General Big Mistake Or Last Ditch Effort?

[Livy's Mom]

Today I told my boyfriend (who left us last week) not to come near me or our 6 month old baby until he makes the decision to go back to therapy.

Was this the wrong thing to do? I feel like I had no other choice but to show him I was serious about him getting help. I don't want my daughter to grow up this way.

Am I making a huge mistake?

 

[PeekieBlue]

Hi Livy's mom, trust your instincts.

And putting a child's welfare first is never a wrong decision. If your partners behaviour is affecting not only your welfare but also the environment of your child then I would say you made the right decision.

It is now down to your partner wether he chooses to get help in order to be able to get back into yours and his child's lives.

I hope he is able to make the right choice. X

 

[amethist]

Hi Livy's Mom

Sometimes as supporters we have to make decisions like this, they are not easy, and we sometimes do regret them.

They cannot always see how bad things are until they hit the bottom, then hopefully they can find their way back up again.

I hope this is how it goes for your boyfriend.

 

[Livy's Mom]

So far this has gone horribly. He has lashed out at me and basically wished death on me. I'm going to assume this is a normal reaction. He thinks I'm doing this because I'm angry. He swears he won't get help no matter what and this is wrong of me to do. I am starting to feel guilty.

 

[safenow]

I am starting to feel guilty.

He is hoping you will, so you will take him back without having to do anything. Don't give in. Stay strong. Remember, this is not just about him, it is about your child as well as you.

(((( Livy's Mom ))), if you will allow me to hug you. Let him think on it for a while. Be sure to pray that his heart will be softened and he will get the help he so desperately needs.

 

[Livy's Mom]

He doesn't want to come back and that's why he believes undoing this for the wrong reasons.

He things I'm angry and hurt for him leaving us so I'm using her as leverage. I am most certainly angry and hurt but I'm questioning myself now.

I know my reason for doing it is pure. I want him to get help. I think I am struggling with the fact that he won't regardless if I keep her away or not. Maybe this is wrong.

I'm not keeping her away for safety I'm keeping her away in the hopes that he will see she is worth getting help for.

Can you see how I may be wrong? Am I wrong? I feel like calling him already and saying I change my mind :(

 

[safenow]

I'm not keeping her away for safety I'm keeping her away in the hopes that he will see she is worth getting help for.

In that case, I do believe it is the wrong way to go. I hope you can tell him that. I believe it is wrong to keep a child away from a parent who loves them. Now if he had been abusing her, or you had a fear that he might, I can understand your doing that.

In my heart, I believe that if you allow him to see her on a regular basis, he will come to that conclusion on his own. Love is much stronger than PTSD. But it can't be forced. He can't be told, "You don't love me enough to change." When we are in an episode of PTSD we don't feel or sense things that normally would be uppermost to us.

But, her love for him, those little looks and hugs, and ... well, you know how children touch your heart. Just that will touch him where PTSD can't block it out. I hope you do call him and allow him to see her.

 

[Livy's Mom]

Thank you for you response. I just felt so desperate to help him.

I want to call. I feel so embarrassed now to have done this. I feel like a fool. I've just made things worse.

Thank you for letting me let these feeling out without judgement.