Betrayed By My Mother!!! (in Another Incident)

[Escape Goat]

She was 5'11" with the looks of a supermodel. Smart as a whip. And she liked all the things that I liked. There was no being tongue-tied. When I conversed with her, it was as if some divine source was cuing me. Indeed an extremely rare and beautiful gem.

Amelia and I had a great time on the ski slope that day. I was confident Mom would have been pleased as punch to meet a girl that could match her incredible wit, intelligence, and good taste. It all seemed right. It all felt right. I had gotten past her "mistake" back at Britta's party the previous year. I thought maybe it would all go right this time.

We stopped at my place. As this was our first contact I was cordial and convivial but not too imposing -or at least it seemed that way. We sat on the sofa, closely but without contact. It seemed to me it was too soon to get too close yet. The idea was to let each other get to know the other. So far, so very good. It had good promise.

As I knew would happen, Mom stepped into the living room and stopped only inches away from the arm chair that was opposite but close enough that she could see and hear us well and join the conversation. I thought for sure that she was going to sit there and I would have been more than happy to have her join for the chat.

I would have motioned her to take a seat in that chair but before I had that chance to...

Now get this!

Surprise!

Instead, she crossed the floor, detoured around the coffee table...
AND SAT HERSELF RIGHT IN BETWEEN ME AND AMELIA ON THE SOFA, splitting us two even wider apart with her mass!!!

It is NO ACCUSATION that she would have never caught herself dead doing that to either of my brothers.

I bolted up like a spooked grouse and hurried to the kitchen as if pretending to go make some tea. I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't believe it! I didn't know how else to deal with it!

Confirmed! MY MOTHER DOES NOT WANT ME TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A GIRL -or that was my interpretation.

I wanted to melt through the floor. I stood in the kitchen of my own home but I was lost in some alien and far away place at the same time. Mom returned after several minutes and said: "I guess Mom is not delicate about her ways".

I stood there, expressionless, and I never went back to the living room that evening, and I never saw Amelia again after that.

What the hell was that?

 

[Queen Boudica]

Ok, your mother is strange. But, you left your girlfriend to sit there with her all night after that happened. So how did that look to your girlfriend? Don't give up because someone does something wrong. I'm not sure why your mother did that, it shows some kind of wrong thinking, but if she acts like that, then you can't let her drive your destiny. Was it a betrayal. or just a jealous stupid act?

 

[moonbeam]

Your mum sounds very manipulative between this and your other thread. Is this a few decades old as well or a current event?

May I suggest that you make a trauma diary to record all of these events in one place? Its good because it gives people a story to follow, and you a designated place to share everything without judgement. It also will result in people being less confused as usually PTSD relationships forum is for currently happening issues so people may come in and try to give you advice for stuff that happened a long time ago.

 

[Powder]

Your mother and you over-intellectualize the mundane.

You met a nice girl and your mom, who you know is aberrant, naturally botched it up.

Simple answer: therapy and probably not having much if any contact with your life-destroying mother, unless you want to allow her to destroy your present and future, as well as the past. Past you had no control over. Present, you do.

I work with a man who has a crazy mom. But it was just him and her growing up; dad was always either drunk or working.

He's an only child and feels obligated to care for his aging, life-ruining parents. He's been twice married, cheated on, and divorced and has totally given up on having a relationship because his mom, like yours, is repellant. Both his wives disliked and could hardly stand his horrible, possessive, crazy mom.

Another co-worker was friends with a girl he dated. He asked her out to dinner, and instead of taking her to a restaurant, took her to his mom's house. His mom brought in a three course meal without speaking, just acted like a waiter. This freaked out the girl, who never wanted to see him again and talked about his crazy mom to everyone at work (they worked together). So now this man has a local reputation has having the mother from "Mommy Dearest" and no woman wants to date him.

Sometimes, you have two choices: mom or life. She gave you life, but it's up to you to live it.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@Muse hit the nail on the head. Like, like, like...

 

[Escape Goat]

TY all for the responses. Unfortunately this is also a few decades old and coming from a time in my live I was naive, lonely, and confused from what I finally found to be a complicated system of double standards and sugar-coated lies. In that bygone time I was brainwashed and without any sense of identity. Until I found it in me to seize control and to learn to nip the situations in the bud, Mom always lived her life vicariously through me.

I posted it to see what would come up and it does validate what I had seen and knew all along.

And yes, Mom has a conniving and manipulative side and she has done some downright evil things to me with it. I have tried to reason with her about that but it was futile. I don't share much of my life with her anymore.

I have been going to counseling for some years and only now and this late in my life has the true picture come into focus, and that's why some of my posts date from quite far back.

TY all for your feedback.

 

[Powder]

I'm glad that you have had good counseling and, like me, are strong enough to look back and see the deception in the parenting and accept it.

That is so hard to do, and you probably already know from your counselor and reading, but few people heal to the point that they can cut ties or reduce contact and they just never move on.

I think how your mom treated you, sleeping on the couch, tent or floor, alone is horrible. It's like she actually enlisted the whole family in joining her to make you the scapegoat. Has your counselor talked to you about narcissistic mothers?

There are a lot of good sites about that. I just found a new one. New ones pop up all the time.

By the way, I wouldn't pay money to this site, just read the list: http://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/narcissistic-mother-survey/ is one.

The best one is daughtersofnarcissisticmothers but it applies to sons also.

I'm not saying that's what she is, because I have only what you've told us, but from that, having favorites and castigating one child is typical of narcissists (not just parents, grandparents, bosses, etc).

 

[Escape Goat]

TY Muse!

Again, Mom's antics were so subtle, so cloak-and-dagger that I never realized it until very recently. Now I don't even know why I kept the relationship alive with her while I shut Dad out of my life around that time.

Dad was the more blatant abuser and the main focus at the time in dealing with my situation and the one that I wanted to hurt the most.

Deep inside I always suspected that behind Mom's "protectiveness", "nurturing", and attentiveness to providing life's necessities, there was some kind of undercurrent. Although she had put herself out on a limb for me in my early childhood years trying to find help for my (unknown at the time) Asperger's syndrome, it was almost as if she had a hidden agenda all along.

On the physical level of proving necessities and our Xmas and birthday gifts we were all equal but it is in the deeper levels that we find all the discrepancies and colossal unfairness. My sister had been the GC from the word go and she always and forever came first no matter what.

It is very hard to describe in words how things were done in my household but for a visual example, my GC sister always "had eyes bigger than her stomach" and every night wasted enormous amounts of food with blatant impunity even if we growing boys had to do without.

And yes, Muse, I see now how she castigated all of my siblings against me, considering how she was always so slack in "disciplining" them. The fact that my Hero brother got the privilege of auxiliary parent speaks volumes. Getting ganged up on was part of every day life and I finished high school with no sense of identity whatsoever. Mom cannot and will not see for herself the damage that was done to me in her methods. Back then I could see that something didn't add up. Now the jerk-off and rip-off have been revealed.

Next session I will touch on narcissistic mothers with my counselor. Mom had been crafty beyond belief all that time but I don't believe that she will want to admit to her evils on her death bed. If only she could see...

In my own bid for self-preservation I became a foul-mouthed rebel demanding that I'd reform my ways ONLY upon her doing things more fairly. It never worked. Instead the chaos and confusion only escalated. I remained staunch and defiant like a one-man army. I remained determined to not be a victim.

I wanted to slide out of town unnoticed and without goodbyes but did not have the resources nor the nerve yet to do it.

Maybe I'll find it in me to forgive her. Reasoning with her is out; she gets too indignant and is too quick and sharp with the spoken word. And yes, I know narcissists neither see what they do nor do they feel remorse.

After she dies (and my eyes will remain dry at the event -I see it coming) it will be interesting to see what kind of relationship will culminate with my adult siblings. If nothing positive can come out, then it is a given that I will close my door on them too.

 

[Escape Goat]

Hi again Muse, the list at williieverbegoodenough scored 28 / 33. Wow! What a breath of fresh air and what a revelation!

And OMG!!! daughtersofnarcissisticmothers has it all out on the table. What was done to me, it's all there. Gaslighting, scapegoating, destroying relationships, etc... and so wildly and outrageously defensive when confronted, yet she was so cruel. Why?

I will get that book with the bird cage on the cover.