Boyfriend Doesn't Get It

[haltija]

I have been handling PTSD really well, I think. Last night we watched a movie with a scene that got to me. I had a brutal rape dream that got to me. (After being triggered.)

I snapped because I needed to be left alone to think without being bombarded in the morning.

He says he won't comfort me because I'm "fantasizing about my ex" and refuses to "pity me." I feel really sad today.

 

[rdoearth]

Anger can be and often is one response by people when they are confronted with such things they do not understand. It only hurts more when it is someone close to us. I am sorry he responded that way.

But, on the other hand, if he is not concerned enough about your feeling enough to ask questions, than I say let him go. Just my opinion.

 

[WildMermaid]

@haltija You don't know me and all, but I just have to comment...I'm sorry to be blunt but I would tell him to F*ck off! PTSD is hard enough without bullsh*t like that. You deserve a compassionate lover not and ego-centric @ss. Asking for space after being hardcore triggered is normal, and if he cared he should have asked if you were okay at the very least. Sorry you're sad, that's very understandable. You really do deserve better.

 

[rdoearth]

I'm glad WildMermaid chimed in to say that, I was concerned I might get negative feedback saying "let him go". Actually, I wanted to say "good ridance". He sounds like an ass.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Wow, "fantasizing" about your ex? You had a nightmare! I know this is difficult to see because he's your boyfriend, believe me I know, but he is acting like an asshole. Anyone with at least a little bit of decency would not treat you like that. You were not asking for pity, you just needed to be comforted because you were triggered and had a nightmare. That's the least a boyfriend can do for his girlfriend.

I think he should apologise. If he doesn't and will not change, he will not make you happy. And you deserve much better.

:hug:s if you accept them.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

What a douchebag. Tell him to get out. You don't need abusive support.

 

[GWhizz]

Does he know the full context of your ptsd? If he does then he is being undermining and emotionally abusive. How can he be that selfish as to become jealous of your need to take the time to recover from an intense re-experiencing? Also, does he realise that exposure to triggering materials is not helpful?

Either he has a lot to learn about you and your ptsd, or he already knows you that well and is just an asshat who needs to be shown the door.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Sometimes support comes from places other than we might wish. Among the board is a good place to vent, ask questions and have folks rally for you. I do understand how wonderful it might be to have a supportive mate and I am sad that he responded in that manner.:wtf: However, many of us will listen here or in the trauma diary if you wanted to share.

Him being himself:poop: is not as important as you healing...in my humble opinion. Do you want to share about the nightmare?:hug: Do you feel ready at this time?:hug::hug:

 

[Neverthesame]

I see you have already gotten lots of good practical advice/support. I was wondering if you would like a different kind of "practical" advice?

For example:
- You can put tobasco sauce in his toothpaste.
- Add a liberal amount of fabric starch to his undies.
- Switch his coffee with decaf.
- Buy a bag of oreo's scrape out the filling of a few of them, replace with toothpaste.
- Pour bubble bath liquid into the toilet tank.
If you want to be really mean you can also mix nair into his shampoo bottle (though be ready for some serious fallout with that one).

I hope he figures out what a boneheaded thing that was to say.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Or just withhold sex. I'd even go so far as to masturbate in front of him and tell him you're thinking of your ex. Lmao.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

@Neverthesame LOL! That made me giggle, thanks. Have you seen the movie " The other woman"? They do very similar stuff in that one. Really funny.

But seriously, @haltija , pranking him is really only going to make things worse. If you want to solve this, talk to him. He has no right to treat you like this and he needs to understand that you need to support each other if you want your relationship to work. If he cannot see that, it's probably best to break up.

 

[Neverthesame]

@Snowwhite No, I haven't seen that movie yet. I'll have to check it out.

You are also quite correct. Proper grownup communication would be the best course of action here. Revenge is just fun to think about. hee hee.