General Does this sound like PTSD, please help

[Justmehere]

She would rather end the relationship than receive help. I therefore moved out as sadly alot of her behaviour was abuse and i was unable take it any more. We have no contact now it seems.

Ah, that stinks. You did a healthy thing, both by requesting she get help and moving out. It’s too bad she’s made the choices she has made.

I hope that the meeting with the solicitor goes well, and as you get space, you can begin to recover yourself from the toxicity of the relationship.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

does this sound like ptsd

Yoi said she was disgnosed with PTSD 4 yrs ago. Is she still disgnosed with it?

Yoi're asking whether this or that could be a PTSD symptom when this or that can be a whole host of things, diagnosis wise.

I have a question. Lets say that we all said that those things you listed sounded like PTSD, what would that change? It wouldn't really help you deal with said symptom better. It wodn't stop said symptoms. And it wouldn't help said synptom cause less trouble in your lives. It would only lable or name said symptoms. That's it.

However, if you were to simply ask how to handle certian symptons better. Maybe things yoi can do or stop doing that could help that symptom, that, I think would be way more useful and helpful then just asking if this or that is PTSD.

Just my take on it

Now, if she refuses to see a therapist, that's a issue no matter the disnsosis as that's uamaged symptoms. Then, you need to decide if you can live with unmanaged symptoms that likely will get worse. Way worse. But, at the moment, to me, it sounds like you are trying to play therapist for her and that never worrks and if anything, makes things worse.

 

[Justmehere]

I don’t think @ruskin is trying to play therapist based on what’s posted here. I think it’s quite common after the end of a relationship, especially a marriage, to try to evaluate what went wrong. I have had people in my life struggle with various mental health conditions other than PTSD and wondered if things they did were part of that condition or not. Example: I have a friend who is extremely rigid. They also have a certain condition that can impact mental health. I wondered if that ridgity was part of the condition. It is. It helps me to know that’s part of the condition because it gives me compassion and tools to use to relate better with my friend. I still relate to them as a whole person, and most of the time, I don’t even think of the condition. But it’s silly to suggest that naming symptoms as symptoms can’t help supporters navigate the world of PTSD and the wreckage that it can do in relationships. @ruskin has done a fine job acknowledging that it’s uo to his soon to be ex wife and any doctor she might see to sort out. Also, just because a behavior is a symptom, it doesn’t absolve the sufferer from responsibility for their behavior, or give them immunity from being a genuine jerk.

I know the pain of being overly pathologized and turned into an unwanted diagnostic/treatment project by a well meaning supporter that was playing therapist. What @SamRuck is talking about to suggest she for sure has DID and to apply attachment therapy techniques to an ex wife for which there is no contact - because of having different feelings at different times - that is over pathologizing the situation. That’s going way too far. People don’t need to have DID to have emotions regulation problems and feel different intense emotions at different times.

But, I think sufferers need to be mindful when responding to supporters to remember that navigating PTSD is not easy. It’s challenging and there’s a lot to learn. I can take a little bit of time to find a balance between learning about the condition and not turning somebody into a project. When going through the end of a marriage and trying to figure out what went wrong and what to do now, a little compassion for struggling to find that balance is warranted.

 

[SamRuck]

I know the pain of being overly pathologized and turned into an unwanted diagnostic/treatment project by a well meaning supporter that was playing therapist. What @SamRuck is talking about to suggest she for sure has DID and to apply attachment therapy techniques to an ex wife for which there is no contact - because of having different feelings at different times - that is over pathologizing the situation. That’s going way too far. People don’t need to have DID to have emotions regulation problems and feel different intense emotions at different times.
.

Thank you for trying to bring the volume back down a little. I guess I wasn't really focusing on the fact that this is his 'ex'. I was focusing on his question of whether it could be ptsd or not. I'm sorry that you feel I'm 'over pathologizing' things, and apologize if that's how it came off. That's truly not my intent, though the op's therapist said my intuition was a good possibility.

I've been in this for 10 years with my wife, and even though I do NOT see d.i.d. everywhere, I have learned to see the signs of trauma and dissociation in the people I know and try to use that understanding to be more understanding of them, NOT diagnose them or turn them into some kind of project. Trauma and dissociation manifest on a sliding scale of the dissociative disorders. Everyone with d.i.d. has ptsd by definition, but the converse is NOT true. I will try to remember that my understanding of d.i.d is not common knowledge on this board since it only deals with ptsd.

 

[Justme5721]

Im

Dear Friends
I’m posting on here as I am concerned for my wife. Now she had a ptsd diagnosis nearly 4 years ago and received some CBT for around 7 months, perhaps around once a week, but not all weeks.

A very brief history of my wife would be she was sadly sexually abused under the age of 7 and endured mental and physical abuse to a degree all her life up to the age of 24 approx when she left her family home.

We have been married 9 years and it has been a volatile marriage to say the least.

Now I guess my question here is, could there be more here than PTSD (or Cptsd?) I have my suspicions but understandably I cannot know for sure and my wife refuses to see a doctor, she would rather break up with me than see a doctor, and in fact that is what has happened.

I’ll list some typical behaviours below and if someone was able to pass comment like yes this sounds like ptsd or cptsd or if you think there may be more at play, please feel free to pass comment, help me understand.

History of unstable romantic relationships (all of them – just 2 inc me)
Unstable family relationships – mother sisters – generally anyone close
Unstable friendships – hard to make friends
Unstable work history
Black and white thinking – nothing in between
Has at times had suicidal thoughts and heard voices
As young adult tried to make mother happy by overeating as mother perceived her to be too thin
Family history of mental illness poss undiagnosed bipolar mother, and diagnosed bipolar sister

Would do hunger strikes in protest of mother and husband (after disagreements)
Use of silent treatment for up to months with husband and been told years with mother
Generally gruff demeanor, not able really say hello goodbye please thank you or sorry
Extreme mood swings
Rages and long lasting anger
Paranoid thinking
Disassociates
Terrible jealousy over husbands mother and sister – they went from being all good to all bad
Tries to separate me from family and friends
Uses Blackmail to manipulate
Has a list of easily identifiable triggers, yet is unaware fully of them
Has at times exhibited signs of potentially psychosis
Verbally abusive and manipulative
Physically violent, throws things in rage
Stubborn
Inflexibility in decision making
A range of ocd behaviours
Strong dislike of being alone or quiet places
Appears to mirror – throws back things at me which I may have said to her
Could be 3 distingusihable personalities (im not sure on this however)
Some destructive behaviours but luckily no cutting or worse)
Sends abusive texts
Continual blaming – never responsible for self
Unable to express love, except in very rare circumstances
Unable to have sex

Now there is quite a lot there and that is not all but what I could remember easily of the top of my head.

So again, the question was could this all be explained by ptsd or could there be more at play. My wife is not in treatment at the moment but the bulk of these behaviours are current

Any views would be helpful
Thank you kindly
Ruskin

I'm sorry you're going through this. She sounds alot like my husband without the physical abuse. He too has been diagnosed with PTSD but refuses treatment and displays other mental issues but without proper treatment he cannot get diagnosed. It has been 5 months since my husband abandoned me without a word and filed for divorce in another state. I went through all the questioning of what happened, what did I do wrong, why didn't I see it...but in the end I learned from the wonderful people here and my psychiatrist (because yes I went into a severe depression and anxiety), you have to focus on you. No matter how much you love her, you can't fix her or make her get help. It's a hard lesson when it's someone you love so deeply and thought this would be the person you grow old with but it's a good lesson. I still hurt and still cry but not 24/7. I have good days and still not to a point where I dont think about him at least once a day but that will come in time. If you are not in therapy I urge you to do so...it helps. Talking with the amazing people here helps too. I couldn't have made it this far without the support on this site.

I wish you luck and hugs if you will accept them.

 

[Friday]

Everyone with d.i.d. has ptsd by definition

That’s incorrect.

These are the 5 diagnostic criteria in the DSM5, and nowhere is a PTSD diagnosis listed.

There is also only 1 possible shared symptom facet (not even an entire symptom, but a small piece of 1 symptom). These are two very different disorders. Most disorders share a lot more symptoms between them.

A. Disruption of identity characterized by two or more distinct personality states, which may be described in some cultures as an experience of possession. The disruption in identity involves marked discontinuity in sense of self and sense of agency, accompanied by related alterations in affect, behavior, consciousness, memory, perception, cognition, and/or sensory-motor functioning. These signs and symptoms may be observed by others or reported by the individual.

B. Recurrent gaps in the recall of everyday events, important personal information, and/or traumatic events that are inconsistent with ordinary forgetting.

C. The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

D. The disturbance is not a normal part of a broadly accepted cultural or religious practice. Note: In children, the symptoms are not better explained by imaginary playmates or other fantasy play.

E. The symptoms are not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance (eg, blackouts or chaotic behavior during alcohol intoxication or other medical condition, eg, complex partial seizures)

Psychiatry Online
(DID) DSM-5 300.14 (F44.81)

Not everyone who experiences trauma goes on to develop PTSD / PTSD is just one of many disorders resulting from trauma. Trauma & Stressor Disorders, Dissociative Disorders, Personality disorders, etc.

The effects of trauma are varied and complex.

You can put 10 people through the exact same trauma, and come out with 10 very different results. PTSD only one of dozens.

 

[SamRuck]

That’s incorrect.

These are the 5 diagnostic criteria in the DSM5, and nowhere is a PTSD diagnosis listed.

Are you really going to debate my knowledge of d.i.d. against yours? ISSTD is arguably the foremost authority on d.i.d. AT THE VERY BEGINNING of their guidelines they state:

Instead of showing visibly distinct alternate identities, the typical DID patient presents a polysymptomatic mixture of dissociative and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms that are embedded in a matrix of ostensibly nontrauma-related symptoms (e.g., depression, panic attacks, substance abuse, somatoform symptoms, eating-disordered symptoms).
Link Removed

 

[SamRuck]

oops double post

 

[Justmehere]

Again, hammer, nail.

ISSTD is arguably the foremost authority on d.i.d.

ISSTD does not set the criteria for diagnosis. The ISSTD also has a complicated history. Not everyone accepts or agrees with them as they have been very wrong in the past. The founder / former president lost his license for a time. Not everyone sees them as the “foremost authority” on DID either. They are one source for information on a limited number of mental health conditions.

That all being said, even the ISSTD has articles warning clinicians being wary of misdiagnosing DID when the symptoms that look like DID are actually bipolar disorder, personality disorders, malingering, etc. This includes many conditions other than trauma based disorders.

AT THE VERY BEGINNING of their guidelines

Guidelines. Not diagnostic criteria. Two different things.

the typical DID patient

Very different than stating every single DID patient.

presents a polysymptomatic mixture of dissociative and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms

One can have some symptoms of a condition without the condition itself. “Mixture of symptoms” is very different than stating all people with DID also have PTSD.

The ISSDT’s short FAQ section actually goes into a detailed discussion to explain that indeed one can have DID without PTSD or even a trauma history. You can read more about it here: Link Removed.

This is why we can learn about conditions, but it gets quickly problematic to start declaring diagnostic expertise outside of a clinical role and training.

I suggest that in order to avoid pulling this thread off topic, if you would like to have further discussion as to if all people with DID must have PTSD or not, start a new thread on that topic.

 

[ruskin]

Ah, that stinks. You did a healthy thing, both by requesting she get help and moving out. It’s too bad she’s made the choices she has made.

I hope that the meeting with the solicitor goes well, and as you get space, you can begin to recover yourself from the toxicity of the relationship.

Thank you Justmehere

 

[ruskin]

I don’t think @ruskin is trying to play therapist based on what’s posted here. I think it’s quite common after the end of a relationship, especially a marriage, to try to evaluate what went wrong. I have had people in my life struggle with various mental health conditions other than PTSD and wondered if things they did were part of that condition or not. Example: I have a friend who is extremely rigid. They also have a certain condition that can impact mental health. I wondered if that ridgity was part of the condition. It is. It helps me to know that’s part of the condition because it gives me compassion and tools to use to relate better with my friend. I still relate to them as a whole person, and most of the time, I don’t even think of the condition. But it’s silly to suggest that naming symptoms as symptoms can’t help supporters navigate the world of PTSD and the wreckage that it can do in relationships. @ruskin has done a fine job acknowledging that it’s uo to his soon to be ex wife and any doctor she might see to sort out. Also, just because a behavior is a symptom, it doesn’t absolve the sufferer from responsibility for their behavior, or give them immunity from being a genuine jerk.

I know the pain of being overly pathologized and turned into an unwanted diagnostic/treatment project by a well meaning supporter that was playing therapist. What @SamRuck is talking about to suggest she for sure has DID and to apply attachment therapy techniques to an ex wife for which there is no contact - because of having different feelings at different times - that is over pathologizing the situation. That’s going way too far. People don’t need to have DID to have emotions regulation problems and feel different intense emotions at different times.

But, I think sufferers need to be mindful when responding to supporters to remember that navigating PTSD is not easy. It’s challenging and there’s a lot to learn. I can take a little bit of time to find a balance between learning about the condition and not turning somebody into a project. When going through the end of a marriage and trying to figure out what went wrong and what to do now, a little compassion for struggling to find that balance is warranted.

Thank you for your words Justmehere,
Had to take a few days away from the boards, trying to pull a life back together in some form. I guess i have been on here as some suggest just to get answers. I could not express how confused i have been with this situation, especially in the past few months. It was like bang - and i was out of a relationship where i was actively trying to be the most understanding, compassionate supportive person i could. So many questions in my mind.

The dynamics of this board have been quite something, almost felt like people were not aloud to express their opinions. I have not seen that on a board before. Maybe i posted in teh wrong section? I believed this to be a supporters page. But i am thankful for the rounded response i have received.

Thank you to all, including those that i did not dirctly reply to. Your comments were kindly received and read. I will come back to read and process further in due course

Many thanks

 

[Sweetpea76]

You’re allowed to express your opinion... but it’s an open forum on the internet. You’ll get a wide variety of responses. The best advice is to take what’s useful and leave the rest.