Being Triggered By My Baby Crying

[AppleBlossom]

Hi there. I'm new to this forum. I just finished introducing myself in the introduction section. I need some advice.

My 11 month-old son started daycare last month as I'll be going back to work in 2 weeks. Of course, he cries every morning when I leave him there. And that is a big trigger for me. Ever since he was born, I have been unable to hear him cry without feeling panicked. Fortunately, he hardly ever cries when he's home. But now, I have to deal with him crying everyday and, instead of taking him in my arms to soothe him, I have to turn my back to him and leave. It's been a month now and most days, when I get back home after leaving him, I spend the rest of the day on the edge of bursting in tears or of having a panic attack. By the time I go to pick him up at the end of the day, I'm exhausted and slightly nauseous (so I hardly eat supper). I also get easily irritated by my husband and 6 year-old son, especially when the noise level in the house goes up. I was hoping that bringing baby to the same daycare provider that took care of my oldest son, and whom I completely trust, would make things easier.

My therapist suggest that I practice visualizing my "calm place", which I try to do but find difficult. My husband thinks it's just a matter of time. I would ask him to bring the baby to daycare instead of me but that's not feasible because of his work schedule. I don't know what to do to make this easier for me and I'm starting to stress at the thought of living through this while going back to work in 2 weeks!

Any suggestions are welcome.

 

[ladee]

Welcome @AppleBlossom, my first question is have you told your GYN about this? Not only is there a reason for your symptoms, but hormones may be playing a part in this... Just a suggestion. Please keep writing and letting us know how you are doing.. of course non of us are Dr's and can not tell you specifically what is going on... but would start with GYN visit... and please be gentle with yourself.Being a new mom, by itself, is very stressful at times. Know that we are here to listen ... sending you :hug:'s if you accept them.

 

[Suzetig]

Would it help if you knew your baby settled soon after you left him? It's not unusual for babies to cry when they're left, it's part of the attachment process, but they will generally quieten down and settle after a short time. I know my sister would wait outside the nursery school, out of sight, and wait till she heard my nephew stop crying which generally took just a couple of minutes. Have you spoken to the daycare staff, they may not be used to dealing with PTSD triggers, but will be used to anxious parents leaving crying children.

 

[Nikie]

I am so sad for you ..I Never had to give my kids of .. Only to Grandma every now and then. I know she only treated them extremely nice.
But my first question always are is there something that this kid experience as not nice . I dunno why I feel this. But I would put a spy cam on my kid and see if the people is what they say they are .. Sorry for being so suspicious .. !!!!

Then if I proved they are good to my kids I will slowly make my kid realize how nice it is to play with friends. Its only new to him..

And afcause you will be sick .. You are a very good mum!!!! Its a matter of you and baby need to learn how to be separated from each other. Thank goodness my kids never needed to go to any daycare I would have been a wreck!!!! Saw a video clip in osout africa the bad part is it hapened in MY town where the nanny hit the kid .. She sat on the sofa and eat and drink .. And each time the kids fall asleep she grabe him by the leg and hit him sonhe can cry gain she had so mush hate in her the poor baby :cry::cry:if you hat me hate me dont take my money to hurt my kid i will hunt you down and .... Lets leave it there !!!!!

They went to school2 years I couldn't handle it and I did homeschool I am sorry for them now feels like they missed a lot but anawy its about your kids and how you feel.

Just be slow on yourself and your kid. We have a game we played ( " waar is hy waar is hy ... Daar is hy!!!)
You had behind a blanket and say where am I where am I ..????? And you open the blanket and say here I am!!!
This teaches the kid that you are gone but you will come back ..

This is all about trust play trust games with him leave him in a room say lift your fingers one by one say na na na and the last one shout naaaaa ( or something) till every finger is lifted then I will be back .. Make times longer never ever reward him never then he will expect rewardind the reward is mummy came back!!! Never let another person pick him up ...

Good luck .. Warm hugs to you:hug:

 

[AppleBlossom]

Welcome @AppleBlossom, my first question is have you told your GYN about this? Not onl...

Unfortunately, I don't have access to a gynecologist, but hormones are probably why my family doctor diagnosed a postpartum depression. You're right though, I need to be more gentle with myself. Thanks :-)

 

[AppleBlossom]

Would it help if you knew your baby settled soon after you left him? It's not unusual for babies to cry...

That is a great suggestion :-) I'll try it. He screams so loudly, it's really not hard to hear him from outside my daycare provider's house LOL Thanks! I'll let you know if it helps.

 

[AppleBlossom]

I am so sad for you ..I Never had to give my kids of .. Only to Grandma every now and then. I know she o...

You're right, there are horror stories out there about very bad babysitters. I was very careful about checking in unannounced and at different times when I first brought my oldest there. But he spent 3 very happy years there so I know she is taking very good care of my baby as well. I will spend more time playing those games you're suggesting. Thanks :-)

 

[AppleBlossom]

That is a great suggestion :) I'll try it. He screams so loudly, it's really not hard to hear him...

So far, it has worked. He stops crying less than 5 minutes after I've closed the door! I was finally able to relax last week :-) Tomorrow morning, I go back to work after a year of maternity leave, more confident than I was before. Thanks again!

 

[Suzetig]

I'm so pleased, if it helps at all your baby crying when you leave and settling down the way you describe is completely normal - its a sign of good attachment to you which is exactly how it should be. I hope your return to work goes well.

 

[nycowboy]

I hear you. My kids are 12 and 9 now, but when they were babies, boy was it hard. The noise in the house, the BABY MONITOR magnifying their every twitch and breath. I remember my anxiety going through the roof sometimes.

This isn't much help to say, but it does get easier. The first time I took my older son to daycare I bawled my eyes out for 3 hours. My wife was fine.

Being a parent to a baby is HARD for ANYONE, but having PTSD magnifies the difficulties tremendously.

 

[AppleBlossom]

I've been back at work for over a week now and I haven't had any panic attack :-) Though I'm very tired in the evening, I don't feel on edge around the kids or my husband. So far so good! But I know I can't let the fatigue build or I'll crash within the next few weeks. So I'll try to get lots of rest during the weekend. Thankfully, my husband encourages me that way and loves taking care of the kids :-)