Relationship Big Shock Tonight

[AdamAnt]

Jawn, Nothing is written in stone just yet ya know, either way, we're here for you.

 

[Jawn]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the comments and encouragement. It's about 9:40 pm and she's not home from talking to her sister yet. So there must be a real heart to heart talk happening and her sister is really the only person she is confiding in or listening to these days. I figured she would be home well before now.

I doubt I will hear anything about tonight's discussion, but I am hoping that her sister can help her understand that she shouldn't be making major decisions right now.

I appreciate the prayers, encouragement, and the friendship of this forum.

Thanks,

Jawn

 

[anni]

Hi Jawn,

I've been reading since you started the thread, just because I was hoping you might be having a little more peace sometime with this. No, I see, although am very impressed with how self aware you've been able to be, which at least helps one keep things in one's head under control.It indeed must be a nightmare for you.

'Maybe's' are almost as tough to allow into your head as what you might fear 'the worst' is, perhaps. Knowing a solid fact at least allows one out of the awful limbo of not knowing your place in her world., you know? You do think the world of her, of course, and care so much, but perhaps need to build up some defenses now so the whole thing isn't so shattering for you. It wouldn't be selfish or self absorbed, just needed to regroup at the moment. Alot easier said then done, I know, so please do not be frustrated if that sounds impossible. You can only do so much for someone else, or influence someone else. Even though this situation is THE only thought there is right now, perhaps try to turn your attention back to you, if you can. Tall order, I know, but you do matter an awful lot.

 

[kclarkesocal]

Jawn,

My wife from time to time has similar feelings -- she thinks that I would be better off without her because of everything that she's going through, and she's not sure that she's really connected/attracted/compatible with me. These issues have only emerged with the PTSD as I think that we have had a strong relationship for more than half of our lives at this point. Of course your specific backgrounds and facts may be different, but it's telling that you're dealing with the same sentiments. I don't know whether in the end my marriage makes it or not, but I've gotten to the point where I've gotten enough emotional detachment that I can survive on a day to day basis with the ambiguity (yes, some days are easier than others). I do strongly believe, that, for us, now is not the time to be making big picture decisions. We have a lot of years of history (and kids) and we're both willing to play this out to see where we end up.

Again, I'm not an expert here, but based on my limited experience, someone who has been diagnosed with PTSD within the last month should really avoid making long-term relationship decisions. One option to de-stress the situation might be to take the intensity of the relationship down -- pull back a little bit and give each other some physical and emotional space; it's possible that with lower intensity she may be able to tolerate her emotions with respect to you better and defer any big decisions.

 

[Jline]

Hi Jawn,

Have you checked out the thread "PTSD Is Curable"? It is in the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder section. Some folks on here, including me, have felt some relief from the anxiety that comes with this disorder. The recommended exercises may help YOU with your anxiety if you are in need. Don't know if I would spring this on your wife at this point but if you are having anxiety it may help. j

 

[Jawn]

Jline, were you referring to the eye patch stuff?

Jawn

 

[Jline]

Yes, just thought it might help if you are having anxiety.

 

[Jawn]

Thanks Jline. I think my name is now Anxiety with a capital A! ;-) I will try the technique and see if it helps.

Jawn

 

[mrbarthel]

I am praying for you. This is what my fears are with my wife and I hope with all my heart that you and your wife can work this out.

 

[kclarkesocal]

As I sit in my bed here alone on Saturday night (my wife sleeps in the guest house) I'm reminded of one thing that it took me a long time to figure out. For most non-PTSD people, you don't change your fundamental view on big picture issues very easily. For example, you don't love your wife one day and decide that you want to leave her the next day. I don't think that it works that way for many PTSD sufferers. I think that emotions are very fluid and changeable. Your PTSD wife can in fact love you one day and be planning a divorce the next day. And that took me a long time to figure out, because it makes no sense to the non-PTSD sufferer. My wife was talking about long-term life planning (in a good way) with me yesterday evening and apparently can't stand to be in the same room with me today. I was warned of highly changeable views like his by her therapist, but it's pretty spectacular to actually see it in action.

 

[Jawn]

Thanks kclarkesocal. I believe I can relate to that very well. I am at work at the moment, but my wife had her follow up session with her T today to discuss our talk last week about divorce. So when I get home tonight I will find out what she wants to do.....pursue the divorce, separate, or stay at home. I have told her I will support her in any way I can which includes letting her go. I do not want to do that, but I may not have a choice.

To those who have said that they are praying for us, thank you very much. I also thank everyone who offered feedback, support, and "wake up" comments. I appreciate all of them.

Time for me to suck it up and go find out what she has decided.

Thanks,

Jawn

 

[kclarkesocal]

Good luck. A number of us appear to be wrestling with very similar circumstances. Make sure that you take care of yourself.