@Mim28 - Yes, I think I'm getting the gist of what you're saying. You've got recent life events on board that are causing your anxiety to soar. I'm guessing this is tapping into the childhood trauma part of the equation making it doubly vexing to deal with, so of course you go to bed as you are too exhausted to do anything else. Recovery takes a great deal of energy. I read that on here yesterday in another thread. I hadn't given it much thought as I'm a go-go-go person, but really do believe it is true. Also, a therapist suggested that I live life by a 20 point scale when I got to the point where you're at (at least where I'm imagining you're at). What this means is that you get a point for even getting out of bed, one for brushing your teeth, eating breakfast, taking a shower, etc... All the small things we do in terms of self-care each day. For me, I had to see that I was doing things to support myself and had to give myself credit as my self-esteem and "hope" were in the ditch. Anyway, just in case it helps, a tool I often use on difficult days.
Re-routing your thinking is something else I was just reading about this morning on another board. You have to retrain your brain to go another route automatically. What I was reading about concerned a woman who is dealing with eating disordered behaviors. Her brain automatically goes to those behaviors in times of stress and for comfort. As one who is in this boat, it is automatic and I know that I have to retrain my brain to re-route itself to develop another automatic go-to that is healthier. I hope that makes sense. This is a very difficult process and I know it will take a great deal of practice. I hope you are being compassionate with yourself and practicing self-care. I find that being in this mindset of self-care and compassion is very important to my getting any work done to help myself. Maybe give that a try if you are not already doing so.
How is your therapist suggesting that you re-route your thinking to find a healthier way to cope with your anxiety and the what lies beneath? Are you processing any of that right now or just staying with the present stressors? I'm trying to stay in the present and stabilize, currently and trying to keep the trauma in a steel-lined box. Not always successful, but well I'm trying to build myself up right now as I have a lot pressing in on me.
I'm sorry there is no support at home. I always wince when someone makes the following suggestion to someone else on the forum, but is it possible to take someone from your family with you to a session so that the therapist can explain the work you are doing? I only suggest this as you mentioned in your post above that no one in your family understands, so I'm thinking this is important to you.
Please take gentle care of yourself during your current crossroads. VB
