and yes the stress. i felt like my PTSD has gotten worse and now I am on meds (lots) and they dont work as well as working did.

    Stay Frosty
     
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