Relationship Boyfriend started loving me again, and now its gone..again!!

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

He hasn’t spoken to me all day and I feel horrible.
My friends are giving me advice like ‘leave him, he isn’t worth it’

I don’t want this to be over. I’m so scared

 

[Deleted member 44240]

Okay, so to recap. He broke it off in September, but you kept speaking on friendly terms. Then as of Nov. he stopped corresponding. Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but you're also saying that he may have gone back to his ex?.

Okay, so to recap. He broke it off in September, but you kept speaking on friendly terms. Then as of Nov....

With a non-sufferer expectationswould definitely be different. I would definitely not allow for the same behavior, but I am aware of the dynamics that come with the illness. I’m definitely not trying to excuse him for his behavior either, but again, am I wrong for knowing about the irrational behavior or convoluted statements associated with break ups?

 

[Hojay]

@BoyfriendqwithPTSD
I hear you and your confusion. Try to get through the day, try to stay calm. Nothing you can say or do now in this state will change things either way. If he wants to return he will do so without you saying or doing something. And likewise if he doesn’t. Take a breather, know that you will get answers and you will see more clearly, but you have to focus on you right now. Even if it’s focusing and harnessing anger over being treated this way by someone you trusted.

If it helps and you need to get stuff out, consider starting a diary in the supporter section. You can vent there, tell your story from all angles. I know it’s hard not being able to speak to friends about it. From the outside these situations always look clear cut. Us supporters here know how very much they’re not.

 

[Hojay]

am I wrong for knowing about the irrational behavior or convoluted statements associated with break ups?

What do you mean by this?

 

[Deleted member 44240]

I mean, he being a sufferer, I’m aware of certain behaviors that’s associated with it. If he weren’t I wouldn’t allow for his irrational behavior.

What do you mean by this?

 

[Hojay]

Ah, yes ok, that makes sense. And I'd say, we shouldn't allow for it even when they are sufferers. There's a lot of irrational behavior to go around. But there are limits. You have to figure out what they are. When is enough, enough? And sometimes we know it's been enough, but we keep on keeping on anyway. Then it's up to us to look into why we're doing that.

Just to broaden this, what is you're trying to figure out? Or rather, what's your goal? To keep him in your life, to have him back, or to just understand what happened between you two? You may have posted this stuff elsewhere, so sorry if you're having to repeat yourself.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

i completely understand that they’re his and not mine. Trying to understand his ptsd challenges and work...

This comment was for the op, who mentioned feeling worthless.

 

[Buttercup]

@BoyfriendqwithPTSD
I hear you and your confusion. Try to get through the day, try to...

Agree whole heartedly. Try to get through this day.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

Ah, yes ok, that makes sense. And I'd say, we shouldn't allow for it even when they are sufferers. There'...

All of the above. We have a past of about seven years, so I can’t just walk away like that. I’m not sure of what may come of this, however I am sure that if things don’t come to fruition soon, I will be gone.

 

[Hojay]

Ok, that makes sense @B.J. This stuff takes however long it takes, and sometimes we need to rinse and repeat to fully understand what's going on. Stay strong, focus on what you want and need in life, rather than what could possibly be wrong with him. You can't control what he chooses to do or not do. You have full control over your own life and happiness.

 

[Justmehere]

It sucks to be in the position you are in. Even the best of breakups are hard. This is made all the more complicated because of PTSD.

Your boyfriend broke up, it seems like he’s broken up many times, and trying to push over the boundaries of a sufferer usually backfires. I agree with your friends who are recommending you leave him alone... take care of you now. :hug:

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

Thanks for the support everyone.

I feel like my past relationship has died and I’m burying it. It’s awful. We were so happy and it kills me inside to remember the good days. PTSD is horrible.

Do you think high intensity therapy will help?