Bad Session? Don't Know What To Think

[macca]

I'll try and gather my thoughts coherently about all of this, and bring it up next session. Maybe it will help. I hope she doesn't say I'm overreacting, and have it be true. I probably am overreacting, in thinking she's writing me off. I'm so confused.

Meanwhile, I'm too scared to go to sleep tonight, due to trotting everything out again. I still can't bring myself to tell anyone else what I've told her, not even my husband.

 

[Abstract]

Personally I would be very upset and angry if I found a therapist played a game like that to get me to tell more if this was a game Trust and directness is very important to me.

I would also feel profoundly invalidated by what happened no matter what it turns out her take on it is. It sounds like you have serious invalidation wounds and mine are gaping and wide so I relate. Me being able to discuss anything private at all requires an environment that helps me first feel safe in this way. That is one of the reasons CBT therapists don't work for me.

Yes I still have to investigate other possibilities to present interactions and interpretations of others meanings but it has to be done in a way that still allows me to feel safe.

You are in no way overreacting and I would probably be a heap on the floor in the same situation. Tricky when I can't even get into therapy in the first place. :confused:

She sounds like she has changed tack for some reason in her approach with you. I would ask why and spell out what you have noticed.

With my past wounds I need a therapist who always acknowledges my right to my feeling and thought before taking the next step and who will never question the truth of any revelations that I make. I do that quite enough myself thank you very much.

We then talked about it in our next session and she explained it wasn't her intention for me to take it that way. She explained how she meant that comment. And it helped. It actually built my trust in her because we were able to talk about that and she didn't brush me off. We addressed it and were able to move on from it.

This is what good therapy looks like when there is a fallout. Things do happen in t and some of them can be a deal breaker. Others are an important part of learning to trust others and build the T relationship. It is reliant on us being willing to discuss the issue and the ability of the T to deal with the situation effectively. T's will either fail or it can be very healing even though something we would never choose.

You certainly have a truck load of stuff to discuss with her! :( Good luck and remember we are backing you up.

 

[scout86]

Has she actually SAID that she thinks you're over reacting? If so, that seems kind of out of line. You're reacting the only way you know how to react. Period. There MAY be other ways to react, maybe even BETTER ways to react, but, if she's TELLING you you're over reacting, I think she's wrong. It seems like a better approach would be to help you find better ways of reacting, if what you're doing now isn't working.

My T tells me all the time that he thinks everything we do started out serving a purpose, Even that "voice in your head" that tells you you're worthless started out trying to "help" with something. But a 3 YO doesn't have the resources of an adult and doesn't always comprehend things as well as an adult either. He says you need to ask yourself if your reactions are based on up to date, accurate information. Since you are now living in the present, you can make choices about adjusting your thinking to fit the current situation. Not saying it's always easy! For one thing, you have to stop and think, which I find to be somewhat of a problem on occasion. (Which is probably why he repeats this stuff all the time! LOL)

On the event that everyone finds so hard to believe. What ever it was. When something "unbelievable" happens, especially to a child, usually no one believes them, even if it's true. True? It hurts not to be believed (especially when you're telling the truth!). What's the significance of that NOW? It has some, obviously. You don't have to give ME the answer to that, but it might be useful to think about it yourself, for your own information.

Sorry this is all so hard! But it's definitely hard. On the off chance that it might help, I told me T awhile back that I've come to believe that there is a special kind of chaos that shows up, right before something is going to fall into place and make sense. I look at it as being a last attempt by the forces of chaos to defeat some aspect of "Truth". As much as I dislike the chaos, I've started to welcome it because I know if I ride it out, "progress" will be the result. (But then, technically, I'm crazy too. LOL)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Your therapist is potentially playing games with you, and an idiot for saying that all young women make escape plans. I have PTSD and I've never made an escape "plan"!

I know others mean well, but whenever I post something and I'm told that my perception is wrong, it irks me just a bit and I feel invalidated. So I just want to say yeah, I hear you.

 

[macca]

With my past wounds I need a therapist who always acknowledges my right to my feeling and thought before taking the next step and who will never question the truth of any revelations that I make. I do that quite enough myself thank you very much.

Yes, that might be what is beginning to go missing. It might be just that she thinks I get it now and skipping that step, but this is what I need. Really important things (like a suicide attempt at 11 years old) were dismissed by my family, "No you didn't". Even when in the aftermath of that attempt, I was obviously not ok, they didn't take me to hospital because they didn't believe me. Meanwhile I could not move my arms and legs for a few hours. Just flat denial, or disregard for anything I said.

Asking questions has been one of the most helpful things I am doing for myself with my T

Yes, you're right. It's no good stewing over this, I need to sort it out. I've gone to mention it a couple of times as it was building up, and I keep going with the intention of saying something, and then don't say it. Maybe, as has been suggested, I should write it down and hand it to her (can't email).

I wrote an email and told her that her comment on the phone hit a sore spot, I also told her why it was a sore spot for me.

The thing is - she knows I experienced a lot of invalidation. Maybe she has forgotten that too :cautious:

Has she actually SAID that she thinks you're over reacting?

To be brutally honest with my answer - No. But she has started to play things down, and being minimised is a big "don't" for me. She said something about bringing down "seriousness" of the event to just an event, like reducing it's significance. I can understand why this is necessary, but for me right now I've realised that I'm craving someone to actually acknowledge that stuff has happened to me that was not normal, and that the lack of reaction or caring from my parents even after serious, life-threatening or frightening events, was not normal. I feel that even my thoughts are wrong, but shouldn't she be telling me that it was reasonable at the time? She did that at the end of the last session when I gave in to the feelings, and said I was sorry to have wasted her time when so many have had it so much worse (I meant it) - she then acknowledged that I had experienced emotional abuse and neglect. I didn't mean to "fish" that from her, I just fell back into thinking I didn't matter.

Your therapist is potentially playing games with you, and an idiot for saying that all young women make escape plans. I have PTSD and I've never made an escape "plan"!

Solara - thank you so much. I've been second-guessing myself all over again. I've had decades of knowing stuff that happened to me wasn't right, but telling myself I was "fine" - I just want to finally address this rubbish.

Trust and directness is very important to me.

Yes, I want to know what she's doing. I don't want to be tricked.

 

[macca]

Just checked my post again to see if it made sense. Found a bit that didn't! If I was attempting suicide, I should have been glad they didn't do anything. But as soon as I did it (I tried to overdose) I suddenly realised I wanted to live after all. Then to have no medical attention just seemed so cruel, when I'd chosen to live.

 

[Abstract]

These are your things you need to discuss with her.

. She had forgotten about that disclosure today, when I referred to it

she suggested it might have been a ghost.

hypnosis,

things might not have had the serious meaning I had suscribed to them

She told me it was a fantastical story, that no wonder they did not believe me, and no wonder they dismissed me even more after that.

dismissing my memories of hypervigilance in my 20s as normal.

There is an awful lot here and about very important things.

One thing I find helps me is to try to view it not in terms of who is right or wrong but rather in terms of knowing all the different bits of information before I make a final decision. In other words there is no wrong to your feelings and they are right and just regardless. I would feel exactly as you do. The information you want is what was and is in her head. That's something we can never know for sure without checking in with someone. We can guess at motivations and intent but can never be sure. Just like they can think they are reading us well but can get it wrong sometimes. If she meant well by something and it harmed you it still harmed you. Her intending something different if that turns out to be the case doesn't change your right to your reactions.

It all depends if she can earn back your trust or not. If she cannot and you have done the right thing by going in and asking to know more then it is not your fault and you have a problem in T at that point!

Other than the hypnosis which makes me feel very uncomfortable I think the ghost comment gets up my nose the most! I am hoping she has had other clients who have spoken about traumatic memories in terms of ghosts (I have seen that before) and she is trying to be sensitive because I am finding it hard to think of anything else less worrying!

For me Iooking back it has been a range of things:
Incompetent therapists.
Therapists without the necessary knowledge.
Me learning very important lessons as a result of realisations. How I sometimes did not say things clearly and yet thought people could read my mind. Just as I thought I could read theirs at times.
The wrong personality fit for me and my particular vulnerabilities.
A therapist with the wrong psychological approach for me.
The therapist having a personal crisis and messing up.
Other things were ironed out with a little bit of conversation and the efforts of the t and me.

Good luck!

This may make you feel a little better and in good company. https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/invalidation-the-root-of-all-evil.21410/ .
I have felt that I actually found invalidation itself traumatic at times.

 

[macca]

@Abstract thank you thank you thank you. That list - that's so amazing. That was so very thoughtful and helpful, it actually brought me to tears. That you could care so much about someone you've never met. And you've given me some clarity, I'm a bit all over the place.

All of you here - I really appreciate your support and answers more than you know.

The ghost comment - well she is starting to come across as liking alternative therapies, and it kind of seems wrapped up with that. She's made a few comments about herbs and stuff. And that's all very well, but I don't want herbs, I want psychological therapy. She told me she'd been visited herself by her deceased grandfather. Ok, who's to say she wasn't? But my experiences of "someone there" - it's too tied in with the other flashbacks and stuff to have been something other than another facet of it. Or are my visual flashbacks ghosts too? Man.

Actually, a couple of times she had used her own personal experiences a bit too much, and I've caught myself thinking "I'm not you, that's not how it is for me". I think maybe she's making some assumptions based on how she would feel. Not very professional.

I will take everything you all have said, and try to sort all this out next session. I have 2 sessions left this year. If it doesn't work out, then I will promise myself to start fresh again next year, with someone else. However hard.

 

[Bluerose]

I get things a bit exact in my head, things are either black or white, so no offence meant here. To my mind T’s job is to listen full stop, and maybe answer some questions. This helps me not to expect too much from her, and to expect more from myself. After all, I’m the one in recover, I’m the one doing the work. T is there simply to keep me on track and moving forward. Admittedly, I used to get quite frustrated having to repeat myself sometimes in the following session. But it got easier once I recognised her role was different from my role. All said and done I was the one doing all the work, my recovery was down to me. T was there simply to guide me along.

 

[macca]

For anybody that would like to know - I had another session today. I mustered all the courage I had, and asked her some questions, and explained to her how I've been feeling like she's explaining stuff away and the effect it has on me. I couldn't even speak initially, but she was patient. I finally got it out, and she was great about it, and took it on board, explained why she had done that, and how we might manage it better in future. I couldn't bring myself to mention her ghost comment though, but I think she got the idea. I was really upset at the thought that I might upset her, because in my upbringing, I was bad to make others upset, and my feelings didn't matter. But she was ok, and I feel a lot better about it.

I also asked her more about the hypnosis and EMDR that she has been suggesting, because my nightmares and hyperarousal have been bad again. I was glad to get an explanation, and know about her experience and training, and also she understood my fears about hypnosis without me having to say - she knew I didn't want to feel that I didn't have control, and that I feared what might come up. So - I have decided to try the EMDR in the first session next year (7th Jan). She does it as a double session, to make sure when I leave that I'm ok. I'm staying away from the hypnosis at least for now. She's also made it ok for me to change my mind, and says that I need to feel ready, and that we won't do it before.

I feel a lot of relief, even though it was terribly hard to bring it all up, especially the invalidation stuff.

 

[mytai]

@macca So proud of you for talking to your T about this all. I'm also glad that it was a positive experience for you, and that your T explained her thought processes. Honestly, I'm just happy you had a positive experience overall with all this. *high five*

 

[Abstract]

I was really upset at the thought that I might upset her

You are a super star. Really. Doing this is what courage is all about. It is immensely hard to do but potentially very healing. And I am relieved for you that your therapist was able to hear you and do her job well. That she didn't mess up. That is what good therapy is all about. You being brave enough to bring your feelings or concerns to therapy in an open minded way and her being able to listen to you and find a way forward.

I hope you tell her about the ghost stuff next time and anything else that is important. She won't know unless you tell her. If only crystal balls really worked! I want my T to have one.