General Boyfriend Has PTSD-Is It Common To Be So Simple?

[ANCHOR]

There have to be boundaries in relationships...

I always say, if you set a few boundaries and make efforts to communicate more sensitively-to each other, then as long as the other half seems open and respectful of this...it is a good sign and you have to do what feels right for you.

Our condition is quite varied depending on the type of trauma, the length of the trauma, and the severity of the trauma and whether or not there is more than one trauma incident. There are symptoms which thread and parallel but it can get really confusing.

I am sorry if I offended anyone. It is true that I can only answer for the types of trauma I have suffered, and for the repetitive pattern of domestic violence issues I have learned from experience, therapy, and research. I have another friend whom is married to a navy man and she has mentioned very controlling aspects of his behavior, so I flag it in my mind. She has no privacy in her emails whatsoever and he has no tolerance of her speaking to other males. She is confused as she has many brothers and their male friends are her friends as well.

Not all "ex-military" men react to PTSD in the same way. I mean, they don't all end up to abuse their wives physically and emotionally, like mine. I don't know why he did it. But in relationships, there have to be boundaries and limits or at the very least, good honest attempts at them.

 

[ANCHOR]

And he can make an effort to compliment you...

He can make an effort or two to recognize that you are happy when you wear something that makes you happy or whatever. He doesn't have to get excited about the stuff you like...only that you like it. :think:

I have PTSD but I haven't given up all of my fashion sense...but it is harder to feel strongly about it...it takes me longer to fall in love with clothes so I buy less... Yes, I realize I can live without a lot now, which makes budgeting my unemployment bennies easier:smile:...but I appreciate that I can do something nice for myself once in awhile without the need to have my spouse's approval, now, too. (And I was the one with the job).:think:

Best regards to all.

 

[ANCHOR]

Just some things I remembered about Domestic issues....

I think it might be helpful if you feel safe enough, to hit the library and read a book on domestic violence, to go along with the PTSD research you are doing. This will help you know the limits you need to set with him and how much of his frustrations are healthy for you to deal with.

I suggest this because he really shouldn't be so severe when commenting on your outfits or anything you might like. And he should not use PTSD or military trauma as an excuse to change you. Most everyone that I have seen on this forum knows when their emotions are hard on the people they care for and we try, despite how hard it is, to have better and more sensitive communication with our loved ones...and this always takes time to learn.

I checked out two books, one for young adults and one for adults and both books cited examples from several different relationships of various orientations. This was really helpful for me because I was able remember the comments he made to me and compare them to the stories in the books. I also began to see the pattern of his behavior and how common it was in situations where people are abused in relationships. It is a very well documented theme.

Your relationship doesn't sound like you are in danger now. I found out in my reading that it is always really fun and intense in the beginning and then it just gets to a point where you can't sacrifice enough. I was never able to pacify him no matter how non-confrontational I became, but this is just my experience. And I am certain that my husband also suffers PTSD...but that was not a reason for me to lose all of my valuables, my physical and emotional safety, and my sense of who I am. Again, if I can get help...so can he.

The less comfortable I became around him, of course the less intimate I felt. I was in the mood for sex less, and less. This would also make him angrier as he felt rejection, and this is pretty common in abusive relationships. One night, I realized he wasn't paying attention at all to me during sex and it triggered a rape memory and that was all I could take. It would be different if I felt like his PTSD caused him to be less intimate...as I have read in other posts...but it seemed more like he just expected me to give in to his urges even though I was exhausted from so many aspects of our life and relationship. He had no sympathy for my rape experience and accused me of pretending to be sick and too tired all of the time which he thought was ridiculous because graphic design wasn't a job that required real work, and I commuted by public transit two hours in the morning and two hours in the evening!

I'm sorry I write so much. I am just going with my instincts and I feel like it is better to have too much info. than not enough. I am still processing these memories, too. I have processed other traumas already, but I have only been in a safe place for about four months and I still have trouble putting it together in a linear fashion.

 

[Omi81]

Thanx Anchor,
I dont mind that you "write so much." Its actually very insightful and helpful. I will look into some readings, although I feel as if I am at my wits end.

 

[ANCHOR]

Thank You!

I am relieved that you have found insight in something I might have written. I thank you for your kind response and hope to hear of progress in situation soon. Peace be with you!:rolleyes:

 

[CCurry]

Hi there,

I going to throw something out there that nobody has pointed out. I know this based on how my BF was when he was diagnosed. By saying the word simple could you really mean he is NUMB.

I remember when my BF (also a career Special forces soldier) was first diagnosed the doctors asked him what he was feeling, his response was he didn't feel anything.

So complimenting you may not be high on his priority list, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you though.

Whenever I get worked up about something, my BF tells me to calm down and that nobody is shooting at us.

Carmela

 

[Nicolette]

The problem is while we all have something in common as do our Sufferers it can vary so much individually :rolleyes:. It is good for all of our to share our points of view and experiences for that very reason.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I'm sorry Omi18. I want to reply to your questions, but I'm finding your posts very confusing. It's been a long day for me. But for some reason I feel I should say Something.

here something for you.... I'm very tired, but can't sleep. And I keep forgetting things, things I just thought of are gone. They are both symptoms. does your bf do that?