Bad experience with therapist - need opinions

[Calmdown]

@RainbowSearchParty
Yes, bad therapy is definetly worse than no therapy. I already experienced that in my life. But I still fear that I find no therapist at all for a very long time and I am suffering. Started pregabalin and I hope it helps. SSRI or neuroleptics don't work for me and Propranolol is only for use when needed, same as Lorazepam for extreme situations.

I wrote a mail for the therapist but still have to send it, translated with ChatGPT:

I would like to cancel the appointment on xx.xx and will not schedule any further appointments.

I would also like to provide some brief feedback regarding our last session: I found the conversation overall to be unhelpful. I am aware that the circumstances for the session were not ideal, but statements such as "You have failed" and "You take your feelings too seriously" are not respectful; rather, they are invalidating and demeaning in their effect. Given that I was in a vulnerable situation due to the sensitive topic, I was hoping for empathy and understanding.
I had experienced you differently during the previous sessions.

I now lack the necessary trust and security for a therapeutic collaboration.

 

[Calmdown]

I had a bad dream I can't tell anybody about so I write it down here.

The therapist let me down, I was on my own. Then the name that triggered me came into the room, I was in massive danger. I felt like a child and screamed for my mother but nobody came.

When I woke up it felt real and I was crying. I then understood why the experience with that therapist was so damaging.

 

[Rose White]

Nice when your dreams can clarify your life.

 

[crystal lynn]

This might be an issue but I still need to find out if she is the right therapist. I forgot half of the stuff writing this, to summarize it: Her professional opinion and messages are one thing and I can understand how she came to the conclusions but on the personal level it was horrible. I felt she didn't understand the situation I am in, she misjudged me, no warm words just ice cold takes, she was talking down to me, didn't take me serious like she did before when I felt better, I didn't feel welcome. She offered me another appointment in january but it was more like she felt obligated to do so and not because she wanted to have me there.

I had severe depression after this and I noticed that the aggression against myself spiraled out and got dangerous, then I realized I am furious at her and not at myself. If I have these dangerous feelings I guess she is not the right therapist. I just think about if I should try to talk about these issues in january with her or even cancel it completly.
I really have no clue how I should find a therapist and even a therapist without a long waiting time.

I feel sad when I read of your experience with this therapist. I.had a similar experience recently. I asked myself.."Did you feel any love from her? No!!! So she was coming from fear....love heals. You deserve to have your needs met. She did not do it. Maybe teletherapy so that you could have access to more therapists.

 

[Calmdown]

Thank you. It was retraumatizing and I decided not to see that therapist again, I also wrote a google review, which I usually don't do when it comes to therapists but it was important to me to prevent that from happening again to others.
I hope you can put it behind you soon and if not you can seek help. What helped me was untangling everything, realizing that her behavior was unprofessional but also weak on a personal level and that it had nothing to do with me. She was overwhelmed by her own issues.