Been a while

[Pauline]

I was born with a heart condition and when I was a teenager at 16 I lost my memory for a month after a blackout episode of not being able to breath for three hours as a result I could not remember who I was or my family and friends. When I had to go back to school I was put back a year and was bullied severely and neglected by my previous friends. I started cutting at 17 but my parents lashed out at me first and I still had daily panic attacks and childlike regression when my memory was fully recovered.

In university I watched my nan die from cancer in my second year and I was in therapy for those three years due to cutting nightmares and panic attacks.

I overdosed in my last year of uni because I couldn't deal with my school memories and when I left university I went on to do higher education and in 2016 I had a severe swimming accident now as a result I have pains in my chest and still have child like regression from my memory loss trauma.

I am 25 and I have started self harming again I stopped for a long time but now I feel I'm back to where I used to be and I hate that.

I am not in therapy because my therapist just up and left me and I'm struggling to go back please can somebody help me because I feel like this self harm is something bigger than me at the moment and I used to be stronger I also don't know if I have ptsd still because my flashbacks aren't as severe but I still feel so nervous inside my body and I don't know how to cope or who to talk to I hope being on here helps

 

[Freida]

oh good grief child! Of course you are struggling! Look at all you have been forced to overcome. And on your own. That is awful.

Yes, you deserve a new therapist who can help you through this. Self harm is a cry for help and you need to pay attention to it. Work with the part of you that feels the only way to get attention or reduce the pain is through more pain. Tell her you are looking for help and will get her someone who can get you both thru this as soon as you can. Reassure her that you see her and you want to work with her to make both of you better and maybe you can get her to back off a bit...

 

[Friday]

I am not in therapy because my therapist just up and left me and I'm struggling to go back please can somebody help me because I feel like this self harm is something bigger than me at the moment and I used to be stronger I also don't know if I have ptsd still because my flashbacks aren't as severe but I still feel so nervous inside my body and I don't know how to cope or who to talk to I hope being on here helps

PTSD is lifelong, even though symptoms can go completely into remission, they also tend to cycle back under stress (see stress cup), new trauma, or loss of coping skills.

Apart from therapy, which you don't have right now; & self harm, which you don't want right now... what other coping skills do you have or like best?

 

[Pauline]

At the moment I just spend a lot of time by myself resting in my bed listening to music or trying to walk out my stress that I get so tired I can't do anything else but sleep I try spend a bit of time with family but Christmas is hard

Thanks for replying back I really appreciate it

 

[Pauline]

Please may somebody give me an insight on this if you can

 

[EveHarrington]

I stopped actively hurting myself awhile ago, but now, years later, I’m still fighting the urges to self harm via food.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Bullies bully because they are weak, they feel inferior and they need to feel superior to those that they bully. They are cowards. You are stronger that the bullies were. You’ve survived a heart condition and the shit from the bullies.

I don’t understand self harm so I can’t give you any advice. All I can do is ask that if you have the urge, stop and ask yourself if there might be a better way to deal with your pain......

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Darn, tough shit you've gone through.

But hey, you are still alive.

The main mechanism of selfharm is the whole endorphin thing. Now, it might be hard to just replace with something like exercise.l, but I've found that moving to lets say milder forms of self harm helps.

I am not recommending self harm, but try taking a really hot show and see what that does for you. Doesn't really harm you, but still helps.

Good luck :hug: