Body Memory? Not Sure

[Deleted member 10686]

I've been doing slightly better recently since starting a new medication, Vyvanse, (ADD med) my thoughts are not constantly in a tornado a million miles a second, and they string together in some logical order, which is nice. But it brings new issues to the front - Theres things I can't push away and ignore anymore. It used to be easier to ignore this unpleasant memory since its so used to being pushed away the second it shows up.

Without getting into details, as I'm not so sure I'm ready to talk about it yet, I had a flashback last night regarding CSA, not memories that were forgotten, but more so pushed far to the back of my head. I have always tried to force myself to shrug it off as unimportant or didn't really happen. but it did. saying that sucks and makes me want to take it back already.

I've been having a problem with bruxism, grinding my teeth, more so since starting this medication, but have been doing it less and less by trying to be really aware and catch myself when i start to clench my jaw/grind my teeth. But I've noticed that after the flashback, or when the memory gets stronger or I think too much about it, my mouth/teeth/gums start to hurt very badly. I'm not sure if I am grinding/clenching at these times and just not aware, but something tells me thats not the cause. The memory (though very fragmented) had something bad to do with my mouth. I'm wondering if it could be some weird kind of body memory... its like severe tooth and gum pain, like my teeth are being pushed down hard into my gums, and its out of nowhere. When I've gotten pain from clenching/grinding its been more of a tense jaw pain. Any thoughts? It seems like a weird type of body memory to have.

 

[angel2write]

Any thoughts? It seems like a weird type of body memory to have.

No, not really if you had a trauma involving your mouth.

I had a persistent taste/body memory for years of a piece of metal being shoved between my teeth to hold my mouth open. It would come on at times of stress or when someone was yelling at me. It drove me crazy- I had no idea what it was from. I finally remembered the whole memory a few months ago. They actually did shove a horse bit in my mouth to hold it open while doing things to me. So it was real.

Re-living the memory in a flash back was pretty awful. But I will have to say, it's much better now. I've really found that if I can follow these little clues, put them together like puzzle pieces, and find out what actually happened, my mind starts healing from it. The body memories become less persistent, or even go away.

Your mind will probably yield up the memory when you are ready to handle it. In the meantime, if you need to, could you bite down on something soft to ease the tension and pain? (That might be a really bad idea- it was just a thought.)

Angel

 

[olaja]

Trust yourself - your body remembers everything.