Boosting non-existent self esteem?

[PreciousChild]

@PreciousChild Both symptoms of the shame. I'm back on social media but I don't share as much. I don't feel like I have much else to say I guess, and my poetry has gotten less euphonious and more like...rough. More anger coming out than the detachment and depression of my other stuff.

I've gotten mixed reviews from my time on social media. I had people who loved it, probably in the majority, and found the "confidence" inspiring, but also people who mocked me and apparently I found out later people who asked my friends if I was okay because of what I posted. Like not really, but they obviously didn't care enough to reach out, and the person who was friends with them seemed ashamed of me, that I was doing it all for attention. Like, I only had maybe a hundred followers, and I didn't get any attention from it, just people sharing their own stories of abuse and sexual violence, and a community of powerful people healing and learning. It hurt me but I'm realizing as I'm typing this her comment was rooted in her own shame of her own behavior. Sorry for the small rant haha

No, that's cool that you're writing about your experience of it. I think it helps overcome shame when you can express your feelings around it. I think it's really good that you could see how your friend might be governed by her own shame which you shouldn't attribute to yourself. The fact that it was a platform for others to share their experiences seems pretty fabulous. One thing I learned from reading "Healing Toxic Shame" is that shame always has its accompanying "pride" identifications that try to cover the shame. Perhaps your needing attention was part of that? That people shared their own stories as a response to your stuff seems pretty darned cool and powerful.