Sexual Assault Body memories?

[RoadtoHappy]

Hi all,

I am looking for some advice or confirmation right now.

Yesterday I made my final police statement for a prolonged assault and rape I suffered years ago from
A random stranger. I go to therapy every week and have gone from 5 or more panic attacks a day to maybe 4 a week. I was diagnosed last year with PTSD and out on meds. I have an amazing therapist and amazing support in my life. I know how blessed I am.

My problem is that last night I felt very distant from my body all day after being with the police who were great. I am going through the motions and being easy on myself but my body right now is hurting. I have strong back and stomach pains. Almost cramps or stronger. I’m not sure if I’m coming down with something or if it’s to do with the release of tension as I have been preparing for today for a long time and the pain is triggering me and bringing me back. I’m so unsure if it’s my mind creating these symptoms or if I’m actually ill.

Has anyone experienced body memories or similar symptoms? I’m so unsure if it’s coincidental or related but it’s painful, real and strong. Today I am also very emotional and feel very on edge. Life those bad memories are just there and I can’t use any of the tools I have learned and have been working great.

Many tanks in advance for your response.

 

[Freida]

Yep - been there! The short explaination for me was that your body holds those memories until it is safe to release them, so you end up feeling what you should have felt during the trauma but couldn't. My go to is book The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van de Kolk. It does a really good job explaining what is happening

 

[RoadtoHappy]

thank you Freida. It’s comforting and yet sorrowful knowing I’m not alone. I just had therapy there and T sat with me whil I just talked through it all again for the millionth time but it was different this time, I felt a relief this time when I got to the end. So very draining and tiring. I have stated to listen to Bessels videos on YouTube. They are very good. Sending you support and comfort from Ireland ??

 

[Missycat]

Yea, been there too and its not nice. I did find it improved as i worked through it and talked through with my t. @Freida offers some good ideas and definately worth a look. I hope you are able to find some peace.

 

[Sweetleaf]

Has anyone experienced body memories or similar symptoms? I’m so unsure if it’s coincidental or related but it’s painful, real and strong. Today I am also very emotional and feel very on edge. Life those bad memories are just there and I can’t use any of the tools I have learned and have been working great.

I know how you feel. You're not alone.

My days with lots of body memories tend to go a lot like that, interestingly enough.

I have body memories of ribs being smashed, how they felt after I was slammed into a metal corner, while healing. I have body memories of semen in my nose/mouth/throat, punched in the nose sensations, pain related to anal rape, ugh I don't wanna list all that shit out. But yeah. It can be really painful, it can feel like real pain, even though there is no injury present.

So it's understandable to be like "shit, is this real pain or is this just body memories?"

It doesn't hurt to get things checked out - it's better to make sure you don't have issues, than to have a real issue go untreated and get worse. If you are able/willing to talk to a doctor about your pain, get examined, etc.