I don’t why this bothers me so much.

[Warrior Sunflower]

My mom got cranky just because I took my brother’s joke seriously. The only reason I took it seriously is because I didn’t know when her birthday was so I asked Really? and she rolled her eyes and said no. And crankily got mad at my brother so my brother pointed it out and said “So cranky, you can’t even make a joke in this house anymore.” I wanted to say something, I wanted to agree with him and stand up for him. It’s literally only my dad is the one allowed to make jokes in my house because according to her, his is actually funny and I don’t take them seriously. She said that she wasn’t cranky, but I just can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. Just because I have autism doesn’t mean I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. Also, FYI; Here’s something about my mom that the rest of my family agrees on, at least the ones in my house. She can’t tell when she switches her tone. And every time I tried to ask about her tone in the past, she would yell at me until she intentionally caused an autistic meltdown and she seemed to enjoy it more when I was crying because THAT calmed her down.

That was just one incident that stuck with me the most throughout my life no matter how many times she apologizes for it. I’ve also more around the present time have shown her a song and I asked her to imagine this one girl as me that proves that I don’t take everything literally but all she’s seemed to take from that was one line that made her think I support witches like what? I was originally going to tell her to ignore that line but would she even listen to me if that’s all she took away from a song I was using to vent? I decided no, probably not because I was using a song because that’s the only way she seemed to actually care about how I feel. The reason I know that’s most likely the only thing she took away from it is because that’s the only thing she said something about.

Both of these including the song have been giving me anxiety from last night to now and it’s still continuing.

 

[Sideways]

Do you have ptsd as well as autism?

 

[Warrior Sunflower]

@Sideways Sometimes I think I might have PTSD due to some things I experience our very similar to some symptoms but it's not confirmed. I think my mom also might have PTSD due to her childhood and the fact she always tries to hide her illnesses from other people even those closest to her. We're getting a DNA test to see how many times I've been misdiagnosed and what other illnesses and disabilities I have that have been yet to be diagnosed but due to my mother being raised by a Narcissist and developing BPD, I think she's probably more likely to have or get PTSD.

 

[Sideways]

It certainly sounds like mental health is complex in your household. Parents with their own mental health struggles make things even more complicated.

Depending on where you are in the world, there may be support groups around for supporters of a loved one with mental health issues. There’s also a variety of supports for people on the spectrum, which may help you with strategies for managing your own symptoms in a household where others are symptomatic as well.

 

[Dee88]

My mom got cranky just because I took my brother’s joke seriously. The only reason I took it seriously is because I didn’t know when her birthday was so I asked Really? and she rolled her eyes and said no. And crankily got mad at my brother so my brother pointed it out and said “So cranky, you can’t even make a joke in this house anymore.” I wanted to say something, I wanted to agree with him and stand up for him. It’s literally only my dad is the one allowed to make jokes in my house because according to her, his is actually funny and I don’t take them seriously. She said that she wasn’t cranky, but I just can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. Just because I have autism doesn’t mean I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. Also, FYI; Here’s something about my mom that the rest of my family agrees on, at least the ones in my house. She can’t tell when she switches her tone. And every time I tried to ask about her tone in the past, she would yell at me until she intentionally caused an autistic meltdown and she seemed to enjoy it more when I was crying because THAT calmed her down.

That was just one incident that stuck with me the most throughout my life no matter how many times she apologizes for it. I’ve also more around the present time have shown her a song and I asked her to imagine this one girl as me that proves that I don’t take everything literally but all she’s seemed to take from that was one line that made her think I support witches like what? I was originally going to tell her to ignore that line but would she even listen to me if that’s all she took away from a song I was using to vent? I decided no, probably not because I was using a song because that’s the only way she seemed to actually care about how I feel. The reason I know that’s most likely the only thing she took away from it is because that’s the only thing she said something about.

Both of these including the song have been giving me anxiety from last night to now and it’s still continuing.

Warrior Sunflower,
I appreciate the strength in the chosen word Warrior, and the light I feel as I imagine a Sunflower reaching to touch the warmth of the sun. I'm sorry if people do not understand your autism. It is a beautiful part of who you are, and it is for others to learn to understand your uniqueness, as you navigate other individuals. We are all unique in fact, no reason to quantify autism. It's about reciprocal healthy communication, but not everyone has the capability and patience to execute effective communication. Micro aggressions toward your autistic perspective are not a valuable tool in relationships. Perhaps you can talk with someone who can help you facilitate a meaningful conversation. Maybe an advocate at school, work, or place of retreat. Your feelings and expressions matter.
Dee88

 

[Friday]

Also, FYI; Here’s something about my mom that the rest of my family agrees on, at least the ones in my house. She can’t tell when she switches her tone.

My mom has had that since her first stroke. SHE thinks she is being deliberately warm, sweet, funny, inclusive… but in reality? She’s screaming rage, sneering disdain, cold & aloof. Or? Is warm, sweet, funny, inclusive. She CANNOT read her own tone. And it’s not her fault. A stroke damaged the part of her brain that regulates awareness of one’s own nuances.

It’s taken most of the people who love her, yeeeeears, to MOSTLY wrap their head around the reality she lives. Where she WANTS to express one thing, and instead inflicts another. It takes med pros about 3 seconds. Oh. Stroke. That explains it. Not only not taking it personally, but will reflect warmth & joy TO the rage/disdain/coldnes presented.

 

[Dee88]

My mom has had that since her first stroke. SHE thinks she is being deliberately warm, sweet, funny, inclusive… but in reality? She’s screaming rage, sneering disdain, cold & aloof. Or? Is warm, sweet, funny, inclusive. She CANNOT read her own tone. And it’s not her fault. A stroke damaged the part of her brain that regulates awareness of one’s own nuances.

It’s taken most of the people who love her, yeeeeears, to MOSTLY wrap their head around the reality she lives. Where she WANTS to express one thing, and instead inflicts another. It takes med pros about 3 seconds. Oh. Stroke. That explains it. Not only not taking it personally, but will reflect warmth & joy TO the rage/disdain/coldnes presented.

You are very understanding of you mom. That is lovely.

 

[Friday]

You are very understanding of you mom. That is lovely.

Only took me… 20 years?

It’s reeeeeeally hard to see parents as… people.