Relationship Boyfriend started loving me again, and now its gone..again!!

[Cleo1521]

Thanks for the support everyone.

I feel like my past relationship has died and I’m buryi...

I feel your pain. I’m doing this with someone I’ve known my entire life. Just let him be for now...as hard as it is. Speaking anything...in my case...only makes things worse and harder on me. The response isn’t typically a good one.

 

[Justmehere]

Do you think high intensity therapy will help?

Can you explain more of what you mean?

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

High intensity therapy in UK is therapy session of CBT

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

I spoke to him over the phone, he doesn’t seem to regret his desicion, he keeps talking about how much I frustrate him because my expectations are different. I expect the Love we had before and he does not feel that. He is frustrated because I do not understand that he does not feel that, and he does not want to keep hurting me. Does that even make sense? I feel confused and tired

 

[Deleted member 44240]

Whatever you decide, he has to agree.

 

[Justmehere]

As a suffer, what he said does make sense. He’s said no, he probably feels horrible saying no over and over to you, and yet you keep refusing to accept his no. So he feels like he’s hurting you over and over by trying to keep the boundary that the relationship is over.

When I have had to tell someone no over and over and they don’t accept it, it feels very frustrating and awful. Like I’m hurting them again and again even when it’s the boundary I need to hold and will continue to hold.

Someone doesn’t return to feeling happy lovey dovey feelings if they keep saying no to the someone and they won’t accept it and keep pushing for a yes.

Does that make a little more sense where he might be coming from?

In regards to therapy, do you mean for you or him?

If he does it, sure, it might help his symptoms a lot. Once therapy starts, symptoms often get worse for a time and I’ve know quite a few sufferers who changed who they date and what they want on their lives as they go through treatment. I personally could not date at all the first two years in treatment. It is very hard. For someone already feeling overwhelmed by a relationship, it’s not like just go to trauma therapy and they’ll not feel overwhelmed by a relationship on top of that. For some, it’s too much to navigate both at the same time. It might help him in relationships down the road and overall. It may eventually lower his stress levels and give him more room to have steady stable relationships.

His getting treatment isn’t the fix for him to return to the relationship with you. It may even lead to him holding the boundary that the relationship is over more effectively.

For you, I think CBT could help a lot, especially with your the low self worth and feeling unlovable, and therapy can help work through the fears and nervousness and emotions that you have and are struggling with as you grieve the end of this relationship.

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

He says he doesn’t want the relationship (bare in mind the EXACT same scenario had happned once previously) yet he keeps ringing me and messaging me. He stated he does not want to lose me. It’s confusing for me. He keeps saying ‘I wish with all my heart I could love you like before again but I cant’

Why does he keep contacting me, only to break me apart againz

 

[Gs172003]

I spoke to him over the phone, he doesn’t seem to regret his desicion, he keeps talking ab...

Honey he doesn't want to continue. Let him go. You're continuing your suffering pushing it and it's not helping him either.
Get some help for yourself. You deserve it.

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

I can’t accept the death of my 7 year relationship that easily. Especially when we just had the most amazing holidays together. We were intimate just 2 days ago.
This is the man who was THE ONE.
I need to go counseling myself, for my self worth.

It’s just a very hard situation. I don’t wanna let this go but I don’t know what to do either

 

[Sweetpea76]

Step back, calm down. Give him some space.

Just because he calls doesn't mean you have to answer.

Take a few days to catch your breath.

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

He wrote to me yesterday and said ‘I’ll ndver want to stop talking to you, please don’t block me’

And he rang me this morning. I didn’t answer.

Thanks sweetpea for your reply.

Why does he keep contacting me.. I don’t want this to end. I feel awful. PTSD has taken him from me and it’s the most upsetting thing.

 

[Hojay]

It sounds like he’s quite confused, hurting, and upset. I think it’s good you’re taking a breather. Keep stepping back and calming yourself. I think in the end it comes down to you understanding that PTSD (as well as depression) can cause people to lose all emotion or positive feeling. (That’s the difference between sadness and depression. When you’re sad, you feel everything. When you’re depressed, you feel nothing.) If you can and want to reconnect with him, communicating that understanding could make a difference—it’s not you or the relationship, it’s everything. But you really do need to let that fact sink in and land firmly. Maybe there is a chance that you two can stick it out through that—if you really and truly do understand that his feelings being gone doesn’t mean much right now (if it’s really all the PTSD talking) and that you support him regardless. If you don’t reconnect, that knowledge will help you see that it never was or is you.