Movingforward10-you are exactly right. A part of me does want things to be at least slightly different. When I originally posted, it was , or seemed important to me on that day, because I would like it to be somewhat different. After more thought, and the fact that we have been to counseling, which did more harm than good. Given other health problems, a history of investing more than partner, wanting to put my time and energy into something that I have more control of (exercise, better eating habits, etc), I do realize, past failures have made me only feel more hopeless., and have led to severe depression. Is it worth all of this. I guess my answer is no. So rather that focus on what is missing from my life and things I have no control over, have decided that I need to focus on what I do have and what I DO have control of. I do need to get healthier and can possibly achieve this. If I can, I have other opportunities for more enjoyment. I also have my kids and grandchildren and would like to travel more, and for the first time in my life, can afford to do so.
What is really positive here, and I want to thank you all for your responses, is that it made me realize the complexities of each of our individual situations. It also made me realize that the area that suffers here, only bothers me a few days a year, which is not bad in the scheme of things. So, no, its not important enough for me to invest my time into it.