P
pinkcookie456
My boyfriend has a ptsd after he went into anaphylactic shock (he was allergic to a certain medicine) and almost near death. Thankfully he made it through.
We met after his traumatic incident, hit it off immediately, shared amazing chemistry and connection. He used to called me by an affectionate nickname, said he really liked me. We are in a LDR but skype and text each other often. He wanted to introduce me to his parents and talk to them about me and was planning a future and sharing dreams.
Now considerable time has passed we have been there for each other through thick and thin. I have always been there by his side. He is a phD student and nearing the end, the workload is immense and getting to him. He told me he might be relapsing back his emotionally numb state. I try my best not to stress him out any furthur and ease his problems.
Last night he called me while grocery shopping and started going on about how is uncertain about himself, he might be go into solitary confinement after he is done with his phD. He isn't ready for any kind of commitment or relationship at the moment. I suffer from anxiety and this conversation triggered me in the worst way possible I felt he was abandoning me. I thought he was using me or probably cheating on me.
He was calm saying that he was only being honest about this mental state, and he might come out as a very different person after his phd especially while the pressure is mounting on him. I cried saying I loved him and I am always here for him, he doesn't need to go through things alone. All he could say was that in the end of the day he suffers from exhaustion and can't deal with all this.
I can't even believe him saying he doesn't feel anything. One day before he is being affectionate and telling about his dreams he has about us (sharing a home one day, living together) and now this.
He says I am his closest and best friend but he can't give me certainty that things will remain the same or he will remain the same. It is best if I kept my options open and dated other people.
It hurted me so much hearing all that. I started screaming at him that if there were other men I wouldn't have been wasting time on him and that he doesn't respect my feelings. I know about his condition and how he feels and I am still willing to stick by him because he is worth it. But all he ever does is treat me like I am some insane delusional person for loving him.
When I argued that his actions contradict his words (he says he feels nothing romantic for me but acts like he does).
He said he cant love for me at times and that is what stresses him out even more. He dreams about me and often imagines a future but then his mind goes dark and blank and he can't think of anything else.
He lashed out on me for the first time in all this time implying that I am selfish and that I don't think of the fact that he is sleep deprived and he works 9 to 6.
He ended the conversation saying I need to relax and that if things are meant to be they will work out on their own, I need to leave it to God and all that jazz.
I am very hurt and feel my heart has been ripped to shreds. His birthday is coming up in 3 weeks and I have already made preparations, I wanted it to be the best birthday so he could be happy and stress free for a few days..
I really don't know what to do..should I give up? Is all this worth it especially now when he says he doesn't feel anything for me? I don't know what to believe
We met after his traumatic incident, hit it off immediately, shared amazing chemistry and connection. He used to called me by an affectionate nickname, said he really liked me. We are in a LDR but skype and text each other often. He wanted to introduce me to his parents and talk to them about me and was planning a future and sharing dreams.
Now considerable time has passed we have been there for each other through thick and thin. I have always been there by his side. He is a phD student and nearing the end, the workload is immense and getting to him. He told me he might be relapsing back his emotionally numb state. I try my best not to stress him out any furthur and ease his problems.
Last night he called me while grocery shopping and started going on about how is uncertain about himself, he might be go into solitary confinement after he is done with his phD. He isn't ready for any kind of commitment or relationship at the moment. I suffer from anxiety and this conversation triggered me in the worst way possible I felt he was abandoning me. I thought he was using me or probably cheating on me.
He was calm saying that he was only being honest about this mental state, and he might come out as a very different person after his phd especially while the pressure is mounting on him. I cried saying I loved him and I am always here for him, he doesn't need to go through things alone. All he could say was that in the end of the day he suffers from exhaustion and can't deal with all this.
I can't even believe him saying he doesn't feel anything. One day before he is being affectionate and telling about his dreams he has about us (sharing a home one day, living together) and now this.
He says I am his closest and best friend but he can't give me certainty that things will remain the same or he will remain the same. It is best if I kept my options open and dated other people.
It hurted me so much hearing all that. I started screaming at him that if there were other men I wouldn't have been wasting time on him and that he doesn't respect my feelings. I know about his condition and how he feels and I am still willing to stick by him because he is worth it. But all he ever does is treat me like I am some insane delusional person for loving him.
When I argued that his actions contradict his words (he says he feels nothing romantic for me but acts like he does).
He said he cant love for me at times and that is what stresses him out even more. He dreams about me and often imagines a future but then his mind goes dark and blank and he can't think of anything else.
He lashed out on me for the first time in all this time implying that I am selfish and that I don't think of the fact that he is sleep deprived and he works 9 to 6.
He ended the conversation saying I need to relax and that if things are meant to be they will work out on their own, I need to leave it to God and all that jazz.
I am very hurt and feel my heart has been ripped to shreds. His birthday is coming up in 3 weeks and I have already made preparations, I wanted it to be the best birthday so he could be happy and stress free for a few days..
I really don't know what to do..should I give up? Is all this worth it especially now when he says he doesn't feel anything for me? I don't know what to believe
