Supporter Boyfriend Has Combat Ptsd. Please Help.

[stacymarie88]

Hello.

I don't know where to start. My ex/ current boyfriend don't really know what to call him, (he has PTSD from being a sniper in Iraq) but we dated for 3 years. After a year and a half in, I caught him snorting pills. Well finally after many tries of getting him off that and watching him detox he stopped. That was one hell of a ride.

I am a person that cares and just tries helping. I love this guy soo much. Well back in June he decided he needed to move to the keys to find his passion for living. With his best friend that he was also in war with, that suffers from ptsd as well. Well I was fine with him living because I care so much about him.

Well I went to visit. It was the hardest thing. Because I truly love him, I didn't know if he would come back. I tried moving on, but we still talked daily. He finally realized he had ptsd when he was gone. Now he is back and I don't know what to do. He is so depressed and nothing makes him happy.

I'm trying to be there for him and not hurt him, it's killing me. I don't know what to do. Because I want a future with marriage and kids and he doesn't even have a passion for life. But wants me by his side. I can't just leave him like this. I love him but I don't know what to do. I'm currently in therapy because I'm so depressed just trying to help him.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi,
Is he in therapy?

 

[jmm214407]

He needs to be in therapy! You both need to be in therapy. Hes nevet going to get better if he doesn't get help. Its likr the opposite of wine. Wine gets better after time. PTSD gets worse. Trust me I know. I've lost everything cause of this PTSD! I'm getting much better and the help from my therapist and group classes and even this! This forum is incredible! Getting help from people who have suffered and giving help.

As it goes both ways on here you'd be surprised how much this will do for you. There's always someone here to talk to and that's what makes those severe down and lonely times that get so hard, not so hard. If you love him and he loves then you both need to see a PTSD/couples therapist at the VA. I'm going into my appointment in the just a few minutes. so stay strong. I wish my fiance stayed by my side when I needed her...

 

[stacymarie88]

@ jmm214407- So glad its helping you out. Very glad to hear.

Thank you so much. He is starting therapy in a week. He went to one appointment and was discouraged because the lady just wanted him on meds. I'm in therapy and my therapist keeps telling me I need to let go. I can't. I feel like I need to save him even though I can't.

I used to be such a happy person. Now I'm depressed and always sad. I feel so selfish even feeling like that because he has gone through way worse. My therapist told me I can't help him only he can help himself and I'm going to kill myself if I don't try and let go.

I'm so lost. I love him but I can't keep being unhappy. I don't want to let him go and then have him get way worse. I care about him so much. He said I was the only person there for him. =(

 

[jmm214407]

I feel so selfish

Your not being selfish. It's in our human nature to defend ourselves when we have been hurt. I oray that's the reason my fiance is not here. I'm hoping she still loves me and just wants to see me get better for me so maybe one day we can work on things and rebuilding.

 

[jmm214407]

I don't want to let him go and then have him get way worse. I care about him so much... he said I was the only person there for him. =(

You don't necessarily have to be there with him physically but let him know that he needs to do it alone but that you still are there. And a text a day can seriously help the pain go away. I wish that I can just get one text that said good night or morning. That would give me more strength to continue to be strong and battle through it.

Nobody is perfect we make mistakes but its the ones who seek help and actually try to be better that are the ones worth taking a chance on. But after time will tell so many things. If he keeps it up great. If not well... then its time to let go. Stay strong cause he probably does love you. Just case we love someone doesn't mean we won't mess up. If that were the case there'd be no such thing as PTSD or players. The world would be perfect and its not at all.

 

[stacymarie88]

Thank you for listening.. It's not fair all the pain you guys are going through with PTSD. I told him I will always be there for him even if we aren't dating. I feel so selfish for not just sticking it through. I am emotionally drained. I constantly just try and do things that will make him happy. The minute I'm away from him he sends me texts that say I'm lonely.

Last night I got one that said I'm suicidal. It broke my heart. I rushed over there this morning to make sure he was okay. I made him promise me he would never hurt himself because he would be affecting the loved ones around him and that he is an amazing guy. He deserves a great life. I try and send him texts like that all the time.

I just feel alone in this. I'm seeking therapy and she told me in order for him to get better I need to stop being a mother to him and let go, it breaks my heart. I don't know what to do because I don't want him spiralling into a worse pattern. He got wasted the other night and kicked out of the bar, he never called or texted me.

I found out the next day from a friend that he even drove him. I can't handle all the worrying. I feel like I constantly have to be at my phone or with him so he's okay. When I'm not I get those texts. Just 3 months ago he realized he had PTSD.

I am glad he is seeking help, but he is discouraged because of the doctor. Any other suggestions for him? I'm scared to leave him. I love him truly but I don't love how its been. I'm constantly stressed. I feel so selfish. I've known of his PTSD from the beginning but it finally got bad after he got off the drugs..

 

[stacymarie88]

And if you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here.You are doing a wonderful thing getting help and sticking with it.
I really want to try and understand this terrible PTSD.. I wish I could just take that away from all the brave soldiers. Its soo sad!

 

[jmm214407]

Trust me I wish I could take it all away too. Suggestions... Well for starters get him on this website to talk to people who can relate to how hr feels. He needs to really stop doing things that are going to make him feel worse. And if he does want to drink he needs to do so where he won't have to drive nor get in trouble like home!

You can't baby him tho. Thats not the answer. Yeah let him know your there for him that's GREAT!!! I wish my fiance was here for me. I'm alone in this. But I'm still pushing myself cause indo want to be a better man. I don't want to be known as some asshole douche bag. I have to much pride for that. And the second reason and motivation is her and her kids. I love them all like no other.

But getting back to your situation, stop babying him. He needs to learn strength first so that he doesn't think he NEEDS someone there for him. All he needs to think is getting better so that he can carry you not the other way around. I sincerely feel for you both I was once in his place and now I'm still suffering cause I hurt the woman I love due to this stupid disease.

 

[stacymarie88]

Thank you. Hopefully your Fiance comes around and notices how much you are trying to help yourself so that you can be a better man for yourself and her.. You should try talking to her about it and having her read some articles.. I did a lot of research the min. I started seeing everything..

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

There is an entire section for Supporters that I hope you find helpful.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum.