Bittersweet Turned Into So Much Heat

[NotAllWoundsRVisible]

At the end of the day, people say and do things that they regret and unfortunately end up having to live with consequences as a result of their actions. Some a life time and some briefly.

I apologize if either or both of you were offended. I know that a lot of subject covered in this forum are sensitive, as it is for me. But thank you for the rant.

 

[Anjelica]

As a sufferer supporter I am appalled at the remarks of "ill" she sounds like my mother!

From what I read, you had no intentions of hurting your family? You wanted to see your pet which you haven't seen for for 26 days? Why would she say "OK goodluck" on the inquisition to call her after if she didn't want you to call?

Good on you for following up trying to do what's best for your family with all those organizations even incarceration?

You mentioned that after you met it was then you were diagnosed? Then married? Then had a baby? But all along you were getting help with or without a court order? Was this something you decided to do on your own or as a couple?

The picture is a whole lot clearer and less "judgemental" when someone like "ill" starts to rip someone up out here for trying to do what is right... that's my opinion.

If your seeking help wasn't court ordered and even if it was yet you stayed committed to it, koodos to you and shame on your wife for putting you through this, so long as you didn't intentionally hurt her :(

You also mentioned that you got better? Meaning that it was worse before yet your wife stuck with you now you are getting better, she leaves? Or you left her?

After going through what my brother and I did, I read about someone that truly is remarkable and we'll onto the road if not on the freeway to recovery.

Even though I'm in my thirties now, as a woman that was equally raised and raising her brother, we really could have used our father in our life, not just to raise us, but to see us now.

My brother is a public defender now and I'm a veterinarian pathologist. Although successful now having everything we could possibly dream of, my brother and I would give everything up in a heartbeat to be with him now.

Your wife sounds like she has a lot of red flags, sorry to say. Her ex husband has a similar issue as you? She had a "LOT" of prior relationships? Different baby father's? There's already at least 4 red flags if she really wants to go there and start blaming you and playing the big "victim" role.

She sounds like my mom too, focused on "getting her groove on" and prioritizing her social life instead of working towards building and securing that future together. I'm sorry, but as an African - American woman, that is taboo.

Honey, stop being so hard on yourself and allow some NOT all the blame to be distributed.

 

[bell]

@ill has done nothing in this thread except express concern. And, if @ill is like, me, they have probably read other posts by this poster, which @Anjelica you may not have done. Therefore, before you castigate anyone for what they say, please realize that you may not be privy to all of the information at hand.

@NotAllWoundsRVisible, this place is a place to be honest with other people with PTSD, which is what we have done based on what you have told us. At times, painfully honest. Given that your story has involved media and local law enforcement, give your wife and family a break, that is a big deal on many levels on top of what you already subjected them to. Am I saying you are a horrible person? No, just that you need to do the work, respect what your wife says, and fix yourself.

 

[NotAllWoundsRVisible]

Anjelica!

Thank you for your support and understanding. I totally agree with you in regards to Member Ill and her arrogance.
But I do understand people like her, they have their own personal issues, unsuccessful relationships, many many failures in life and just looking to lash out on and feed on the hurt and pain of innocent suffering people..... I know this because I was there, I was almost as arrogant as her and mad at the world too just looking for someone to argue with when it wasn't even any of my business when first diagnosed with PTSD.

However, that was many many many counseling sessions ago, she too will get better. I have faith in her.

I really appreciate the time and effort you put forth in my post. I must say tho, perhaps member Ill was starting to take things a little too far and I reacted by reliving the hurt that I'm feeling and starting making my wife look like a bad person. There is nothing there that I lied or defamed her character about, besides the inference, if taken that way, about her focusing on "getting her groove on".

I have no doubt in my mind that she is now communicating maybe even dating with other men and increasing her social life, but to be honest, maybe because I now don't care anymore or too desensitized, I really don't care anymore?
I do care if she was to get hurt, or more specifically the children by someone she dates, but as for jealousy and control, I really couldn't care less. So long as she is happy :)

Otherwise, besides the fact of the predicament that I put US into and her not rationalizing the situation for whatever reason, I can honestly say that she really is a good mother. She used to be supportive, she used to care, and she used to love me even through the tougher times.... But now she has moved on. I don't blame her either. I just hope for her sake, that the next guy is worth it and makes her happy.

Counseling was a joint consensual decision, no court imposed condition. We started having problems about 2years ago and decided to let's work on this. I started joining trauma groups and PTSD symptom management courses as well as mindfulness classes with her mom lol!!

Anjelica, I read your story.... It made me realize a lot of things, maybe too many things.
My condolences. :( your story is my inspiration, not for my wife, forget her, but for my baby boy and my step daughter too.
I can't begin to imagine how you must feel, or how you felt, but as a father I'm really hurting and have been down many roads of darkness thoughts too :(

I really really miss my little guy, his smile, his laughter, his mischievousness, his hugs, his kisses, even his crying... But I try and focus on making things right without making things worse, for not my sake, or his sake, but OURS sake together.
You are right about the red flags, I thought about and decided what exactly I wanted ..... I accepted and wanted her and her daughter as part of my life and a family together even with the red flags ...

The unfortunate part of the story is, the same precautions were taken between her and I before getting married and having kids..... We decided that we were going to tough it all out together as a family PTSD, and all !!

 

[Nicolette]

Now I understand why both you are on here too!

The picture is a whole lot clearer and less "judgemental" when someone like "ill" starts to rip someone up out here for trying to do what is right... that's my opinion.

I totally agree with you in regards to Member Ill and her arrogance.

I am warning both of you @NotAllWoundsRVisible and @Anjelica - your 'opinions' are bordering on personal attacks and I will not stand for it.

When you start naming someone and single them out for their opinion and make a 'judgement' upon their opinion you are coming very close to attacking. Please be mindful that you respect others or you will find yourself unable to post here.

 

[Anjelica]

Oh or course there is reprimand for any other members involved?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

@Anjelica Can you explain to me what you feel the other members did that was wrong? They did not single someone out and become disrespectful.

You owe ill an apology.

 

[Nicolette]

@Anjelica, like @Ayesha said, others did not single out a person and go after them for their opinion.

The fact that you can't see this by asking the question you did about other members being reprimanded concerns me.

I'm in agreement with Ayesha that you really do owe @ill an apology.