that_1_girl
Confident
My boyfriend has been hurt a lot in his life (childhood trauma, and his high school fiancée died before they could get married, etc.) and he’s also been hurt a lot by women specifically, which leaves him with a lot of insecurities about infidelity in his relationships. He is a recovering drug addict and has done a lot of things while active in his addictions that he’s not at ALL proud of now that he’s in recovery, and he has been honest with me about a lot of it (at least I believe him because he’s told me stuff that reflects very poorly on his previous behavior/integrity.) No matter what way my CPTSD-paranoid brain negatively twists things, I cannot figure out a single way he could possibly benefit from telling me these things and also with my more rational brain I know we have promised absolute honesty with eachother.
Here’s the real problem: I was very recently diagnosed with DID. I have been honest with him about having parts and littles for as long as I’ve suspected something of the kind. I do not always have total amnesia for every switch (I do sometimes) but I often have partial/quite a bit of amnesia from switching and sometimes I’m completely co-conscious with some of my parts. I have also been called a completely unfamiliar name by my “safe dad” and had no clue why he was calling me that name and he’s told me that I had just told him 10 minutes before that I was 7 years old and my name was Amy. That is DEFINITELY NOT my name.
So naturally my boyfriend is getting paranoid that I’m going to unknowingly cheat on him and/or that I’m making up the DID either for attention (cue my introject part that is really good at sounding exactly like my ex-therapist who denied all of the trauma “we” as a collective have been through, and insisted I was borderline and there was something fundamentally wrong with the core of who “I” was, hence it’s one of my biggest fears and insecurities and I’M still scared I’m making ALL of it up— DID, CPTSD, trauma, and everything), OR “to see someone behind his back.” That one really bothers me because I as the “usual me” am 100% monogamous and always have been my entire life. The rest of us are either minors and littles and it would be extremely inappropriate for them to “see”/“talk to” ANYONE, or a-romantic, asexual adults of a variety of gender identities. I MYSELF as “the mod” (“the moderator” is what I call myself —I do have a name too—because I’m a STEM nerd) am totally in love with him and love him and I told him tonight as usual that I love him and I’m not going anywhere, and also for the first time that he is ENOUGH for me and that I want my best life and I want him to have his best life and I want us to have them side by side.
Does anyone have any experience with relationships when you have DID and the other person doesn’t, but has serious insecurities about relationships? I am doing my best and he is truly doing his best and owning his issues and I am trying my hardest to own mine, and we’re both in individual therapy, but I think it might be time for a couple’s session or two with a third party (as in neither of our individual therapists)….?
EDIT: I’m every bit as scared of having DID as he is scared about me having it. I’ve honestly been switching for decades but I had no idea what switching was. And the antipsychotic meds masked it up largely for a long time, like 14 years. So it feels brand new but in fact it’s nothing new.
Here’s the real problem: I was very recently diagnosed with DID. I have been honest with him about having parts and littles for as long as I’ve suspected something of the kind. I do not always have total amnesia for every switch (I do sometimes) but I often have partial/quite a bit of amnesia from switching and sometimes I’m completely co-conscious with some of my parts. I have also been called a completely unfamiliar name by my “safe dad” and had no clue why he was calling me that name and he’s told me that I had just told him 10 minutes before that I was 7 years old and my name was Amy. That is DEFINITELY NOT my name.
So naturally my boyfriend is getting paranoid that I’m going to unknowingly cheat on him and/or that I’m making up the DID either for attention (cue my introject part that is really good at sounding exactly like my ex-therapist who denied all of the trauma “we” as a collective have been through, and insisted I was borderline and there was something fundamentally wrong with the core of who “I” was, hence it’s one of my biggest fears and insecurities and I’M still scared I’m making ALL of it up— DID, CPTSD, trauma, and everything), OR “to see someone behind his back.” That one really bothers me because I as the “usual me” am 100% monogamous and always have been my entire life. The rest of us are either minors and littles and it would be extremely inappropriate for them to “see”/“talk to” ANYONE, or a-romantic, asexual adults of a variety of gender identities. I MYSELF as “the mod” (“the moderator” is what I call myself —I do have a name too—because I’m a STEM nerd) am totally in love with him and love him and I told him tonight as usual that I love him and I’m not going anywhere, and also for the first time that he is ENOUGH for me and that I want my best life and I want him to have his best life and I want us to have them side by side.
Does anyone have any experience with relationships when you have DID and the other person doesn’t, but has serious insecurities about relationships? I am doing my best and he is truly doing his best and owning his issues and I am trying my hardest to own mine, and we’re both in individual therapy, but I think it might be time for a couple’s session or two with a third party (as in neither of our individual therapists)….?
EDIT: I’m every bit as scared of having DID as he is scared about me having it. I’ve honestly been switching for decades but I had no idea what switching was. And the antipsychotic meds masked it up largely for a long time, like 14 years. So it feels brand new but in fact it’s nothing new.
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