Black Sheep Status Confirmed

[BloomInWinter]

DBT is short for 'Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.'

Here's a thread -
[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/dbt-has-anyone-here-gone-through-this-therapy.11150/#post-320107[/DLMURL]

 

[Powder]

DBT is short for 'Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.'

Here's a thread -
[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/dbt-has-anyone-here-gone-through-this-therapy.11150/#post-320107[/DLMURL]

Thanks so much. I can't wait to check out the link. This is so important to getting healthy, I think; relationships are the medium of love and joy in life. Negative core beliefs and dysfunctional family rules that undermine meaningful relating and communicating/thinking simply have to go. I'm working hard on this, as many of you. I really appreciate your input, and I see so much hope in you, Bloomin! ((((HUGS BLOOMIN))))
Thank you for your love and sharing here on this site. You are such a blessing to us.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Awwww....thanks, (((((Muse))))!

 

[Jezzryn]

I get why you feel, like you do. I'd be hurt too, if I had a sis and she wouldn't tell her bf I even existed. But, it's not definately that she does it because she doesn't love you.

I have a grandmother who loves me, I believe she really does, but... She can't deal with my ptsd at all. She can make me feel less worth than dirt, by her beeing ashamed of me and lying, saying I work there and there and blah... But once I realised she doesn't mean to hurt me, it got easier. It still sometimes stings or makes me mad, but I got to understand, that she doesn't. She doesn't understand ptsd, even though she tries (sometimes). It is just something she can't do. And she truly believes that some of the things that hurt me the most, are things, that would help me.

Maybe talk to your sister, express, that what she did, hurt you and ask her, why she did what she did or didn't do. Sometimes people don't get, that they hirt us until we tell them and talk about it. And maybe she just doesn't know how to tell people about you. It may even be a an awkward way of 'protecting' you: if she doesn't tell them about you people won't think you're crazy or pity you, or something.

I'm not sure I explained what I mean good... but... I treid my best :)

I hope you can clear things with your sis, and it turns out okay.

jezz

 

[sparrow smith]

((((((sol))))))

I feel like that all the time. But it's just me. It's the way the people around me are. Probably it's same with you.

(((((sol)))))) x100

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Oh good god it took me long enough to return to this thread.

The wedding was in May.

Sometimes I want to scream at her to just go away for good. She has the new family she always wanted. The awesome dad who buys her things to make her happy, the ever-doting mom, the cool brother (in law), and even a replacement for me, the thirty-something year old older sister who is blonde, with mental issues (she's bipolar), and for cripes sake, we have almost the same damn name.

Oh, and I didn't speak at the wedding. I got some lame excuse that "all" siblings were un-asked to speak (supposedly the sis-in-law freaked, too).

I told (ok more like screamed at) my parents about how "A" hates me so much that she doesn't acknowledge my existence. Both said some crap about how "A" just doesn't talk about her family to others. I call BS. C'mon, I don't bring up family crap to anyone else beyond the superficial, but to not even say "guess what, I have a sister!" (In eight years time?!?) Puh-LEEZE!

When my bro and sis were in high school, a lot of people didn't know that they had an older sister. It was assumed that it was just the two of them. I am much older (by 7 and 9 years), and by the time my sister hit middle school I was already living 1,500 miles away. So understandable that people just didn't know. Yeah, it was just high school, and in high school everyone hates their family.

But this best friend not knowing I even exist?!?! OH MY GOD.

Part of me wants to throw in the towel and say "fine, you don't want a sister, you don't have a sister". I mean, that's what her actions have said she's wanted. For EIGHT years. But then I think I'm being selfish and feel guilty. But how do you get over your own sister not even telling her best friend that you exist? ARGH.

I just don't think I can do this anymore.

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. And she's indifferent to me.

 

[Whitneys story]

((((((((((SOL)))))))))) Indifference! What a powerful statement. It is her loss and behavior. I know people choose what and how they react to situations. You have chosen a healthy action.

"Rarely do members of a family grow up under the same roof", Richard Bach. You have so many family members here. She is the one missing out! Whitney

 

[Whitneys story]

SOL, I know this is off topic but I recall the first post! What came to mind was "Black Is Beautiful". You are an internally beautiful soul. Beauty is everywhere, some just choose to not see it! Hugs Whitney

 

[Shellbell]

Hi SOL. I understand the whole 'black sheep of the family' thing. My entire family, except for one sister, view me as the black sheep. My father dis-owned me at one point and my parents and another sister have continually viewed me as nothing more than a pain in the butt that is to be tolerated in very small doses.

I moved countries to escape from further threats from an abuser and my family couldn't care less. I only have one sister who misses me.

Big hugs SOL, it hurts to feel that rejection.

 

[Eleanor]

Totally right, the opposite of love is indifference. And you don't have to subject yourself to it if you choose not to.

And in family systems theory the "identified patient" is most often not the one with the most severe problems/disfunction. And here is the thing - YOU are committed to getting BETTER. That is what is important for you. So whatever she does or doesn't do, whatever she feels or doesn't feel toward you, you are going to have a good, honorable and happy life. That is in your control. If you want to reach out to her - fine. If you don't - fine.

You have to work with the family you actually HAVE. As opposed to the one you'd like. Or like to think you have. Or deserve. Or whatever. The one you actually HAVE is the only one you can deal with. Kind of stinks a lot of the time, but there it is.

For the Record: Uninviting is VERY VERY RUDE. I went to Wellesley College (a women's college where good manners are manditory) When the administration jumped at the chance to invite a particular famous but controversial woman to speak at commencement one year, the students rebelled (it is traditionally their prerogative to choose) and insisted on the speaker of their choice. HOWEVER they made clear from the start that we could not un-invite the already invited speaker (despite overwhelming disapproval of her and many of her views) Why? Because that would be unspeakably RUDE. So someone else was invited in addition and everyone had a lovely time. Both speakers gave very nice addresses (the commencement ceremonies were lengthened by 15 minutes so no one would be short changed on time.)

Your sister is a clod. Objectively, and without any doubt. She is likely to remain so. It is very hard to get through to such people. Keep in mind that you are signing up for this in any future interactions. She is what she is.

 

[Philippa]

I did have the first thought, the same as jezzryn, that perhaps she didn't tell her best friend about you not for any other reason than you simply just never came up in conversation. You don't know for sure that she is embarrassed by you. It sounds like you are just concluding that she is because you have PTSD.

I only found out that my friend has two brothers about a year ago, and I've known her for 6 years. It just never came up in conversation, and I never asked. She loves both her brothers very much, although one of them can be quite cruel at times to her.

Just a thought. I am sorry you are feeling so crappy about it though.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

They were friends for four years before I had PTSD. I was normal and functioning for those four years. No, she was NOT trying to protect me during those four years.

Either way, I can sling it back the other way. I can never mention to anyone that I have a sister. She didn't even buy me a Christmas present last year. Stupid b!tch... I bet she doesn't get me anything this year, either, even tho I've given her very nice presents thus far this year and she and her husband are making near $125K. No, I'm not bitter AT ALL.