Back To Sqare One

[macbeth]

Oh dear @Mice i am sorry. At least know that you're not alone. I'm not sure what to do. I feel completely lost. I don't even know if I would take the 10 sessions but I know it's there if I hit crisis point. Won't get to that point but I can feel myself spiraling down and am trying to get help before I get any worse.

 

[amosmorris]

I am so sad to read all of this--my heart goes out to everyone who's had such an experience. This sort of thing speaks to one of my very deepest fears and one of the ways in which I feel we are so very vulnerable in the therapeutic relationship. I have put my therapist of 1.5 yrs through all kinds of tests--and counting--including questions about whether she plans to relocate, and if she did when would I know....She once missed a session with me by accident--we had changed the time that week because of my schedule and she got confused--it took me, easily, a month or more to get far enough beyond it to feel even close to "safe enough" (which should not be confused with officially "safe"--not there yet)....She tried to reschedule me right away and I couldn't even face her until the following week. I am not proud of it and in fact I often find in myself great sadness over my inability to trust a T who has demonstrated her commitment to me/the work in many ways. It's just a wound, deep down, and it's there and it precedes these therapeutic relationships...well, it makes us so vulnerable. But in my opinion it makes the decision of a therapist to take on this work a serious responsibility...and trusting someone on that level--well--for me and I know for others here--that's just so very hard. And then the fact that even those who do take the responsibility very seriously are human beings for whom life can simply intervene...yeah, lots of vulnerability there. :(

 

[Ronin]

I'm not sure what to do.

Do you know your needs and wants, what you feel needs addressing?

I feel completely lost.

You're rather articulate, that's quite a good start.

What lessens the feeling of being lost? Are there any self-soothing things that help you feel less lost?

 

[macbeth]

@Ronin to answer your first question, nope. No idea what I need, perhaps that's the unsettling part of this whole thing.

Second answer is the only safe self soothing thing I know that works for me is retreating to a moment in childhood with a blanket, couch and teddy bear. I still do this at 39 but it works and no ones hurt and is safe or rather "Feels safe"

 

[Ronin]

I still do this at 39

It's worked when you were wee, and it's worked all these years to now; that's quite admirable that it does and cheers on that.

Can you hide up with a blankie and a teddy for a while and just have a comfy time, see if that stabilizes the overwhelm any bit? :)

Thank you for talking to us and you're doing good.

 

[Mice]

@macbeth I hope you are feeling supported as well. I can only imagine how small and isolated you must be feeling right now, especially having to knock on doors for support again. I just wish to share with you what my therapist left me with: don't give up on yourself. it's so hard but so worth it. <3

Please keep us updated on how things are going for you. I care.

This week I'll try calling the new therapist.. its gonna hurt, but better avoid spiraling down as you said

 

[macbeth]

@Ronin yes, that's what I have been doing. I am lucky to be in a position to do that if I need to.
@Mice I am feeling supported thank you. It is the reason I love coming back to this forum.
I also hope you are doing ok and this new therapist works out.

 

[aut555]

Sadly, the burn-out rate for people in this profession is high, with some actually committing suicide or involved with chemical dependency. It's a tough profession. But so sorry that the hospital was callous and improper in its handling of your particular situation.