Boxing?

[toile]

Oh, It's been almost a year since I joined! I'm a bad bad member. :D

I'm 9 years out from my trauma and doing pretty darned well. Still depression/anxiety, but no panic attacks for almost a year now. But here's my issue. My daughter (14 yrs old) is bi-polar and when she is in a tantrum she becomes aggressive. Not physically really, but she gets in my space/face, screams, etc. I try to keep my cool and succeed most of the time ... but I'm scared of her. I'm scared of the aggression, it makes me feel small and weak and terrified. I try to hide it from her, but a tantrum episode of hers will leave me depressed and anxious for days.
We've had two episodes in the last two weeks and I'm a bit of a mess. Tension headaches, depression and muscle spasms in my back and neck. I'm taking my meds as prescribed and have a wonderful support system, so I march on. But my husband suggested that I start some mild boxing as a way to face aggression in a safe manner. I have never hit anyone, I have only been physically attacked once, nine years ago. I don't deal with conflict or aggression well, and his theory makes sense.

Here's my question, he has volunteered to do this with me and that makes me nervous? Has anyone done this kind of activity to face aggression issues? Is it an issue to do it with my husband? Should I pick a third party, a professional?

I'm just rambling really, trying to find a foothold.

 

[Casey_03]

When you say he volunteered to do it with you, do you mean he offered to teach you boxing? Or to take a class with you? I would suggest you do it on your own; his presence might either hold you back or just make you uncomfortable. But I think it's a great idea. It doesn't mean you have to want to be aggressive, not at all. It will simply provide an outlet and let you relieve stress. I think it will do wonders for your anxiety. The happiest, best days of my life were when I trained in boxing -- it was like a cure for all my depression and anxiety. And it made me function better in almost every area of my life. In your case, I don't think it will help in "facing aggression", especially if you mean your daughter's aggression, cause the last thing you'd want to do is punch her during one of her fits ... but it will definitely help you feel more confident and able to handle her fits. They probably won't scare you as much. Best idea is to find any self-defense gym and see what they offer, then go from there and pick whatever suits you best. I think any form of self-defense or martial art would be perfect, not just boxing.

 

[Friday]

But my husband suggested that I start some mild boxing as a way to face aggression in a safe manner.

I think it sounds like a fantastic idea.

Wild, uncontrolled aggression? Is dangerous. More dangerous than just about anything. About the worst advice I've ever come across is people telling untrained people to start hitting pillows and similar nonsense. No. Absolutely no. Training someone to lash out blindly hitting things when angry is f*cking insane.

Martial arts, boxing, and similar? Is the exact opposite of uncontrolled. It's all about control. The self confidence doesn't come from knowing you can beat the hell out of someone, much less actually lashing out. Lashing out is anger & fear. You don't need anger and fear when you're trained, because you've developed a skillset that makes both unnecessary. The self confidence comes from discipline, control, practice, and choices. It means that I can not only stand there and be completely unphased while someone else freaks out, but that I do not have to resort to fear or violence in order to cope with their violence. Yes, they're spinning out, and no I don't care. Because I know I can handle myself. They may be out of control, but I'm not. It's not scary.

Whether it works best training with your husband, or training separately, or some combo of both? Very much depends on the dynamics of your relationship. But whichever way you do it? Do it.

One last thing... If you don't like boxing? Try something else. The different flavors of martial arts appeal to different kinds of people. I'm a huge fan of Aikido & KravMaga & a Reach Out And Break Someone style of Karate, which is something of a blend of Aikido & Krav Maga.... But that's just my personal preference. I like being smoke. Impossible to keep ahold of & striking quickly. Other people prefer grappling like BrazilianJujutsu or Judo, or very frontal assaults, like boxing or TaeKwanDo. ALL of them? Teach control & discipline. They teach you how to fall, and how to take a hit without getting hurt. If even the idea of being hit scares you? Imagine being hit without pain. Imagine falling being fun. Imagine the fear gone. That's what good training does.

 

[Powder]

I agree with FridayJones, go for it. Enjoy it and strengthen yourself in all ways.

As for your daughter, is she getting biweekly therapy for her Bipolar?

Seems like a 2 pronged approach, strengthen you, step up and improve all around her therapy and training in behavior and outlook, is called for here.

Sounds like your husband has some good ideas and supports you. That's good.

I'm hearing (or reading into it) that your daughter's threats and getting in your face is triggering. Is that correct?

 

[DucatiGirl]

I just started kickboxing this year, and will be moving in to start Brazilian jiu jitsu in a month or so. I highly recommend finding a class or a professional, as you can really hurt yourself with both boxing and kickboxing..

I tip-toed into kickboxing, as I was nervous about how I would react in a large class, by taking a series of private lessons. This built trust with the instructor, which really helped as I transitioned into the classes. The instructor even helped with a plan to start at the smaller classes and work my way up to larger ones, which has helped my social anxiety tremendously. The MMA gym where I take classes is extremely collaborative and very welcoming, so do your research and try out several places to make sure you're going to have the right vibe. There are some gyms out there where it's like going to boot camp, which I don't think is terribly helpful at all.

Regardless of what you decide, good luck with your boxing and with your daughter. I hope for the very best for you!