yes I was diagnosed with BPD 20 years ago. I'm symptom free except for the one remaining symptom I have is "frantic efforts to avoid abandonment" However, it's been pointed out that the fact I'm superficial in all my relationships, is a form of this disorder. I really don't care. people can't be trusted. period. I love them. but i don't trust them. I hope people feel the love I have for them, but I will not trust them to either criticize or reject. I will love, but I won't trust. i have a relationship now that is terrifying because I started to trust them. when I say terrifying.... I mean terrifying. it sucks.
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BPD Borderline personality disorder
- Post starter trying2movefwd
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purpleswirled
Silver Member
yes i have th etrust thing too. very very badly. i keep pushing my friends away from me. it hurts.
the trust thing...and often worrying if my friends judge me etc or want to dump me but are too polite to say so
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also, yes I had an outrageous violent childhood and mutlitple traumas as a teen and adult up to age 33. that's when I started to heal.
ok, whoops, me again.... no I don't have "one" remaining symptom. I don't know if I'm just a liar or what. no there's two symptoms I still have: the second is The suicidal thing... yeah, that's a problem.... and I am sooooooo sick of it! so sick of it. Yet, it serves a purpose and coping mechanism for now until I will be healed eventually. I know I will be healed. For now though, it helps me sleep some. It helps me through the day knowing there is always an "out" if it gets too bad. So far---" I'm still alive, Muthaf-kers!"
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I think it helps to remember that BPD/CPTSD can only be diagnosed by a psychiatrist or a fully trained psychologist (Doctor). It cannot be diagnosed based on something you read online and not even a therapist or GP can diagnose those things - depression and anxiety, yes, because they are really common and if everyone who had them needed to go to the CMHT to get a diagnosis, the waiting list would be massive. You can identify strongly with a description but you do not necessarily have it. Why do you think doctors are not allowed to diagnose themselves or close friends/family? Their perspectives on themselves are nearly always warped or biased.
This means that LOADS OF PEOPLE have BPD traits. But what makes BPD, diagnosed BPD is having 5 of the 9 criteria. LOADS of people have a chronic fear of abandonment. Doesn't mean they have BPD. LOADS of people have Suicidal Ideation or Identity issues... they could have DID or MDD, might not actually be BPD. PTSD incorporates a lot of BPD stuff, that's why the 2 disorders are often co-morbidities. BPD and Biploar also have a lot in common (mood swings anyone?!) but just because you have mood swings and abandonment issues doesn't mean you have BPD or Bipolar or both or none. It just means that you need help.
I also think it helps to remember that with BPD you need 5 out of the 9 diagnostic criteria. It doesn't have to be a specific 5 (though some are more common than others) which means there are over 200 possible "types" of Borderline. So stereotyping yourself or any other Borderline (I hate that expression - I'm not a dog - but I'm too lazy to keep referring to myself as "someone who suffers from BPD") is really unhelpful.
I was diagnosed in 2009 with BPD. Back then there was no help available for me. So the psychiatrist didn't put it on my medical record. He felt there was no point giving me a label which carried such stigma if there was no way to access anyone who could help me deal with that stigma. I will be forever grateful for that because it allowed me to live in denial till I was in a financial position to be able to afford a private therapist. Everything about my BPD was so far into my unconscious, I behaved, acted and felt totally normal. Till something would trigger it. Now in therapy I am seeing how "black and white" my thinking really is, how disjointed and fragmented my identity is thanks to huge and problematic dissociation (bordering on DID except I don't have the amnesic traits which accompany the switches between my various 'parts' and I see all the parts that form identities as me at different stages of my development, rather than a variety of unrelated alters). I can hold 2 completely opposing beliefs about myself or others and have actually fallen in love with someone who sexually abused me for months. I'm beginning to see that certain things about my behaviour is very BPD even though I didn't know why I was behaving that way.
A week tomorrow I have an appointment with the local CMHT to go back and get the diagnosis properly confirmed and put on my medical records. Nobody believes me, I'm not quite sure why they would think that anyone would want/create a label which isolates and causes the very abandonment I fear. It's ironic that we are seen as attention seekers, yet when we get this diagnosis, we actually get LESS attention. I've actually suffered a sexual assault by multiple men as a result of the BPD diagnosis "don't worry, nobody will believe her". I play it close to my chest yet even when I THINK it's safe to disclose, it isn't. Very few people now know. My husband does, my therapist does and my immediate family. Not my in-laws or friends. I'd do anything not to have it yet another part of me knows I will not be able to access the help I need when I need it without the diagnosis.
Good luck with it guys. Just remember....
WE ARE NOT OUR LABELS. WE ARE MORE.
This means that LOADS OF PEOPLE have BPD traits. But what makes BPD, diagnosed BPD is having 5 of the 9 criteria. LOADS of people have a chronic fear of abandonment. Doesn't mean they have BPD. LOADS of people have Suicidal Ideation or Identity issues... they could have DID or MDD, might not actually be BPD. PTSD incorporates a lot of BPD stuff, that's why the 2 disorders are often co-morbidities. BPD and Biploar also have a lot in common (mood swings anyone?!) but just because you have mood swings and abandonment issues doesn't mean you have BPD or Bipolar or both or none. It just means that you need help.
I also think it helps to remember that with BPD you need 5 out of the 9 diagnostic criteria. It doesn't have to be a specific 5 (though some are more common than others) which means there are over 200 possible "types" of Borderline. So stereotyping yourself or any other Borderline (I hate that expression - I'm not a dog - but I'm too lazy to keep referring to myself as "someone who suffers from BPD") is really unhelpful.
I was diagnosed in 2009 with BPD. Back then there was no help available for me. So the psychiatrist didn't put it on my medical record. He felt there was no point giving me a label which carried such stigma if there was no way to access anyone who could help me deal with that stigma. I will be forever grateful for that because it allowed me to live in denial till I was in a financial position to be able to afford a private therapist. Everything about my BPD was so far into my unconscious, I behaved, acted and felt totally normal. Till something would trigger it. Now in therapy I am seeing how "black and white" my thinking really is, how disjointed and fragmented my identity is thanks to huge and problematic dissociation (bordering on DID except I don't have the amnesic traits which accompany the switches between my various 'parts' and I see all the parts that form identities as me at different stages of my development, rather than a variety of unrelated alters). I can hold 2 completely opposing beliefs about myself or others and have actually fallen in love with someone who sexually abused me for months. I'm beginning to see that certain things about my behaviour is very BPD even though I didn't know why I was behaving that way.
A week tomorrow I have an appointment with the local CMHT to go back and get the diagnosis properly confirmed and put on my medical records. Nobody believes me, I'm not quite sure why they would think that anyone would want/create a label which isolates and causes the very abandonment I fear. It's ironic that we are seen as attention seekers, yet when we get this diagnosis, we actually get LESS attention. I've actually suffered a sexual assault by multiple men as a result of the BPD diagnosis "don't worry, nobody will believe her". I play it close to my chest yet even when I THINK it's safe to disclose, it isn't. Very few people now know. My husband does, my therapist does and my immediate family. Not my in-laws or friends. I'd do anything not to have it yet another part of me knows I will not be able to access the help I need when I need it without the diagnosis.
Good luck with it guys. Just remember....
WE ARE NOT OUR LABELS. WE ARE MORE.
- Post starter
- #17
trying2movefwd
Diamond Member
I had two psychiatrist diagnose me. I agree I am not my diagnosis though.
Neverthesame
Diamond Member
I just wanted to pipe in and say, I for one have learned a lot about BPD from the people on this site.
I didn't realise that what I "knew" about the disorder, was in fact mostly just the stigma. For all the people I have seen posting here, only a few (as in literally like 3) fit the disorder as I "knew" it.
I am thankful to have had the opportunity to see the real people who struggle with this, be able to talk about it in a place that is not wholly hostile and closed minded. Otherwise, I know I would never have learned to see the people behind the disorder, or how hard I see many working to improve themselves from it.
Thank you all for opening my eyes. Also, sorry for the off topic post.
I didn't realise that what I "knew" about the disorder, was in fact mostly just the stigma. For all the people I have seen posting here, only a few (as in literally like 3) fit the disorder as I "knew" it.
I am thankful to have had the opportunity to see the real people who struggle with this, be able to talk about it in a place that is not wholly hostile and closed minded. Otherwise, I know I would never have learned to see the people behind the disorder, or how hard I see many working to improve themselves from it.
Thank you all for opening my eyes. Also, sorry for the off topic post.
I don't think it's off topic - I needed to hear that!
Thanks Neverthesame. Is it safe to assume you don't have BPD and you're just commenting to be supportive and helpful (that was the feeling I got from your post)? If so, thank you, that's really lovely.
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