This is the time of year it hits me but I have to keep finding ways of pushing back, however, it was dark and rainy yesterday and that is a major trigger for me. This morning feeling body conscious leads me to the wall coming down and shutting me down physically. No power walk this morning - not good because that would help me through the day but I feel cold, tired, and low with a chance of plummeting.
I can see that as soon as my husband gets out of bed I will replace him and call it a day.
I do have a therapy appt tomorrow so this won't be a week long issue, just one day, so I'm not too concerned. It's just a HUGE YUK!!
I saw the new pdoc and last week and although she refilled meds, I cut her off from being able to look into my old med records. But she had already looked my name up because she knew (or almost knew) how many times I had been married and let me know. I said, while smiling and shaking my finger at her, "you've been checking up on me" and then corrected her on the number of times. She seemed surprised, but I wanted her to know that I knew she was looking and she would only get so far. I hoped we understood each other, I wasn't new to this kind of the game but I like being upfront about it. She never did ask me why I refused to sign the release of medical records and I didn't volunteer, I was not getting into discussing my bad feelings on drs. I did, however, let her know how much I would miss my old pdoc and turns out she knew him and his wife.
I found it interesting and at the same time insulting that she was surprised I had never been to jail, prison, and had held great jobs for good amounts in decent companies, maybe because I looked a bit like a some bizzarro up there in age teenager with blacken eyes and doc martens on or maybe it was too many to count marriages, or longevity of my recent one, I have no idea. But come on!! I liked her though, once we were clear on why I was there, what I was looking for, and that she was pleased I check all meds out online along with side effects. I am very involved in any of my treatments.
It was stressful and I don't like people checking up on. I don't like being above the radar. This little city is really a small small place and drs talk talk talk ... know one another and once they know me they KNOW ME. I tend to be antagonistic with the field, lots of distrust and it takes a lot to get my respect. I have worked hard to keep my attitude in check but I can be triggered. I have been burned by my ignorance and by the arrogance of some young and nasty pdocs that have blown through this area thinking to make some easy money. I've even been told on the first appointment point blank, "I don't care how you feel emotionally, that's between you and your therapist, I am here simply to work with your medications. Do we understand each other?" HA! The gall, I mean really, how did you figure out if a medication for depression is working unless you listen to your client say how they are feeling? It's really a no brainer.It's a head shaker how some of these people ever get a license let alone clients.
Enough complaining, there are some very very good ones out there, I have had them, even here. It's just been a flashback land and I'm feeling it.
Raining
Yes, seeing new pdocs stress me out....back lash right now...projection, rumination, flashbacks.
I can see that as soon as my husband gets out of bed I will replace him and call it a day.
I do have a therapy appt tomorrow so this won't be a week long issue, just one day, so I'm not too concerned. It's just a HUGE YUK!!
I saw the new pdoc and last week and although she refilled meds, I cut her off from being able to look into my old med records. But she had already looked my name up because she knew (or almost knew) how many times I had been married and let me know. I said, while smiling and shaking my finger at her, "you've been checking up on me" and then corrected her on the number of times. She seemed surprised, but I wanted her to know that I knew she was looking and she would only get so far. I hoped we understood each other, I wasn't new to this kind of the game but I like being upfront about it. She never did ask me why I refused to sign the release of medical records and I didn't volunteer, I was not getting into discussing my bad feelings on drs. I did, however, let her know how much I would miss my old pdoc and turns out she knew him and his wife.
I found it interesting and at the same time insulting that she was surprised I had never been to jail, prison, and had held great jobs for good amounts in decent companies, maybe because I looked a bit like a some bizzarro up there in age teenager with blacken eyes and doc martens on or maybe it was too many to count marriages, or longevity of my recent one, I have no idea. But come on!! I liked her though, once we were clear on why I was there, what I was looking for, and that she was pleased I check all meds out online along with side effects. I am very involved in any of my treatments.
It was stressful and I don't like people checking up on. I don't like being above the radar. This little city is really a small small place and drs talk talk talk ... know one another and once they know me they KNOW ME. I tend to be antagonistic with the field, lots of distrust and it takes a lot to get my respect. I have worked hard to keep my attitude in check but I can be triggered. I have been burned by my ignorance and by the arrogance of some young and nasty pdocs that have blown through this area thinking to make some easy money. I've even been told on the first appointment point blank, "I don't care how you feel emotionally, that's between you and your therapist, I am here simply to work with your medications. Do we understand each other?" HA! The gall, I mean really, how did you figure out if a medication for depression is working unless you listen to your client say how they are feeling? It's really a no brainer.It's a head shaker how some of these people ever get a license let alone clients.
Enough complaining, there are some very very good ones out there, I have had them, even here. It's just been a flashback land and I'm feeling it.
Raining
Yes, seeing new pdocs stress me out....back lash right now...projection, rumination, flashbacks.
