My SO suffers from cPTSD. His problems are mainly due to his work experiences although his family life was not exactly ideal growing up either. In our several months of dating, we've had our ups and downs and a couple of fights, but he was very honest with me about his condition and what to expect from the start. He makes sure that I know that he loves me (even if he's not always emotionally available), and, despite his issues, he pushes himself to make me happy (taking me on trips, surprising me at random times, calling me and staying on the phone for hours). I care for him deeply as well, and while it's not an easy relationship, it's something that I wouldn't just get up and walk out on without agonizing over first.
When his problems start acting up, my SO tends to become more withdrawn and to throw himself into his work. I've also kind of noted that in the stretches of these "moods", he tends to become more cynical and more...deprecating?...of the people around him (including myself, although his deprecating comments are usually in a joking manner). I will admit, some of the comments do really bother me, and while I've been able to voice that concern, which has strengthened our relationship, he very often goes back to the same pattern of behavior.
For me, personally, I tend to have a lower self-confidence and to be more needy in relationships. I like getting into routines, but my SO's cPTSD and demanding work schedule make a routine impossible (and it's usually me asking when he wants to meet up, rarely the other way around). His history with his family combined with social anxiety related to his cPTSD also means that he does not see family relationships as vital whereas I am extremely close to my family and would love it if I could spend time with all of the people who are most important to me together (plus, I have had to dodge so many questions as to why he hasn't met them already).
I guess what I am saying here is that despite his problems, my SO does the best he can in trying to recognize me and work at our relationship. I try to put a lot of effort into the relationship as well. I care for him and do not want to just walk out when the going gets tough. I know he goes through hell and that I am never going to be able to fully understand or change how he feels when he is at a low point. It would be unfair to expect differently. However, considering that he's already jumping hurdles every day just to maintain a relationship with me, how do I balance his needs for space, time, and understanding with my own happiness and needs, especially in considering a more long-term commitment? How do I deal with the fact that his job, the source of his cPTSD, wins out over me when he becomes more withdrawn? How do I not take my inability to help or be there for him personally? For all the SOs of PTSD sufferers out there, what do you do in order to protect yourself emotionally and to deal with the isolation when times get rough? Thank you for your advice!
When his problems start acting up, my SO tends to become more withdrawn and to throw himself into his work. I've also kind of noted that in the stretches of these "moods", he tends to become more cynical and more...deprecating?...of the people around him (including myself, although his deprecating comments are usually in a joking manner). I will admit, some of the comments do really bother me, and while I've been able to voice that concern, which has strengthened our relationship, he very often goes back to the same pattern of behavior.
For me, personally, I tend to have a lower self-confidence and to be more needy in relationships. I like getting into routines, but my SO's cPTSD and demanding work schedule make a routine impossible (and it's usually me asking when he wants to meet up, rarely the other way around). His history with his family combined with social anxiety related to his cPTSD also means that he does not see family relationships as vital whereas I am extremely close to my family and would love it if I could spend time with all of the people who are most important to me together (plus, I have had to dodge so many questions as to why he hasn't met them already).
I guess what I am saying here is that despite his problems, my SO does the best he can in trying to recognize me and work at our relationship. I try to put a lot of effort into the relationship as well. I care for him and do not want to just walk out when the going gets tough. I know he goes through hell and that I am never going to be able to fully understand or change how he feels when he is at a low point. It would be unfair to expect differently. However, considering that he's already jumping hurdles every day just to maintain a relationship with me, how do I balance his needs for space, time, and understanding with my own happiness and needs, especially in considering a more long-term commitment? How do I deal with the fact that his job, the source of his cPTSD, wins out over me when he becomes more withdrawn? How do I not take my inability to help or be there for him personally? For all the SOs of PTSD sufferers out there, what do you do in order to protect yourself emotionally and to deal with the isolation when times get rough? Thank you for your advice!
