Basic Human Rights

[Changing4Best]

...decide whether or not I wish to work towards forgiving anyone and the right not to forgive.

Unforgiveness only hurts the one who is feeling it. It does not hurt the one who is unforgiven at all or generally that is the way of it anyway. Bitterness can build up in your heart and soul so awful that it makes you sick, so forgiving is the best route. It does not mean that you have to let the person back into your life or anything like that, or even tell them that you have forgiven them. It simply means that you let it go and don't dwell upon it in your heart and soul, so that you can move on with your life in a healthy way. No offense intended, but being unforgiving is like swallowing a bottle of poison and expecting your adversary to die. It just does not work that way. Does this make any sense to you?

 

[Sideways]

@SheilaKathy - I can definitely see where you're coming from. But my two cents is that "forgiveness" means different things to different people.

For some people, as an example, it can be empowering to decide for themselves "I am not going to forgive that person for what they did, but I am going to decide that they are no longer relevant in my life."

There's many different ways of understanding "forgiveness" on a personal level. And for me personally, I think maybe one day I'd like to forgive my abusers. But I can also see that for some people, there are paths to healing that don't have to include an act of forgiveness towards their abuser. Simply deciding that the abuser is no longer relevant can offen be incredibly freeing for some (JMHO).

 

[Changing4Best]

Yes, letting go and getting it all out of your mind is the best way. If forgiveness can be a part of that, all the better, but most importantly is the letting go part.

 

[Lionheart]

Unforgiveness only hurts the one who is feeling it.. No offense intended. Does this make any sense to you?

Yes, what you said makes sense to me.

I have decided to forgive all but one of my abuse perps, that is because he was a psychology major and knew the effect it would have on me, but it is a mental grudge and not one I hold in my heart!!

The fact remains he chose to abuse me and that I won't forgive, but I am not bitter, hurt, or dwelling on it...I have moved on with my life without holding any hate in my heart!!!

Can you understand what I mean by holding a mental grudge but not an emotional one?

I have asked the Creator to forgive him and I hold no ill will, but at the same time I will not ever totally forgive or forget that he chose to abuse me. Maybe that seems contradictory, but it is the way I deal with it at this point.

Like @Ragdoll Circus said, he is not relevant to my life anymore.

Thanks for allowing me to express my views,

Lion

 

[digger]

I have the right to a loving relationship with someone I choose

I like some of those in your earlier posts, but this one doesn't sit comfortably with me. It may just be the wording that is bothering me, but I think when it comes to talking about rights, wording is important.

I think you have the right to be in a mutually consensual relationship without fear of persecution from others because of it.

I don't think you have the right to 'a loving relationship with someone you choose' - What if the someone you choose doesn't want a loving relationship with you?

 

[Changing4Best]

@Lionheart777 Yes, that makes sense to me and I can see how it works for you. Be well, my friend, and enjoy the wonderfulness of the season outside. I hope it is as nice there as it has been here for several days now. Flowers, every green tree, folks out and about who greet you nicely, oh how wonderful life can be!

 

[Mit]

Unforgiveness only hurts the one who is feeling it. It does not hurt the one who is unforgiven at all

That is not my experience, not at all.

I remain unforgiven by the majority of my former friends. Regardless of the fact that I truly believe they were wrong to judge me and withdraw their friendship, I still very much wish they could and would forgive me for what they believe I did wrong. It's been nearly six years now, I think about it most days and it hurts every time . Being forgiven, would help me heal and bring some closure. For me It's an open wound without forgiveness.

 

[Changing4Best]

@Mit I'm so sorry that you have been unforgiven. I advise folks always to forgive. Have you thought of asking for forgiveness? Maybe they have all forgotten about it even or just have not thought about you or it lately. There is no harm in asking for forgiveness. The worst that can happen is that they refuse. The best is that maybe fences can be mended and you can at least regain some of your old friendships.

 

[joeylittle]

If forgiveness can be a part of that, all the better, but most importantly is the letting go part.

Personally, I think forgiveness is very over-rated. And I don't believe in letting go, in those terms. I do believe in acceptance of both the good and the bad. It's very hard to accept the bad, and exist with it, even though you know it was wrong. But that's what it's like for me. I can't let go of my injuries, I live with them. I can't forgive my assailants. But, I can work towards accepting what happened to me, and letting it be part of me but not what defines me.

 

[Lionheart]

I think we may have gone a little off topic. The point is that we have the right to choose to forgive or not to forgive others.

It is a right that we have and although bitterness may possibly result from not forgiving, we still have the right to choose if we will forgive or not. One can still heal from trauma either way and I think that point needs to be made.

 

[Lionheart]

This is specific to me at the moment;

I have the right to view myself in a positive light as lovable and worthy of being treated with dignity and respect.

I have the right to reject negativity, low self-esteem and other things that cause me emotional pain or hinder my happiness and success in life.

 

[Mit]

Yes you do @Lionheart777 and I'm grateful for the thread. Had I adopted these rights a few years ago it might of help me retain the self belief that I was an intrinsically good person with normal human failings.

Thank you for sharing this.