Bad Dream About My T

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

****trigger warning******




I have been having more nightmares recently since I have disclosed my trauma to my t.

I had a dream last night that my therapist raped me. My trauma is a rape and I do have nightmares about it and sometimes it is other people (other than the rapist).

It just totally freaked me out. Should I tell him? I mean I even have dreams my partner rapes me.

 

[Echo]

@NoWhereKnowWhere - I don't want to ask you to disclose anything about your rape, but as a rape victim myself, I was wondering if you were also raped by someone who had built up a false sense of trust with you prior to the attack? Is your dream telling you about your fear of intimacy or trust being badly let down? Forgive me if I am totally off-track. Anyway, a horrible nightmare to have had.

I had a terrifying dream fairly recently in which my rapist was chasing me and a group of my friends. Someone finally chased him away from me, and in the dream I turned to the person protecting me and said, "That was my rapist," and he responded by saying, "Actually I am your rapist." I was far too terrified to sleep the next night. But in the end, that was the message of the dream. It still makes my blood run cold.

 

[Nebulustrix]

Dreams take the thoughts, memories, feelings, and concerns that our brains are focusing most of their time and energy on and combine them into something that can reveal things we may not consciously realize are a "big deal" at the time. Sometimes the connections and meanings are obvious, but even then there can be something deeper you have to dig a bit for.

I've had rape nightmares myself, even though I've never been raped, and that has a certain meaning. Rape is the ultimate form of violation of innocence and free-will. You are at your most vulnerable. Dreaming about being raped is about more than what you actually went through - it is about the feelings, fears, concerns, etc tied to this violation and vulnerability.

You have to build a relationship of trust with your therapist and this creates vulnerability. Any time we trust anyone we are vulnerable, because there is always the possibility that our trust will be broken. You will have a very hard time overcoming your fear of this vulnerability due to your experience. This is the cause of the nightmares. I believe it would be perfectly appropriate to discuss this with your therapist, as it is the therapists job to assess your emotional health and help you progress in overcoming these fears and build good strong healthy relationships where you will not be taken advantage of.

 

[BloomInWinter]

How awful.

Yes, tell your therapist so he can work on re-establishing safety in the therapeutic environment. Such a dream will affect your feelings of safety and if you don't share it, he may incorrectly assume the loss of attunement was something he did, and waste both of your time trying to "fix" the wrong issue.

It may be easier to call and tell him before your appointment, or send an email, but if you can muster the courage - and it does take courage - to tell him, I recommend it.

 

[arfie]

Absolutely, I would tell him. If I didn't trust him enough to tell him, I would be looking for another therapist.

During my own recovery I had nightmares evolve similarwise. With many reality checks from my support network, I came to believe it was part of my own healing process. I do not know, but I do believe my dreams were replacing the trauma elements with healing elements. Just a personal theory. It comforts me. No fact intended.

Hope you find what it is for you.

 

[samson]

I hate dreams like that. I would for sure tell your T. It is actually normal to dream about him. My T said 95% of his clients do, and he suspects the other 5% just aren't telling him. He feels like nightmares are a sign of processing. Even though he sympathizes with me, he sees them as a positive thing. I always have some dream about him after or before I trust him with a new area of trauma. It's weird, but normal. I usually dream that I can't get to him or that he is ignoring me. So far, nothing sexual. Hang in there and keep moving forward. One step at a time. :)

 

[Marf]

Why wouldn't you tell him? Yes, I think you need to for many, many reasons.

 

[Justmehere]

I know it would probably be scary to tell him, but I agree with others... People have all kinds of dreams about their therapists, and it is really really normal. This dream sounds really disturbing to you, and processing it with him will probably help. I told my therapist about a traumatic event in my life and that night, I dreamed she was screaming at me and throwing things at me...

I told her about the dream. I was so scared to tell her but she was totally unphased by it. She explained that it made a lot of sense. She said it happens all the time and it was my mind just working through the fears and adjusting to a different reality - that I can tell her about trauma and she won't hurt me.... and that it will take time before all of me really gets that... after we talked about it, that particular nightmare stopped. New ones came, but I am less scared of them and they keep changing. I don't know what will help you but I think a good step to take is to talk to him about it.

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through.

 

[Tinyflame]

I agree with the others. It's a dream, not a reflection on either of you, just as @BloomInWinter said. Brings up fears to talk about and process this stuff. :(

Funny what @samson said, I don't have a T but I have almost never had a bad dream about anyone who has helped me. But I did have a really horrible one that I was making someone sick (physically), that was horrific, and a recurring one where I'm too late to say good-bye (physically). Weird. I think the first one helped me be more grateful but also more aware to not be such a burden. Well, try not to.

Totally unrelated, my mom (?, grandma- someone?) used to say if you dream about someone say a prayer for them. So I do. :)

It's ok, it's just a nightmare. Trauma bleeds through. Worse when I am under stress. I just finished weeks of nightmares and night terrors. Ugh. :( You will feel better to tell them. When I said nothing about the sickness one, I spent weeks looking to see if they 'looked ok' or something was wrong (physically). I wish I had said something but couldn't bring myself to ask.

Best wishes to you. :hug:

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Thank you everyone. You are all so helpfull and kind. I will tell him I had just woken up and was a bit freaked. I know it's no reflection on me or him. My last t session was yesterday and I had written down the trauma and he read it. (It's the first time I've ever told anyone details). So my mind is just trying to process at the moment. I think I overreacted about it at the time. But it is upsetting to dream about our traumas. @Echo it was some one I had known for a few years not a close friend but I knew him quite well.

@Marf I'm going to tell him but I didn't want to right after I woke up because I felt ashamed a dream is something you create. It's like I wanted the dream and the original attack. I know all of this is bullshit if course and I can challenge that thinking but at the time....hmm maybe I need to work on that.

Thank you all for taking time to read my ramblings and reply you all help soooo much. Xxxxx

 

[Justmehere]

It is upsetting to dream about our traumas, and it can almost be re-traumatizing - which is why it's important to keep talking and processing through them. Your reactions are very understandable. I'm really glad you posted about this. It helped me feel less weird about my own struggle. Thank you.

 

[Echo]

@NoWhereKnowWhere - I don't think your therapist would see it that you chose to have that dream. I'm sure he won't take it personally at all. It'll just tell him how scared you are in general and where you are in processing your trauma. I'm not surprised you were freaked; who wouldn't be?

Being raped by someone you know quite well makes really disrupts your sense of safety. It means you have to question everything and all the assumptions you didn't even know you had made about your world. It is really awful.

Look after yourself and be kind to yourself. You are doing really well.