Being Treated Like An Object

[Thinkingman85]

I'm aware that I was treated as an object. There is a depressing and intrusive feeling that validates it. I didn't want to accept that I was being used for three years until I finally broke. I disconnected contact with my older brother for six years but the horrible feeling is still there. I'm wondering how people on this forum have been able to regain their sense of worth, confidence, and self trust back.

 

[nomedic1]

It takes a lot of work thinking.

 

[Thinkingman85]

True

 

[wolfie205]

Mine was only a few incidents and I'm actually still living with him. Probably because I still haven't faced up to it and accepted what happened. I just acted like everyone else, like nothing happened and we're all ok. I guess, it takes time, to process what has happened, to try and regain back what you've lost.

 

[Thinkingman85]

Reestablishing a relationship with him is not an option. His ridicule was so harsh that I almost committed suicide. The only reason I lived with him for so long was because both of our parents passed away and he was asking me for help. I haven't beaten him to a pulp because most people say that it won't solve anything. However, by not getting revenge the only feelings I've acquired are that of being a weak man and someone who allows himself to be disrespected. I WAS disrepected. How can you just walk away? I can't enjoy life the way I want because of this. Everyone is completely oblivious to how he acted because he puts on a mask in public like he is a caring person. He needs a bat taken to his face. I know that it sounds mean but he knew what he was doing. Otherwise, I wouldn't be suffering.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

It comes and goes. Therapy helps. Are you back in therapy yet?

 

[ashdawn8287]

Trying new things builds confidence no matter how small it is or seems. I started with relaxation, routine, and it just kind of went from there.

To trust yourself again you have to be willing to put the effort in to take care of yourself emotionally and physically. You have to do whatever it is you want to do and be more reliable. After a few months of doing that and not letting yourself down and you will begin to feel that self trust again and eventually realize that no matter what you will be okay, because you can take care of yourself.

Challenging your negative thoughts is crucial. Write down all those bad things. Then write down positive ones. I bet when you look at the bad things you wrote down it will look exhausting, then look at the positive statements, those probably will look more controlled, shorter, easier. Really puts into perspective the power of words.

I am constantly repeating myself on here to everyone. It really is about developing new habits. It is about controlling your thoughts, your feelings, your breathing, your body. It is about repetition even when you don't believe in yourself. It is about developing a better lifestyle.

 

[DMerish]

However, by not getting revenge the only feelings I've acquired are that of being a weak man and someone who allows himself to be disrespected.

My brother did something similar to my sister. A few years later, she got a bat and a big carving knife and "went to town" on her bed, cussing, screaming and crying the whole time. She did it again and a again over a few years. She "disowned" him, bought two additional beds (cheap) and did it again and again. It helped her a lot. Now, I completely get what she did and wouldn't hesitate if I felt the compulsion.

 

[quic]

I WAS disrepected. How can you just walk away? I can't enjoy life the way I want because of this.

Speaking from experience, the thirst for revenge will NEVER go away if you don’t work through this properly. I spent 20 years focusing on getting even for what someone did, and it still pops up sometimes.

It is a basic human need to defend ourselves and the ones we love. Failing to protect what is important to us permanently changes something inside us. It creates beliefs that fuel anger, resentment and fear for years to come. We can learn to vent the feelings attached to those events, we can learn to relax our overexcited nervous system, we can distract ourselves, or even bottle it up, but nothing can erase the past. I don’t think we have to erase it to be happy again.

This kind of emotional cycle creates an enormous amount of emotional energy that has to find a way out someplace. How do you deal with the feelings you have? How do you tap into the most painful ideas and allow that energy to safely come to the surface?

We CAN change our feelings about the past, if we want to. But wanting to is difficult, you have to give yourself permission to accept what happened. Something inside says NO, don’t let that go, it was wrong and I don’t want it to have happened, it is too unbearable. This idea that we can’t or won’t let it go is the core of our challenge. We can learn to accept any idea or belief, even if we know it was wrong, horrible or bad. I believe the key lies somewhere in how we feel about ourselves.

We have to love and respect ourselves enough to allow happiness to be an option. As long as we hold onto these patterns of thought we will never be happy, it won’t even be an option. If love is not the right word try self-respect, dignity, and self-appreciation. Don’t let anyone else be the controller of your respect and dignity, these qualities are yours to create and command. We can allow ourselves to feel respect without revenge.

We create much of our own suffering by repeating the crime over and over in our mind. I know what it is like to be disrespected, to feel like you allowed yourself to be disrespected. I know what it is like to want to die to just to stop the pain. I also know now that those feelings are a choice that is within my control to change. There are others on this forum that have learned how to feel happiness again. If we follow their lead we can experience happiness too.

 

[circe47]

For me, it was understanding I am a better person because I don't give into my baser urges by getting revenge. I am the type that hurts when others hurt, so I feel better about that in knowing that I can feel something that objectifiers don't. This actually helps me to feel sorry for them, rather than angry and vengeful.

 

[Thinkingman85]

Solara, I'm not in therapy right now. I went for 12 weeks. I know that that doesn't seem like much. I might go back. However, my support system (i.e. friends) are definitely helping me at the moment.